Slight Vent

I think since you offered, you should stick to your offer. Maybe money wouldn’t have been an issue for her to do both or maybe she would have had to postpone the tattoo, but what she does with her money isn’t really relevant to you. Like you said, she didn’t ask for you to pay for her flight and maybe that thought never would have even crossed her mind- I’ve never expected my out of town friends to cover my travel while participating in their weddings.

I wouldn't do anything differently if I wanted to keep that friendship. Her tattoo is for her (and will be with her for the rest of her life) and your wedding is for you. You are each spending your own money on things that are the highest priority for yourselves. That is absolutely appropriate.

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I agree with this!

If you offered, stick to your word and pay for her flight.

I agree with PP's. If you offered without even discussing if she could afford it, then it would be bad form to take it back. Maybe she wouldn't have been able to afford to travel, or maybe she would. She could have been saving up a long time for the sleeve, and depending on the tattoo artist, it could have taken months for the appointment. If you take it back and she can only afford one or the other, that's kind of a bad position to put her in.

I agree with everyone. She never asked for help, you just offered to pay. It would be terrible on your part to take the offer away. Maybe you should have discussed flights and her finances before offering to pay her way. It would have been a little different if she came to you asking for money for her flight, but she didn't so what she decides to do with her money is none of your business.

View Quoted Comment I absolutely agree with this

You offered without her even asking. How she spends her money isn’t your business, especially when she didn’t ask you to. Don't rescind the offer.

I know you can’t rescind your offer but silently I’d be fuming annoyed!!! 😡

View Quoted Comment But why? If someone does not ask for financial help and you just decide to give them financial help without actually knowing if they need it or not, why would you be fuming for them spending their money the way they want. If you would be mad it would have to be at yourself for not finding out first before offering to pay.


This bride should have found out first if the friend needed financial help before offering it. You know the saying says "You know what happens when you assume. You make an a$$ out of you and me." That's why you don't ever assume something because when stuff like this happens the only person you can blame is yourself.

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I don't understand why you'd be mad since you'd be the one who offered in the first place. It's not on the bridesmaid to tell her no if she offered. Weddings are expensive to be in and I would take that as a bride's way of thanking me for being a bridesmaid. If she didn't want to pay just to do a nice thing then she shouldn't have offered.

View Quoted Comment I guess I’m assuming she knows her friend really well, including her financial situation (my friends & I do talk about stuff like that or at least to a degree we know when one of us is going through a tough financial situation). But I can understand your point of view too.

View Quoted Comment See I grew up in a family were we were taught you never talk about religion, politics, or finances with anyone. So when it comes to my friends they don't have a clue what I can and can't afford.

View Quoted Comment Ah, I see. My friends & I are really close and open about almost everything.

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Love this answer!