Sister in law from Pakistan coming for my sons wedding and expects to stay with us....

Oh wow! That is so stressful. House guests are a burden, even the best house guests. Since it seems your husband doesn't want to hear your opinion, do you think your son who is also upset by this could speak to him? Maybe if he heard it from his perspective he would be more receptive. Either way, good luck.

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I agree to this. I am sorry you are going through this. Maybe if he heard their opinions about this issue then he would realize that it is not you. I was going to say have your husband entertain / host her but then again, you are in the same house so that will not be entirely possible. I hope everything works out for you.

Ugh! The only thing worse that horrible SIL is your hubby’s reaction! 😩 I’m not sure how to handle but I don’t think you should cave. Maybe present options such as 1) she can stay at a hotel or Airbnb but not your home on this trip, 2) set a limit such as 4 nights max and if she wants to stay in US longer she can figure out where to stay (and do NOT be nice while she’s staying with you, in fact give her rules and push her to follow them). Honestly, I wouldn’t let her stay on this trip. You’re right about focusing on your own family, and it sounds like you have your sons’ support.

If she ever stays again, it’s your hubby who should wait on her hand & foot and be expected to keep the house clean. Ugh. I’m so frustrated for you.

I would definitely go the route of having your son talk to him. Perhaps remind him of your own wedding night and the privacy you received and deserved.

You definitely should not be hosting anyone when your son is getting married - you have enough to worry about without caring for a guest. Does your husband have any siblings or cousins living nearby that she can stay with? Or even if you foot the bill (you shouldn't have to) for a nice hotel nearby for her to stay at for the wedding weekend?

After this is all over, I would also communicate with your husband about how you feel when she visits - basically what you told us - she doesn't respect your home, or you, and you can't enjoy her company when they speak in a language you don't know. I'm sure there are some cultural differences going on here, but being rude has no language barrier lol. Best of luck!!

I am so sorry you are dealing with this!! Yikes. I can’t stand having house guests, even for a few days, so I can’t even imagine how you made it through all that time with her... especially because she seems like an extremely high-maintenance houseguest.

It is pretty normal that the parents of the bride/groom would decline to have houseguests when their children are getting married. I have several relatives coming from out of town and despite the fact that my mom technically does have space in the house, she won’t be having anyone staying with her. There is so much for her to handle already, that having houseguests would just compound her stress and be totally unfair to her. Some relatives are staying with my grandparents and the rest will get a hotel.

Im not sure what “advice” to give but... hopefully it is reassuring that I don’t think you’re being unreasonable AT ALL. I can’t believe your husband would threaten a divorce... if he wants her to stay with you guys, does he intend to prepare all her meals, clean up after her, and entertain her for over a month? If not, that’s not his place to extend that offer. Is there another relative she could stay with??

I'm so sorry your H is being such an a**. If you can get him to speak rationally about this with you, I think setting a time limit for how long she stays and ground rules about what is expected in terms of meals, etc would help greatly. What did he say the last time she was here and expected you to essentially wait on her hand and foot - why didn't he help with any of this? If he was not supportive then, I can't imagine that would change.

Honestly, I would probably suggest that your son and his bride find a nice hotel and stay there for the wedding night. I know it's traditional, but I can't imagine it's something either of them want to deal with (and maybe it's just cultural difference, but I would feel so uncomfortable spending my wedding night at my in-laws house, regardless of whether the room was near my siblings or not). You could decorate that place and make it beautiful?

I don't know your life or your marriage, but if I were you, I would say yes to the divorce. I would never allow my H to call me stupid. To exclude you and call you rude is also out of line. He sounds a bit abusive if you ask me. I know this may be a crazy time to get divorced with everything going on with your son's wedding, but you need to take care of yourself and your husband does not seem like he has your best interest at heart. I know it's easy for me to say as an outsider, but I just personally believe that no one should be treated the way your husband is treating you. You seem like a kind and loving person and you deserve better than your current situation.

Tell him in this country women have rights. I would tell DH if he is so hellbent on his sister saying, he should pay for a suite at a swanky hotel for your son and his bride, and a cleaning service after his sister leaves. Or send an anonymous message to TSA etc, to get her on the no fly list.

I wanted to quote this and answer it... "If you can get him to speak rationally about this with you, I think setting a time limit for how long she stays and ground rules about what is expected in terms of meals, etc would help greatly."

Sadly I cannot do that. The ticket to come here is over 3,000 and it isnt like she can just travel easily at her age. So if she comes it will be minimum 2 to 3 months again... Ground rules, lol. I am the one who is told what to do or not do, no one else. It is his sister and I am to treat her like royalty and as he put it, "Not even a frown line should be shown to a guest". If a total stranger came to my house and took a dump on the floor I am expected to smile and be gracious, and not to show any displeasure about it. It is just an excuse to treat the host however you want and in Islam the host has to bear it and there are guidelines to being a guest but I think his family just doesnt take it to heart. Once his uncle put his feet with his shoes on mind you, on the living room table and I asked him not to and he got angry and said this is my brothers house so that makes this my house too, and I calmly replied it is also your sisters house and it IS mine so please dont put your feet or shoes on my table and he said your husband will hear about this. It caused a HUGE fight and now I am no longer allowed to say ANYTHING to ANYONE, no matter what.....