Sister-in-law says she won’t attend due to new baby.

Does she have to travel? If so, that makes some sense to me. Traveling any great distance, especially flying, with an under-one (honestly, an under-six if you ask me!) can be a challenge. Does she have other children, too? Those would be the only real reasons I'd understand her reluctance.

If the wedding is local-ish, then I think that's a bit unreasonable. My MOH and my cousin will both have a three-month-old babies for my wedding and both are thrilled to be attending.

When you saying your fiancé won't have the wedding without her there, does that mean you have to postpone? Do you have to then reschedule YOUR wedding based on HER schedule? I get it being important to your FH that she's there, but if she's not willing to put in a teensy amount of effort, well...

Yes the wedding is in a different country. I definitely understand and empathize with her situation but it’s also looking like we might not have the wedding we talked about, trying to accommodate her, and I don’t feel that’s fair either.

This comes with the territory of having a destination wedding. You have to be prepared that people will decline. It stinks she won’t be there, but it happens.

As a mother, there’s no way I would have travelled with an infant to a destination wedding in another country. I’d be reluctant to bring my kids now and they are 4&5, it’s just so much stress traveling with kids (and now they need their own seat so it’s expensive). It’s really unfortunate she can’t attend, but it’s also one of those things you have to consider when planning a DW. I wouldn’t reschedule my wedding around others if it’s what I really wanted, but that’s between you and your FH.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for the “mom” perspective. I really appreciate it!

I get that this is disappointing to you but I completely understand her position. I don't think I would be comfortable with that either. This is when you have to decide if a DW is really what you want. DH and I initially wanted a DH but when we started exploring the possibility, doing so would likely exclude some people we were not willing to exclude. Hopefully you are early enough in your planning process that you could change your plans if you really want her to attend.

I agree with PP's, there's no way I would take a 10 month old out of the country (flights, time change, taxi's....no way) nor would I leave a 10 month old with someone else for 4-5 days minimum to attend a destination wedding - that's super unfair to whoever is asked to babysit. Unfortunately this is the reality for many people (not just moms/parents) when asked to attend a destination wedding - it creates a lot of added expense and hassle.

There's nothing WRONG with having a destination wedding, but ultimately you'll have to decide whether the location or the guests attendance is more important to you.

I don't even have kids and wouldn't have expected a new parent to come out of country with a child under one. Depending on when the birth happens and what state she's in she might actually not get any more leave time for a calendar year after her maternity leaves end too. It's sad but you can't control a pregnancy.
As far as replanning it I think your husband is being a little bit over the top expecting you to drop your wedding. Could you move it up or push it out so it's easier on her?

I agree with everyone else. 10 months would be too young for me (not a mom yet) to feel comfortable traveling with a baby or leaving it alone with someone else for a wedding. As for your fiancé, that’s a little strange. The only people that matter for your wedding is you and your fiancé. Anyone else is welcome but the wedding doesn’t depend on them. You could consider a local wedding if it’s that big a deal to your fiancé, but you shouldn’t plan around someone else’s life.

This is a tough one. As a mom I can truly understand her reluctance. I’ve read a lot of forums about destination weddings. It’s expected that you will only have a small turn out and key people may be unable to make it. I agree that you and FH may need to go back to the drawing board and decide what wedding type will be best.


I’d even be open to reasonable accommodations to make her coming an option if I knew what the issue was... is it finance? Could y’all possibly help with her fare and lodge... is it childcare? Is there a family member that would be willing to help keep up with the toddler? Is there someone in their family that won’t be able to attend that she can leave the child with just for 2 days? Does she get limited vacation time and possibly already have it planned??

where were looking to get married? We’re you traveling for tropical weather or for the scene?? What was the vision you had for the wedding that made you guys choose a destination wedding? Is there a way to get a similar vibe domestically? Maybe a US destination that’s not so far

I wouldn't take it personally. You also might be reading too much into it. (ie. "she didn't seem supportive even before she was pregnant") No one will care about your wedding as much as you. Repeat that to yourself when you find yourself disappointed around other people's reaction while you wedding plan. It.is.important.

She is a first time Mom. She might be nervous taking her baby out of the country (assuming that is what you mean by destination) or flying with a baby under 1 or leaving her baby for multiple days that young. Cut her some slack. Cut yourself some slack. She might change her mind, she might not.

As far as not having the wedding, that is drastic and puts a lot of pressure on someone who is 1. Pregnant! and 2. a first time Mom. That is not fair to her. My friend got married and even though it was her sister's second kid, she was about 8 months pregnant and the wedding was far enough from her hospital, she didn't feel comfortable going in case something happened. My friend did not hold that against her sister and while she was sad she missed it, they face-timed her for the ceremony so she could watch.

