Sister-in-law refusing to attend wedding with covid fears

I think you answered your own question at the end of your post: “I’m so ready to get married to my fiancé and just want to be able to be present for the joy“
That is exactly what you need to do. Focus on the main purpose of your wedding, which is marrying your fiancé. Be present for it. You get exactly one chance to do this, so don’t waste time and happiness by focusing on what you AREN’T getting that day, focus on the blessings you ARE getting.
Your SIL is simply doing what she feels is best for herself and her family. And that is perfectly OK, even though it is disappointing for you. Now you need to follow her example and do what is best for you, which is enjoy your wedding with all the loved ones with you that day! The only person in this situation capable of ruining your wedding day, is you. So choose not to!

Her fears are justified and reasonable. If she is not vaccinated yet, she could still catch it from one of your other guests. Your disappointment is also reasonable. Your hurt feelings (implying that she is doing this TO you) are not. I would try to focus on what you are looking forward to (as Ava suggests). Feel your disappointment and then let it go.

This is one of those things that you just have to accept and move on. She is allowed to have those feelings, everyone is at a different place in their feelings with covid; some feel safe going out and being around people while others would rather not. While I understand your disappointment of her not being there, there isn't much you can do to change that outcome, so you have to work through it and get past it otherwise your wedding day and the fun times up to it will be miserable. Maybe try putting yourself in her shoes and try to understand where she is coming from, and that may ease your disappointment a bit.

I know that’s disappointing but like everyone has said it’s not really something to harp on because that’s her comfort level and it’s not unreasonable for her to have that anxiety. I’m sure you wouldn’t want her to feel uncomfortable and anxious the entire day

That’s odd seeing as how your wedding will pretty much only be immediate family and like you said you’ve already been in contact with them throughout this whole pandemic… She’s certainly entitled to her choice, but is there any other part to the store that might be left out??

It sucks to not have your favorite people at your wedding, and I’m sorry you have to deal with that. Covid sucks and one of my best friends couldn’t make it to our wedding for similar reasons, and we also had our whole wedding outdoor, 17 guests, masks required. We can be sad but not mad at others that just want to do what’s safest for their life and their family’s. You’ll have plenty of time to celebrate with her once Covid gets better/she gets vaccinated.
If you want her involved still, why don’t you FaceTime her while getting ready? We did that with my grandma and it was such a joyous time to have her there still.

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Thank you for the validation. My sister-in-law is already vaccinated as are my fiancee and myself, so I'm having a hard time picturing when she'll be willing to celebrate with us.

Wow! I think it's strange that she's mentioning it now. 2 months until a wedding is kind of last minute. Oh well. There's nothing you can do. Everyone has different fear and/or cautious levels.

Her concerns have nothing to do with how bad she *wants* to be there, I’m sure she’d love to. It’s very positive that your brother is still attending.

I mean, you're having a wedding in the literal middle of a global pandemic. It sucks, but you can't fault anyone for not taking risks that you deem "safe". It's still a risk to be around 20+ people, most of whom are not in her current "pod". I think if you wanted to guarantee everyone would be there, you should have waited until it was safer (even though i know you've taken precautions)

Respect her decision to not attend. I would not attend weddings at all until vaccinations are fully out. You are getting married while the pandemic is still happening, just focus on your love and the fact that you are getting married. It should be a joyous day and do not longer on who is not there.

You are having a wedding during a pandemic, people are always allowed to create boundaries on what feels safe to them. It doesn’t mean it is a personal thing, and their needs need to be respected. Even if she is vaccinated she can still spread covid and looking at it from a responsibility for our entire community standpoint it makes sense. Even if you take “precautions” there is still risk. There is the bigger picture. I know it can be hard to navigate these times but everyone is doing the best THEY can do. Keep in mind that everyone has different needs and concerns and those are justified. Do your best to enjoy your day abs focus on what is in your control.

It’s hard but you have to respect her boundaries. Planning a wedding during a pandemic isn’t for the weak! We’ve had people decline because of COVID. His sister, bro in law & their 2 teenage daughters was a big one. My step & half bro also declined. There’s really not much that can be done about it.

Oh honey, I'm sorry, but I understand the pain. My wedding was back in Feb. and I invited over 50 of my family members, only 6 of my family members came in the end. Even my own parents didn't go to the wedding.

However, despite this, despite the fact that more than half of my family didn't go to my wedding. Despite the fact that my own parents didn't go... it was still one of the best days of my life.

I think you have to let this go. I can't exactly blame her or anyone for choosing not to go to a wedding during a pandemic, even a wedding with precautions. For some the risk is too high. Focus on your day, your fiance and how happy will be to be married.

Is it possible that the mom will be vaccinated before the wedding?

Sorry, saw she is vaccinated. Look at this as though you are getting married in wartime. Be happy your brother and some others are there. And be glad that your sister in law is giving an extra layer of protection to her daughter. We do not know how long these vaccines ate effective. And there is only one which they know stops dead, you getting it and passing it on.
The other vaccines prepare your body to fight the vaccine. You get it, and fight it off very quickly. No deaths, no ventilators. But still for a brief period, a day or two, you get it. Maybe. And maybe could pass it to an unvaccinated child. We just don't know.
So be happy to have your brother, happy the others are safe. Imagine how it would rip you apart if everyone came and was careful, and your niece got a really bad case. We always protect our children.

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about her choice, even though she is being unscientifcally cautious. An entirely outdoor and distanced event is pretty much the same risk as going to the local park and less risky than the grocery store. Also, children are 7x more likely to die from the flu than covid, and I would guess that the child is allowed to be around others during flu season.


But people set their own boundaries and we have to respect that. Hopefully she changes her mind.

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OK, I know the point of this post is not to debate the facts, but "unscientifically cautious"? What does that even mean? And comparing an event where lots of unrelated people gather, eat and drink together, greet each other (potentially with hugs), and with probable inconsistent mask use in no way compares favorably to spending an hour in the grocery store, not directly interacting with people, with everyone wearing masks.

Your false equivalency (not to mention your callous disregard for the health and safety of children) is showing and I just couldn't ignore it.

View Quoted Comment Unscientifcally cautious means that this level of caution is not recommended by experts


SIL doesn't have to hug or kiss or eat, she can be outside with her mask far away from everyone.
Also callous disregard for children?? It is a well-established medical fact that the risk of covid for children is very low compared to other communicable diseases. What's callous towards children is locking them up for a year and delaying their social development