I had my bachelorette party, and my matron of honor and this friend had a huge blowout on the last night. I was told that they had both been going back and forth for a while (even during the planning, which I was not in the group chat for.)
I was only in the room/a witness to the big fight they had at the end on my bachelorette trip. I was extremely intoxicated and had no ability to process what was happening, but do remember staying with her to make sure she was okay afterwards instead of going inside with everyone else. I was not in the room for any of the other little tiffs that I kept being told about, so I decided that because I was not there and because I was being told conflicting stories, it was best for me to not take sides.
My friend called me a few days ago and blamed me for the entire fight with my MOH, telling me that I caused it because I did not stand up for her. She also told me that she doesn’t think she can have me as her Matron of Honor anymore, but she would like to have me as a bridesmaid because I acted as an unsupportive friend. Important to say that this is the only time she has ever felt that I was unsupportive. I have been supportive (not just of her wedding, but life in general) and the one other time that she felt that I had hurt her, I immediately apologized and made corrective actions to make sure that she never felt that way again - I brought this up to her but she didn't really say anything about it.
I told my friend that I was too drunk to have done anything the night of the big fight, and she said she disagrees that I was that drunk and that she felt I could have done more. I told her that I had tried to talk to the both of them to put this to rest but I cannot control two grown adults. She would not tell me what else she thinks I could have done but believes I did not do enough.
I am extremely hurt that after almost 20 years of friendship, she decided to remove me as her matron of honor in the 2 and a half days that we had been back home from the trip. I don’t feel as secure in our friendship as I had once felt, and still feel like she is asking me to take sides, which I will not do because both girls are extremely important to me.
Important to mention that I don't agree and am frustrated with both of their actions. This trip was really important to me and I feel like everyone made it about themselves and now I'm left to pick up the pieces.
I’m not sure that I can look at my friend the same way anymore, not because of their argument, but because she's allowing another person to dictate the relationship she has with me. At the risk of sounding a little dramatic, I don’t think that I can move past how betrayed and disposable I feel to her. When we were younger, a friend of hers that I don't care for was treating me horribly. She did not get in the middle of it and refused to take sides. I brought this up to her, but she excused it saying that she was young and would have handled it very differently now. I told her that it's very easy to say that when it's not you in the middle of two people that you care about very much in a space that's supposed to be celebrating love.
Can someone please offer some advice?
