Something Blue Crew?

This sounds like an “honorary bridesmaid” which is a consolation prize and not an honor. Don’t go into debt if you are already over budget. If someone was not on the original list to be a bridesmaid (or groomsman), then don’t create a consolation role for them. Being a regular guest enjoying themselves is a huge honor, even though the internet says it’s not. Not everyone wants to be a bridesmaid and that’s ok. They can still hang out (already dressed with hair/makeup already done) while you get ready. Don’t give them bridesmaid gifts and flowers because they are not bridesmaids. Same for gifts and boutonnières for the groomsmen. Don’t give them to anyone who is not an official groomsman.



Btw, countless bridesmaids and groomsmen hail from areas not local to the wedding everyday with no issues. They have no duties except rent/purchase clothing and show up at the rehearsal and wedding day to support the couple. Planning the wedding is the sole responsibility of you and your partner only, and attending pre-wedding parties is always optional. Don’t use being local only as a minimum criteria to be an attendant.

This something blew crew is honestly kind of insane. Someone is either in the bridal party or they aren't. Having this made up crew of extra people who you aren't close enough to include in the bridal party, but yet you want to somehow honor with this made up thing makes no sense. It also makes no sense to then insist they have to wear a certain color and participate in activities with you. I think it gives the message that they were B listed from the list of all of the people who you could have picked to be a bridemaid/groomsman.

Also the fact she is moving and won't live nearby should have no baring on if she's in the bridal party. Several people who were in our bridal party lived nowhere near where the wedding was going to take place. That didn't mean they were excluded from the bridal party due to geographical location.

The something blue crew is seen as really distasteful where I’m from. It reads “you weren’t good enough to be in the wedding party, but I’m still going to ask you to spend extra money on blue clothing to attend my wedding”. Personally, I would much rather simply be invited to enjoy the wedding as a guest, in attire of my own choosing. I know your heart is in the right place, but it’s going to come off as a pity consolation prize.

Yeah, this is not a thing I’m familiar with, and it sounds pretty insulting. Just have them as guests. Don’t make them to to extra trouble and expense while telling them they’re not good enough to be in the bridal party.

I am grateful that I've never heard of this term, or at least never heard of it being given a name until now. The idea is both offensive and distasteful. Either you're in the bridal party or you're not. Guests should not be asked or required to dress according to any color or theme. If including these people meant so much then the good news is you are not obligated to provide hair and makeup services and can probably likewise adjust your floral budget accordingly. This comes across as your photos and vision being more important than honoring the people you really wanted.

The fact that someone is living at a distance is an issue, why? Bridal party is not obligated to participate, plan, or host parties. I've been in weddings on the other side of the country. Hosting pre-wedding events is always entirely optional and voluntary.

Also, I don't know what someone's spouse asking your FI to do has anything to do with her role in your wedding. Honors are not tit for tat and spouses of bridal party members do not have to be in the wedding.

Consolation prize sums it up perfectly.

As an honored guest, I prefer to pick my own event clothes like an adult. I would not want to be told by the couple that I'm part of the B team, told to buy something new in a color so as to designate me as B team at the wedding, and then additionally told to be at a rehearsal dinner to watch you honor the A team on a separate day. All of that is insulting, and I don't care if social media thinks it's cute to dress and humiliate your circle.


Treat your friends like friends. Every wedding invitation is an honor. Not everyone wants to be in the WP anyway.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for the responses. For clarification the moving states away is only a concern because this set of friends tend to be flaky and had already made us move our shower/bachelor party to ensure their attendance and then last minute bailed. I brought this up because as much as it is ab option to be in the bridal party, it is also extra obligation if so. IMO I would hope that my bridal party would be supportive at events. I'm ignoring these factors of "bailing" because she still means a lot to me. As for the comments regarding my fiance not being in their bridal party at their (the friend set at issue) wedding and going tit for tat, I bring this up solely to demonstrate that he was asked to be "something blue crew" for their wedding (which is where I heard of this term/"role" to begin with). I was know based off of everyone's passionate responses that both we should have been offended about the "something blue crew" and if we do this for ours we would be tasteless and hurtful. I was hoping this was a considerate thing to potentially give them acknowledgement for their friends and to hopefully cut back on wedding attendance cost since they would be wearing outfits they already had that were blue vs forcing them into bridal party rental suit contracts and bridesmaid dresses. Your comments have made this situation clear, with some actually being slightly hurtful, however thank you for the responses as it has made one thing clear... something blue crew is not the way to go.

If you know someone is flaky and not reliable, believe them that they don’t prioritize you and do not cater to them. True friends will show up and support you. Let go of the unreliable acquaintances.

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Some couples may not think it is insulting when they ask, but I would not replicate this idea for your own wedding. Not everyone has blue formal wear (man or woman) and so hosts asking anyone to dress in novelty is controlling and against poor etiquette. We're not Bridgerton afterall.

I'm not sure of parts of your comment, but throwing a bach party or shower is not an obligation for the WP. I'm sorry for your experiences though. If your friends have a history of being flaky, then assess the friendships for what they are and lower expectations across the board. Just focus your wedding on the commitment between you and your partner, not others. It's really about you two anyway. Best wishes.

View Quoted Comment A bridal party is not obligated to host or attend events. The only “extra obligation” is to wear the appropriate outfit, and support you on the big day. Anything else is optional. It’s inconsiderate that they bailed on your bachelorette party/shower when the whole thing was moved for them but it’s also possible they had a good reason.

“Adding/moving around” the bridal party makes them sound like props. They are your most valued people, and you’re supposed to be honouring them with a spot in the wedding party.