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K
April 2021

Sister-in-law refusing to attend wedding with covid fears

Kala, on March 1, 2021 at 11:13 AM

Posted in Family and Relationships 25

I just found out yesterday from my brother that my sister-in-law (his wife) and my toddler niece will not be attending our wedding and I feel really devastated. Our wedding is in two months and we have made so many modifications to make it safer. My sister-in-law is simply terrified of Covid and is...



I just found out yesterday from my brother that my sister-in-law (his wife) and my toddler niece will not be attending our wedding and I feel really devastated. Our wedding is in two months and we have made so many modifications to make it safer. My sister-in-law is simply terrified of Covid and is too fearful to attend.


We’ve uninvited 100 people, changed venues to be entirely outdoors, have a whole plan for being masked and distanced by household, having a guest list limit of 20 people, and half of the guests will be vaccinated. But it’s still not enough for her to feel safe.


My sister-in-law is my only sibling’s spouse, and my niece is also my goddaughter and my only niece/nephew. We were planning to have her be our flower girl so feel very sad that she will not be able to be in that role. Despite my sister-in-law‘s wishes my brother will still be attending, but I feel very sad that my full immediate family will not all be there. This feels particularly hard because my brother, sister-in-law, and niece are some of the only people we have seen or had in our pod since the start of the pandemic since we live very close to each other.


I feel so hurt by this and don’t know how to get past it so that I’m not thinking about their absence at the wedding. I’m so ready to get married to my fiancée and just want to be able to be present for the joy. Has anyone else had immediate family members refuse to attend their wedding and if so how did you move through it?

25 Comments

  • K
    April 2021
    Kala ·
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    I really didn't mean this post to be a place for people to debate the potential risk levels of my wedding or weddings during the pandemic. My partner and I have made a decision to get married because we've waited a long time and are ready to take this step in our lives. I respect my SIL's agency to make her own decision about attending and I'm not planning to try and guilt her/force her to come.

    I was more so wondering how people cope with/move through the grief that can come with having some of your closest people RSVPing "NO" to your wedding aside from just "getting over it". I appreciate those who have responded from the experience of having some of your closest loved ones not attend your wedding.

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  • V
    Devoted August 2020
    Valerie ·
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    Sorry that you’re going thru this! Covid has added a new level of stress to us brides. Our best man (hubby’s brother) is a major germophobe and his wife is super paranoid about covid. They haven’t seen anyone since almost a year ago. Best man said he would attend our ceremony by himself and not attend the reception. Although we are trying to be understanding, we are very hurt that his own family member is acting like this. We will be asking him from stepping down from his role. You are lucky your brother wants to be there! Focus on positive Smiley smile
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    This is a toddler spending hours surrounded by lots of people she knows, and lots she doesn't. Where everyone remo es masts to eat. And you seriously the think the child will understand for 10 minutes
    about distance and safety?
    Any scientist /medical doctor I ever heard calls that a high risk. Personal space for a child that age is often under 6 inches. Contrast that with the fact that if you do not tell her she missed a party, she won't care. It is easy for her mom to decide what is safe.
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    Your future spouse's brother is his best man and, despite his completely reasonable health worries, he is planning to attend your ceremony, and you are still planning to kick him out of the wedding?? That probably won't have the positive result you think it will.

    I can understand disappointment, but how can you possibly feel hurt? "Hurt" implies he is doing something TO you rather than just continuing the behavior he has consistently shown for the past year (well, actually, him attending your ceremony is not consistent with his overall caution level).

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  • V
    Devoted August 2020
    Valerie ·
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    If he does not feel comfortable posing for photography outside with the rest of the wedding party then yes, he will be asked to step down. No one is irreplaceable. Some people let fear isolate them from others. I think that’s just silly.
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