As PPs said, it hurts but don't let it get you down. Traveling with kids can be rough

As a mom, I would not have traveled to another country just for a wedding ( except Canada, just over an hour drive to border) when any of my kids were under 2 years old. Weather related or plane repair issues that can leave you stranded in an airport 6-10 hours? Won't do it even a long domestic flight, with very little Ines, just for a wedding that could have been held nearby. Pick your own destination and go, but fully expect a whole lot of people won't come. Even family, since the only people mist oeople will leave their children with overnight or longer is other relative's, who are going to be at the same wedding. I have travelled to weddings and brought the children, leaving them for ceremony and reception with a sitter. But not a baby under 1, ever. Not in any foreign country. Most destinations other people choose, FI/ now hubby and I would never ever want to go to on a vacation. And won't waste a week vacation on someone else wedding. Only when it is a country where we have family, and will spend non wedding time with other relatives. Other people seem to do destination weddings in places like cruises, all inclusive resorts, places I would not take my children for 4-7 days for any reason at all. And a hard NO traveling out of the country, with an under year old baby, if any medical issue comes up. May not even be able to communicate, finding physicians, what a nightmare. Plan not to have key people like sister there at all if you want a foreign wedding. Or marry near your home, then travel anywhere you want for as long as you want for a honeymoon. If this means your wedding reception is quite modest, coffee and dessert, or cold drinks and snacks, mid morning or afternoon, that is fine. Low cost, more for your foreign travel honeymoon. But expecting all to come out of the country for a destination wedding? Don't expect it. Lots of people do not have the time or budget, to take your choice of a vacation. And multi-days vacations with kids are tough. Most people with young kids have all they can do with upwards of $10,000 extra in costs, prenatal through first year with each baby. But have baby get sick in a foreign country where your insurance does not cover? Spend $25000 if they are hospitalized, which might have been covered at home with a $2000 co-payment, but must all be paid up front in another country? A nursing child? The thought makes me blanche.
We have 5 children, have taken them for a week or more at a time to several distant places, Greenland, Denmark, Sweden, Finland, Italy, and Canida from Manitoba to British Vancouver and Ontario and Quebec, and Newfoundland. But never a child under 2. And always to a family area, not a place where anyone would have a destination wedding. With at least 1 or 2 extra family adults as help. Not what would happen at a wedding. . . . In Canada, only 2 hours from home, South of Montreal, we took our two under 5 adoptive children to a 3 day wedding, when I was 7 months pregnant. And I gave birth, in our lodgings, in the middle of the night after the wedding. Had to stay an extra 2 weeks, baby delivered by family, no hospital involved, lucky I was near relatives and staying in their Band B. Never again .

Yea unfortunately it sounds like it's especially harder for her to travel with an infant.

My son is 11, so he comes everywhere with me. In fact, we are also having a destination wedding and I wouldn’t get married without him there. However when he was a baby, I would have never brought him out of the country. I also am not sure how I would have felt leaving him home while I went away. Maybe she does not have anyone to watch the baby if she comes without him, or maybe she’s planning on strictly breastfeeding and can’t leave him at home. It’s hard to say what the right response is, even without considering the costs of traveling on top of having a new baby at home. Was any of this mentioned before you decided on a destination wedding? If your fiancé is dead-set on not marrying without his sister there, you guys really need to sit down ASAP and figure this out.

I hope you and your fiancé have a chance to sit down and talk about everything. I get wanting to have a sister at your wedding but cancelling it all together doesn't seem fair to you.

How was the relationship prior to the announcement of the engagement? Have she traveled before and what is her reason for not wanting to bring her 10 month old child? It is nice that you are letting her bring your Nephew because a lot of weddings do not want children there.

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This right here I agree. My son was Two when my best friend was married in Mexico and I wouldn't have even thought about bringing him. His dad and I are split up so luckily he stayed with his dad but yeah If I had my son with me we wouldn't have gone. I definitely wouldn't travel out of the country with an infant. I traveled to New York (Where I'm from) from FL when my son was 3 months old and I vowed to never do anything like that again. Unfortunately this is the territory with a DW. I had a lot of people back out of my wedding because of the travel. Its not fair for your FH to base your wedding around his sister so i agree there but you can't be hurt shes declining that is a lot to ask with a little one.

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Unfortunately as she stated this child will be 10 months old, that by NO means is a toddler. The only thing that they could possibly help with would be if it was vacation time planning it around days she would half off anyways or finances. Anything mother related you can't expect a mother of a 10 month old to leave that child to go out of the country or bring them out of the country with you as thats just craziness in itself.

View Quoted Comment That’s crazy by your standards. I just disagree. 🤷🏽‍♀️