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Beginner September 2023

Someone i don’t want asked to be a bridesmaid!

Marcy, on January 10, 2023 at 12:49 AM Posted in Planning 0 10

I currently have 4 bridesmaid with the possibility of a 5th one. One of them has a sister and growing up I was close to both of them though we lost touch over the years. I met up with one of them recently after I got engaged. We had a great time and started taking about my wedding (she was already invited). I mentioned how my fiancé has more groomsmen than I have bridesmaids and she kinda offered to be one, in a joking but serious way. I thought it was a bit awkward but I was kinda thinking about asking her anyways so said of course. At the time her sister was abroad and was going to be for a few years so even though she was invited, she said she couldn’t make it. Anyways something came up so she’s coming home now and she literally texted me asking if she can be a bridesmaid (probably because her sister is). I haven’t seen her in 10 years and our personalities are so different now. I’m stressed because even though we were close growing up, her and her sister would constantly fight and literally abuse each other. It wasn’t great hanging out with them at the same time. I feel like asking like that is so rude. I don’t know if I even have room in my budget for another bridesmaid. I’m still waiting to hear back from the 5th girl who will already bring me over budget. She’s my best friend from college, who lives abroad and is having trouble getting a visa, so for her it’s worth it. What do I do???!

10 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on January 16, 2023 at 11:07 PM
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    I would just be up front and tell her that while you value her friendship and are excited she’ll be able to attend the wedding, that you feel that because of the distance over the last decade, you would prefer to keep it to the people you have now.
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  • Alyssa
    Super October 2023
    Alyssa ·
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    Tell her you'd appreciate her more coming as a guest, rather than stressing to be a bridesmaid. That and you have already chosen your bridesmaids. I can't believe her audacity to ask such a thing.
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  • K
    Super September 2023
    Kimberly ·
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    That is such a rude request. I would just tell her thanks for the offer but you’ve already lined up all your bridesmaids, but you’re so excited that she’s now available to attend the wedding.
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  • M
    Beginner September 2023
    Marcy ·
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    That’s a good idea thank you!

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  • M
    Beginner September 2023
    Marcy ·
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    I can’t believe it either! But Thanks for your suggestion!

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  • M
    Beginner September 2023
    Marcy ·
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    It is!! But yeah good idea thank you!

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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa Online ·
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    I agree with this! It's a bold request on her part to ask to be in the wedding party, and you are not obligated in any way to include her as a bridesmaid. I would respond with something along the lines of, "I've already selected my wedding party and I'm unable to add another bridesmaid, but I'm so excited to have you attend my wedding!"
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Wow that's awkward. I would respond with something like "it won't be possible for you to be a BM, but looking forward to seeing you at the wedding!"

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  • M
    Beginner September 2023
    Marcy ·
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    Thanks everyone, all your responses were very helpful!

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Shut that down immediately because a person doesn’t get to demand or request the position. Tell the one existing bridesmaid “We’re looking forward to celebrating with you but we didn’t plan to invite your sister because we haven’t kept in touch”. Do not respond to the sister as her comments are uncalled for and it’s impolite to say “you are not a bridesmaid” or “you are not invited”.
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