So I was invited to a second marriage wedding shower...

Yeah but you keep justifying why it's okay to snub this particular girl rather than focus on your alleged question of "is this a thing". I'm sorry you keep deflecting on me rather than face the fact that your attempt to make fun of someone backfired. Yes you're being hormonal and judgmental and....you actually seem pretty butthurt since you brought it up at all. People who throw shade are usually jealous. Just sayin'.

@DMN, I sure I'm opening a can of worms here, but out of curiosity, why did you decline the wedding? It seems like you guys have been good friends for a long time. Was it what you already had plans, don't support the marriage, or don't want to give a gift again? Or a different reason? Just curious....

I don't think it's a huge deal. I'm sure her loved ones wanted to throw her a shower. I am currently pregnant with identical twin boys. I have a 9 year-old daughter. My friends insisted on throwing a shower. 1.) I have a different peer group than I did a decade ago when I was pregnant with my daughter. 2.) Obviously, I got rid of all of my daughter's baby stuff years ago. 3.) Identical twins are not all that common. My friends thought that this pregnancy was worth celebrating. I don't think that makes me gift grabby. It meant a lot to me that wanted to celebrate these babies. If you don't want to go, politely decline. I think your response is more inappropriate than the fact she is having a shower.

Second marriage. Second baby. As long as the bride/mom isn't throwing it herself, I don't really care lol circumstances change over time.

@Lola because she lives in a different state and it's less than a month after I'm due. The second shower just threw me way off.

EDT: I moved to a different state. She's in the same state we grew up in together.

The ladies in my office just threw my boss a surprise second shower. They also gave me a surprise second baby shower, so I'm guessing it is becoming the new thing to do.....

Yep totally gift grabby. It's just as bad as buying new rings for your 2nd marriage. The ones from your 1st marriage are just fine. Damn ring grabby people. :/

Gotcha, so that's makes sense. And as far as the second showers, I wouldnt say it's a thing, as in the newest trend in the wedding industry. But everyone's situation is unique and obviously someone wants her to have one. So I say, who cares!! Live and let live. It's not hurting anyone, you don't have to pay for it, and fortunately you have the option of going or declining.

The other thing to think about is that as we ladies get older, this may become more common. Not everyone is fortunate enough to stay married and by the time we hit our 30's. 40's and 50's it much more common to have friends divorce and remarry. So, I'm sure a second wedding shower may become more common amongst your friends in you life. This particular brides family/friends obviously want to celebrate and this is just one way of doing that.

Again, I would encourage you not to say anything negative to her about it. It's not nice to hurt someone feelings for no reason.

Lol ring grabby!

My FMIL's friend threw her a shower for wedding #3. Granted she's only registering with a Honeyfund, so that's a whole other story, but if someone wants to throw you a shower on any number marriage, go for it.

I don't think it's anyone's place to judge her. In my opinion showers are not thrown so much for the idea of gifts, but to have a gathering to celebrate a happy occasion. I know they are cCalled showers, & I know that showers originally meant a showering of gifts, but I think that has changed a bit. So if you don't want to go, it's probably best if you dont. But I personally don't see the big deal it sounds like it could be a fun party. I myself would just go and have some fun. It's not like you have to bring a $1000 gift.

Who cares if someone is throwing her a bridal shower for her 2nd wedding? If you don't want to go, just decline and move on with your life.

If someone threw it for her, she probably didn't have a say. A few brides here mentioned that despite telling MOH/family to not do it, they do it anyways.

So why are you saying she is gift grabby when she has no control?

Any time a bride throws herself a shower, I think that's gift grabby and just tacky. If someone is throwing her the shower, I think it's great that people care about her enough to do that in her honor! If people are throwing it for her, she most likely doesn't have much say in anything regarding it. I don't care if a couple lived together for 10 years before their marriage or if the bride was married 5 other times. Every bride deserves a shower (if she wants one and has people willing to throw one, of course).

Second showers are not a big deal. I am 30 and I have quite a number of friends who got married for the first time at 22 and are now divorced and engaged again. 9 times out of 10 if a "young marriage" failed is because they did not have a pot to piss in let alone anything else. Furthermore odds are high that just because one person is on marriage #2, the other side of that couple might be having their first marriage. My FSIL married a man who was a divorcee, we had a shower for her. Who the hell cares?

This will be my 2nd marriage, FH's first. I originally told FMIL we didn't really need a shower, but she has insisted as she is very excited for us to get married! Just because this is my 2nd marriage, doesn't mean FH can't experience the things that come along with getting married. I don't think a bride should ever throw her own shower, 2nd marriage or not. It doesn't sound like she is throwing it herself. I think you are being way judgmental. Just decline and move on. No need to make a big deal over it.

I don't see why its a problem. If it was second marriage (which it wasn't), I wouldn't have wanted a shower, but if someone offers, who is anyone to judge. My SIL didn't have one as its her second marriage and her husband (my BIL) had 2 previous showers thrown by his mother for his previous fiancés.... (that's another story LOL). Either way she was fine without having one. However, they had an awesome shower for her for her upcoming baby, which I think was the family's way of saying, here's your shower!

Either way, it seems like you're being too judgmental over her situation regardless if you know her or not.

I think you're over-reacting. I don't see why a second-time bride shouldn't have a shower, especially because 1) she (assumingly) got married a long time ago and 2) probably gave half of the original gifts away in the divorce lol. I mean, brides who live with their FH's before marriage get a shower and no one thinks twice about it.

I did not have a first shower 23 years ago and did not have a 2nd one this time. We did not have a bridal party, but my mother really wanted to throw me a shower this time around. We were grateful but declined because we both thought it felt gift grabby TO US. We have everything we need and if we don't, we can save and buy it (new dishes, kitchen-aid mixer, new towels). And we did actually take some of the money we received at the wedding and bought some new flatware and towels. For us, it did not feel right to be 'showered'. For other 2nd time brides, if they have people in their lives who want to put something together for them, I think it's fine. I would never even bat an eye if I were invited to a 2nd bridal shower.

I was married in 1998, and this is my FH first marriage. I don't want a shower, however his mother is very excited to throw me one. Although none of the people that would be invited to the shower even knew me back when I got married the first time-I still feel bad about having a shower thrown for me. I don't want or need gifts, and don't want to come across as grabby. However, I've come to realize that his mother has one chance to throw a wedding shower for her daughter in law. She is very excited and really wants to do this. I posted a thread on this very topic a couple of weeks ago, and based on feedback I received from you all (thanks!!) I've realized that her feelings in this situation are more important than mine. I will be thankful and gracious, as her kindness and thoughtfulness are appreciated so much. I may be a 2nd time bride, but this is a 1st and only for my FMIL. Thanks WW for helping me understand that.. ETA SPELLING