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Mariah
Savvy May 2019

So disappointed in my wedding

Mariah, on October 25, 2019 at 5:31 AM

Posted in Family and Relationships 32

Has anyone felt just so incredibly disappointed after thier wedding? Not with the marriage, only with the wedding..? I consider myself to be a nice person.. if the 6 weddings I've been invited to I've attended 4 in the last 2 years.. each time purchasing the best gift I could afford, often times...
Has anyone felt just so incredibly disappointed after thier wedding? Not with the marriage, only with the wedding..?

I consider myself to be a nice person.. if the 6 weddings I've been invited to I've attended 4 in the last 2 years.. each time purchasing the best gift I could afford, often times spending a minimum of $100, on the gift alone.. then the outfit and travel expenses. I've got a huge family with more then 80 cousins and 15 aunts and uncles. No ones ever voiced a problem with me except my mother (for those continuing to follow, yes mama drama is still happening). I've gone to every wedding baby and bridal shower I've been invited to. I've gone out of my way to help people volunteering my free time to pick up thier shifts or get them from the air port or be with them when they were having a hard time helping them move or a emergency girls day after. Break up... if i cant attend an event i always send a gift... I try to be the good person..

Yes I had a non traditional wedding. But everyone told me to plan whatever I want because I'm the bride so whatever makes me happy. I had 2 wedding showers, the ceremony, and the reception. My work friends planned a shower in one location and my bridesmaids planned another 2 hours away. My ceremony an elopement on a different day then the reception.

The wedding shower planned by my bridesmaids was perfect, not a lot of people came but those that did had a great time. My MOH did tell everyone not to bring gifts though... The coworker shower was horrible.. the ones that planned it bailed 2 weeks before, 10 people had RSVP'D so I and my bridesmaids took over so they wouldn't feel out.. none of them knew that the host had changed... the day of I paid the venue and food and guess what. Literally NOONE came. Just the hosts.

The ceremony was fine. Bottom line is I married my best friend but the hair stylist was 45 mins late, didnt fo what we agreed on during the trial and by the time she finished I had 10 mins to get across town to makeup. My curls were falling out before the ceremony started. My mom came, woohoo!!! She was negative and rude making snide comments the whole time but she came. The pictures were pretty good. Not what was discussed but pretty.

The reception... everyone that agreed to help set up showed up late if at all.. so i had to help them set up to get it done in time.. so I didnt get my hair or makeup done. Also I didnt get around to getting my dress on till 3 people had already showed up. Then it starts raining. I love the rain so that didnt phase me... but my husbands suit got soaked so he didn't get dressed and my bridesmaids didn't wanna get changed donuts just me in a dress and everyone's in blue jeans.. over 30 people RSVP'D and more then 10 others stated a desire to attend. This number excludes wedding party, and immediate family. Who shows up? 5 people. 1 cousin and 3 coworkers. I have covered areas and tons of tables and benches and music loud enough that we had to turn it down to hear each other. I had tons of food and drinks... I ended up throwing away half my wedding cake.. oh right my cake... my mother in law is gonna pick up the top tier to my cake, my sister is making the other tiers.. I tell my MIL it's a 5 inch cake about 5 inches tall. She shows up with a cake that's probably 8 inches in diameter on the bottom and 3 inches on the top.. I could have made that work but no the damn thing was leaning so bad that I ended up chopping it in half just so it wouldn't break. Anyone who knows red velvet can imagine what happened next.. I try to fix the frosting and end up with what my MOH called a period cake.. she fixed it thank god... anyway.. threw half of my wedding cake away sent guests home with TONS of food and snacks and drinks it's been a month and a half and I still have stuff in my freezer and like 4 cases of beverages. The 8 people who asked me to RSVP for a place to stay didn't show up, so I could just cancel right? No the place updated thier cancelation policy and I missed the window by 21 days. I didnt know till the week before!?!?! I didnt have a chance. So yeah I get that out of pocket. I asked told guests not to feel obligated to get gifts if attending the reception because it was going to be a 1.5 drive minimum.

