Sister-in-law quit as a bridesmaid??

It sounds like she really overreacted and didn't handle her frustration very well at all. That being said, personally I find group chats to be absolutely the worst. They are impersonal, annoying, and onerous. It could be that this just isn't her communication style - which again, she overracted to rather than rationally share her feelings. Also, am I to understand you have a group text chat, a group FB chat, and a group Snapchat? Wow, that is really overkill and as a bridesmaid I would be super annoyed - that's a lot. I think your fiance is right to give things some more time, and let feelings settle down before trying to revisit. If she still doesn't want to be a bridesmaid that's ok! Salvaging the relationship in the long term is the most important part. Good luck

Definitely seems like an overreaction. Is she maybe going through something with school or her personal life that she projected onto the group chat/ jewelry thing? It sounds like she's about to finish her program, so maybe finals, finding a job, lifestyle changes, etc. are stressing her out, and the jewelry thing or notifications from the group chat were the straw that broke the camel's back. I'd take your fiancé's advice and just give her some time to cool off. It sounds like she still wants to be in the wedding and that she still cares about supporting you.

It definitely sounds like she's not dealing with stress well right now. The fact that she pulled a full switch seems unusual, so I'd guess she's just stressed and maybe the group chats were overwhelming. I'm not ardently against group chats, but they can become a lot. So maybe she was feeling stressed and it was just the tipping point. Definitely agree that you should give her a few days, and she may come around. Also, maybe you don't have her in the group chats until she's done with her school. And during that time, you can just text her separately. It sounds like she really values your relationship (from the stories from before this situation), and you clearly value her. I'd give it some time and it'll probably smooth out. Best of luck! That is a really frustrating experience.

While I agree that you saying "silver jewelry" shouldn't be a big deal , some people don't want to be told what to wear, including when it comes to little stuff like this or shoes color

It's obvious that she didn't drop out because of that only She's not totally honest about the reasons why she made this decision. Jewelry and having 1000 group chats are not the reasons. In case she's single: is she jealous?

That being said: just forget her and anyone who doesn't support you and your groom and move on with the other girls since they trully support you and will help you if needed. Sure, she and you will be family... but guess what: you don't have to be close with all family members, blood, in-law or "step in-laws".

This is a great update. I completely agree with you handling this directly with your future step-sister-in-law rather than trying to bring a whole bunch of other people and things into it. You two were close before, so you can be close again as long as you approach this with humility and openness and a desire to accept your share of what went down. Your relationship with her will be (hopefully!) long and your wedding is just one day. Prioritize the long term and let the small things go. You can do this!

I'm so sorry you haven't found the support you need from this thread - to be honest, I've felt similarly on this forum in the past and feel like some times people are pretty harsh or blunt in their wording :/ I empathize with you in feeling unsupported based on some responses - sometimes I even feel....attacked for coming on here with something I'm struggling with? lol

My take is that it honestly sounds like there's something else going on with your FSIL, like a previous poster mentioned (such as jealousy) that might be causing her to project it onto you. I agree that the jewelry thing and group chats are not enough to warrant a complete withdrawal from your bridal party, no matter how stressed she might be with school and work. Heck, I worked full time and was in grad school part-time as a bridesmaid and it was doable (albeit stressful, but like...you don't just unleash all that at your friend). I mean, it COULD have been a culmination of stress of everything going on in her personal life, but I still feel like a piece of the puzzle is missing?? Maybe she is.....tired of talking about your wedding? I don't say that in a negative way toward you at all or that you did something to make her sick of it, but I mean it more from like....because of her own feelings? (maybe she's single, or maybe she isn't at the point in her life yet to appreciate the hype of getting married/planning a wedding, or maybe she is realizing it's not within her capacity for whatever reason to be your hype woman... idk haha) Like unless in your post you've totally downplayed the extent of these group messages/how frequently you talk about your wedding or solicit their advice (which I don't think is the case here) or you haven't mentioned something else that maybe you've completely not even considered because in your head it wasn't a thing, then I feel like she's projecting something from her own life/emotions onto this situation.

Anyway, I agree with others that it could be a good thing to give her a few days to let her feel her feelings, let the emotions settle on all fronts, and then re-approach things with her. Your hurt and frustration is valid, and I'm sorry that her actions have made you question the authenticity of your friendship. I understand wanting to feel close with your new siblings, and I hope that the two of you are able to talk things out together and come up with a solution that works for you both.

What's a Jack and Jill? In some circles it means the wedding party has to raise funds for the the wedding expenses.

She's asking to get the dress and show up on the day of the wedding. How is that not OK? She doesn't need to go to the bachelorette.

Your fiancé's sister isn't going anywhere, and you'll be dealing with her at every family event. I'd work on fixing that relationship.

Not correct: Jack and Jills, unlike showers and bachelor(ette)s, are not the wedding party's reponsibility to deal with. They are planned and thrown by the couple. They are pretty common in english-speaking countries other than the US, especially in Canada and G. Britain.

Also: the WP crew might offer to help and that's kind of them if they do but... because this is a fundraiser, the couple alone should deal with it, unless others volunteer .It would be weird to ask people help you pay for your wedding while the WP members or anyone else would pay for this fundraiser to happen. , wouldn't it? 😀

I'm from Canada, lived in 4 provinces. I've never seen a Jack and Jill.

I'm not sure I'd help with that type of thing, and I have heard from being on here, that in some cases the wedding party that to donate prizes etc.

Yes, to me it's odd to ask others to help pay for your wedding, even in the form of a Jack and Jill, but I know it's done in some social groups.