Sister is getting married on the exact date of my 1 year wedding anniversary

View Quoted Comment Gonna play devil's advocate here. It sounds like OP pretty much told her family that she wasn't going to move her vacation so she could attend the wedding. Which is fine. But if that's the case, what should her sister have said/done? Could be that she's trying to make her sister feel better by playing her absence off, or she really doesn't care because it seems like OP doesn't want to be there anyway.

View Quoted Comment I don't know for sure but it seems like her sister knew before hand that she was going to be out of town that day and still planned the wedding that day and then didn't at least check with her immediate family. I'm not saying you have to check but if you are unsure of dates of things people have going on you may want to check. It seems like her sister is trying to take her wedding over. And yes the op doesn't own that day like I said before. But her sister is going on her pinterest and taking all her wedding ideas and using them on her wedding. I don't know it just seems like the sister has some sort of issues towards her.

Well, as others have said, your sister is free to choose the same date as you. That date is not sacred to anyone but you, so she is welcome to marry that day. That date doesn't belong to you.

However.

You are also free not to go to her wedding. She should have realized that the downside to choosing the same day as your anniversary would mean you could not attend.

I can say that in your position, I would not attend. Doesn't matter if your trip was just to your backyard. You have made plans for your anniversary, which is sacred to you. Go on your anniversary trip, send sister a nice gift, and tell everyone else to shove off.

I would be so annoyed at my family for doing this. It's pretty classless IMO.

I get that you don't own a date, but I can't imagine a year after my sister got married deciding to get married in the same month/season and not at least avoid the exact same date. There's no real reason for that level of air-headedness unless Sister doesn't want you there.

She's very self-centered, and that's disappointing, especially to say that she doesn't care if you're there or not (although I suspect she said that out of a place of hurt/anger/pettiness at your declaration that you're not willing to cancel your vacation).

Is there anyway at all to adjust your dates? I know it may not be quite the same as doing it on your anniversary, but something intended to be a honeymoon still is no matter when you do it. Friends of FH and I did theirs about 6 months after they got married, but regardless it was still a honeymoon to them.

Unpopular Opinion: She 100% should have asked you regardless of everything else. It's your 1 year anniversary and I'm sure she had to know how much you would have wanted the big wedding you didn't get. There are 364 other days she could have picked. If I had planned an expensive vacation, told my family about said vacation on my one year anniversary and she went ahead and did this anyways I'd be salty, I don't care how close I am with my sister.

I don't blame you at all for being upset. Some people enjoy the idea of sharing their anniversary with someone close to them and some people don't. My mom's sister purposely married her third husband who our family hates on my parent's anniversary date after my mom mentioned her dislike of that idea. It probably wouldn't be as big of a deal to my mom if her and my dad weren't literally the only people on both sides who haven't gotten divorced so it's kind of special and sacred to her... but I digress...

It's disappointing that it sounds like she doesn't want to move her date at all. Like someone else mentioned, can you possibly just move your trip by a week? I would also understand if you don't love the idea of going to a wedding on your wedding anniversary.

Honestly, I think this is pretty lame of your sister. There are literally 364 other days in the year.

Sisters + Weddings = Rough Mix! I have an older sister. We fight over everything and nothing. We also sometimes get along really well. I know you already scheduled your honeymoon which is very important that you take the time to bond and relax with your Husband. It’s also important to be there for your sister. Maybe there is a way you can still attend and go to your honeymoon at another date? Any insurance for your honeymoon? If not maybe there is some special way you can celebrate her wedding at a different time? I know the feelings of anger/frustration are raw but as an outsider who would totally do the same thing/likely feel similar in your situation. I would need someone to tell me to try to be there for my sister’s wedding. You also probably have a lot of ... for lack of a better word...FOMO from missing your wedding, which is spilling over. Maybe take a week and write out your options? Really think about what would make you feel best if you looked back on this situation a few years from now.

Man, I could never pick my sisters wedding date knowing that choosing that would mean she couldn’t attend my wedding. I think you’re wise to
Stand your ground. She chose it knowing you couldn’t come as it’s your own honeymoon/anniversary. I’m sorry that would make a major rift.

I've never experienced that but unless that date had significant meaning, I feel like your sister should've picked a different date. I don't blame you for changing the date especially if you already paid deposits etc. Honestly if I were in your shoes I would be annoyed by that situation (unless that date actually meant something to her/them and if it did then I wouldn't have chosen that date). I would NEVER do that to my sister!

I feel like I’d be bothered about why your sister didn’t check to make sure you’d be in town before booking her wedding? If nothing else, that seems a little selfish to not consider immediate family’s schedules first.

I did not make it to 3 of 9 of my brother's and sister's weddings. Two I had other very long term plans and they had under 4 months and many other family things, the other family and ours ( weddings, a ⅝0th wedding for 2 couples on the other side, a wedding and 3 college graduation s on ours. The 3rd, could not get army leave. Yes, I was sorry I did not go to the weddings. 2 plans I had were abroad with people rarely seen, where bro and sis I saw at least 20 days a year. So I went. I am sure they knew I was not there. But in truth, if not wedding party the couple is likely to spend 10 minutes with you. I did one FI shower, and made my sister's wedding gown. Aside from time spent before the wedding, we would barely have seen each other. So I went elsewhere. We both understood the choices, and neither of us felt bad later . That is what I don't see here: why think it would damage your future relationship? Weddings are not a hugely important thing to most guests. And it is no one's business but you and your sister's, and she set this up after you, and doesn't much care. I think she is truthful there. Some key people were not around for my wedding, or shortly after we had (born) or adopted ( 2) of our kids. But I do not feel at all bad about it. It is a choice, 1 day, not a relationship breaker .

So your sister planned this wedding AFTER she knew of your plans?

I can't fault her if you made your plans after she announced her date.

I don't think there is anything wrong with piggybacking on another's date; it's just a day and it might be convenient for them or have meaning. But if plans were made after they knew you were going out of town on a big, preplanned, prepaid trip, then yes, I think there is some fault on her part.

Just want to say I am so sorry. People can be selfish. I would make a very large effort to have a calm conversation with her, explaining your stance, and why you don't feel like it would be at all responsible to completely throw over your trip (try to be unemotional about it if you can!).

I hope very much that your relationship can survive this...it sucks. HUGS.

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OUCH. That's a little b*****! I'm sorry

That is an extremely unfair thing for your sister to do. You should feel justified in your decision it is something she never should have done.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, nothing accident Al about this. And given such warm " I don't care if you are at my wedding or not," feelings , OP should freely enjoy her honeymoon. No bad feelings later.

I’m so sorry! I think it’s very wrong of her, and the other members in your family should’ve stepped up and voiced an opinion to her also! Not cool! I say keep your plans if she is! They knew you were planning your trip, messed up on her part for sure!!!

It seems like it would be very easy to move her wedding so she has made her choice, odd as it is. I would not reschedule your plans. She doesn't seem to be bothered. Love your sister, be forgiving, have a good time in Disney, and try not to let it sting to bad. Maybe FaceTime during the ceremony so you can "be there". Celebrate your anniversary and enjoy your trip. You absolutely deserve it.

Sisters always have issues I feel. My sister accused me of getting the exact same dress. Exact same veil. After I already picked it with her help. Her wedding was 17 years ago. I didn’t remember her dress and chose it based on fit. She also accused me of having the exact same ring set despite not picking the ring myself. So I changed my veil and dress to avoid weirdness. I can’t imagine a sister choosing the same date though. It’s just flat out rude. I would carry on with your plans

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100% agree