During the planning process I was told repeatedly to make a registry even though I asked for no gift for the reception because I was still having a shower and those that didnt attend would still want to send something. So I poured over the registry.. trying to make sure it was equal.. not too many big ticket items and not to many cheap things I didnt actually need. I was told to jot buy things for the kitchen because my whole family cooks and I would "for sure get things for the kitchen". Yes we live togther but it's all cheap Walmart utencils.. everyone knows I focused on paying off student loans instead of house stuff. I thought I could shop off my registry after the wedding guests were done...

Let's break it down:
Emotionally: of the 125 invites I sent less then 10 people showed up for a summer wedding. Must not be very loved. All family weddings I went to saw them open expensive kitchen gadgets and I got decorative pillows and the "well you make good money" or " you already live togther I thought you just wanted to update your stuff"

Financial: lost a TON of money. No one expects to make money during a wedding.. there is a whole industry for it haha but seriously didnt expect to loose that much.. and having to do a whole shower and have no one show...

Materialistic: except decorative pillows nothing of actual importance off my registry was bought...

After I got back from my honeymoon I got 3 invites to family events with links to thier registry or potluck requests.. and I'm filled with such a furious indignation... why should I go to your birthday bash that happens every year if you didnt come to my wedding. Why would I send a gift if you didnt. Who cares about your BBQ...

Is this just me? I feel like such a miserable excuse for a human..
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32 Comments

  • A
    Super February 2020
    Andrea ·
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    I'm so sorry all this happened to you. I am hurting for you reading your post.

    I have learned that people just take advantage of you when they can, including family. I have distanced myself from most of my extended family members because I don't like the drama or the excuses - and none of them are invited to my wedding either.

    You should only surround yourself with positive people who will bring you joy and hope. Take a step back and just enjoy being married because at the end of the day you two are the only ones who matter in this world. Everyone else will either make the effort to come see you or they are just meant to make an appearance.

    xo

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  • Jocelyn
    Devoted December 2019
    Jocelyn ·
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    Lord just reading this has me mad for you! Im sorry you had to deal with this! I am petty! My a$$ would rsvp to all the events and not show up. I think i would be wishing they would ask me why i said yes to going but didn't! Because i would simply say the same way you couldn't bother to show up to my wedding, i couldn't show up to your birthday that's every year! This would probably take me a year to get over because i would be fuming! I agree with the other comment plan something for your one year anniversary! Go all out book makeup and hair, book a photographer for an hours, go out to eat for the nights, and rent a hotel just for the night. Please do not give in to any of them! You don't owe then nothing! Learn to say no, you don't need to give an explanation but say "no" and hit send or hand up. I have a cousin by marriage that my mom thinks won't show to my wedding because she doesn't show to important family events but her husband(my cousin) rsvp for his family of 4(her included). I will call her out at the Christmas eve party if she doesn't show because she had 6 months to requested off at her department store job and they rsvp for 4. She's bouji and i call her the one upper because she likes to be better than everyone and show off. Lord hun, just forget about them, if its hard for you to decline the rsvp for them simply delete the link and don't look at it.

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  • A
    Just Said Yes August 2020
    Anakron ·
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    Yeah, it's okay to be disappointed as you didn't get anything what you did for them. The Only Way is to let it go happened is happened and you can't help it right.

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  • Emily
    Expert September 2020
    Emily ·
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    Dang lady, that all blows. My only advice for that stuff is always to "get busy" - don't just RSVP no and then like wallow in a dark basement. Truly RSVP no because you've got your own s**t going on and sorry, but your weird BBQ just isn't on the top of my list anymore.

    You could take up hiking/ camping, home fixer hobbies, join some local Meetup groups that go dancing, etc. Just find your tribe of ppl and if you happen to manage to find some free time - maybe go to a few family weddings.

    Cheer up!

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  • Priscilla
    Dedicated September 2020
    Priscilla ·
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    Be thankful for the ones that were there...as far as the ones that didnt show or even make an effort....i personally would reciprocate that attitude. Of course thats not the "right" answer but its my honest one. If i sent an invite to you its because i consider you important. If you have no excuse to not show then i will not be apart of any of your events either.
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  • Little
    Dedicated February 2020
    Little ·
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    Wow, that doesn't even sound real! I'm so sorry to hear that.

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  • E
    Savvy September 2020
    Erin ·
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    I am so sorry that your day did not turn out how you hoped it would. I'm sure you put a lot of thought and hard work into and it can be incredibly disappointing when people don't do the bare minimum of RSVPing/showing up.

    Are there any specific non-attendees you could talk to about how they made you feel? If I were in your shoes, I think a huge part of how I was feeling after the fact would be from wondering why Aunt Sally didn't make it if I thought we had a good relationship etc etc. It may make you feel better if you can receive some type of closure or even apology. It also might be helpful for you to just get your feelings in the open with your family if it can lead to you all being more in the same page going forward/them understanding what's important to you. Best of luck as you try to move forward from this.
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  • Kiara
    VIP August 2021
    Kiara ·
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    Wow im sorry this happened to you & im sad that these ppl did this to you... But Im happy you married your best friend at the end of the day..

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  • Mson
    Savvy February 2020
    Mson ·
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    I am so sorry for how things turned out. But you know what? You're a beautiful human and don't stop being who you are. You are thoughtful, kind and considerate. Keep being that, even when it feels like no one else around you is. And it sounds like you put so much work and money into your wedding and I can only imagine how frustrating that is but I hope you won't change how you show up for others, that is a gift. It will come back to you, maybe in different ways than you imagined but it will. After all, it is part of the greatest commandment, love your neighbors as yourself. I only hope that others will learn from you how to show up for others Smiley smile

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  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
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    Every wedding definitely is a major cost to the bride and groom. A wedding is not an opportunity to make money. I had a friend say that we should hold off on house hunting because we'd get so much money from the reception that we could use it for the down payment. I laughed so hard at that. We received a couple of checks and that was it and you know what? We were fine with it because we didn't throw a wedding to try to get money. I think you had high expectations from people only to be let down. Do you do a lot for people? Sounds like you do. But honestly most people don't reciprocate just because you are always feeling obligated to gift for everything you are invited to. No one is keeping score of gift giving but you. What matters is that you married your best friend. The people who didn't come missed out. It's their loss. Not yours. Now your eyes are opened to how it is to be on the receiving end of things. I'm sure a lot of those weddings and parties you attend and everything looks perfect and they look spoiled have their own sets of issues as well.

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  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
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    I just want to give you a hug. I am so sorry.

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  • Andrea
    Savvy November 2022
    Andrea ·
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    Hi, I'm so sorry this happened to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I feel slight disappointment in my wedding. Yes, I got to marry my best friend (Everyone reminds me of this ). Sure it's great, but like, c'mon, that's not what I'm upset about.

    Our photos just came in today, and like they are okay many of the photos, I look pissed or just constipated, lol. However, like the photographer was TERRIBLE, the videographer was kind. The photos came out great; my husband and I were like, "Why did he take a pic of the caterer in this shot?"

    However, it was awful; the videographer was amazing the photographer had me do all the work. I wrangled people who ran around no one listened to me even though I sent in shot lists for the photographer and said I was the point person people noted the man did not do a damn thing to pose or help people gather for photos. I had to gather photos. I was going horse looking for family and friends. I had no coordinator for the day. Despite this being told, I would have one by the chef and a group of caters. My mother was furious that there were little things in the video. You can see the Mic is stuck together with tape. HOW THE HELL ARE YOU PROFESSIONALS AND HAVE A MIC STUCK TOGETHER WITH TAPE? When I explain this to people and their RESPONSE, EVERYONE"s RESPONSE, "BUT YOU'RE MARRIED RIGHT IN YEARS TO COME. YOU WON'T CARE WHEN YOU HAVE KIDS ETC"

    And it's like, NOOO, that's not the point at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    We did the courthouse marriage so we could do our wedding reception, and a month later, in my childhood, the Pennsylvania country house area was meant to be unique to us. Everyone got to experience a loving environment. What I got was the squeaking of the fireplace. You couldn't hear anyone's speeches it was upsetting in so many ways, and everyone just everyone says they had a blast, but my mother and I noticed the little things that didn't add up

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