Soon to be sister in law insist on being in the wedding.

You are not wrong. Considering that the standard of modern weddings imitates the 1700s victorian standards with a bride and a groom and bridesmaids and maids of honor and groomsmen, it is actually considered bad luck to have FSIL or siblings in the bridal party. "It's a family thing" is just a giant excuse to have all of your family members center all important events. You should ask him if all of his female cousins should also be fitted for bridesmaids dresses.

Or anyone who is related to you.

When I got really upset after like the third day of it being brought up I asked what the big deal is with it. He said she is my sister and I want her to be apart of the day too. I said back, yes she will apart of the d at. Sitting in a pew like my brothers will be. I didn't ask hiim to put my brothers as groomsmen. I would think that I would get the same reespect and not back last on it. I would hate to just not invite her at all if it's going to cause problems.

These days, the bridesmaids do not all have to be female as the groomsmen do not all have to be male. If he wants his sister in the wedding party, have him put her as a "grooms woman" on his side.

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I think FH should have some say bc it is his wedding too but you do make a good point about your brothers. I wonder what his position is on why it is ok not to include your brothers but his sister has to be included? Seems a little one sided.

I don’t think you’re in the wrong my fiancé has two sisters and neither than expected to automatically be in the wedding the one person I’ve had problems with would be his mother saying that she didn’t feel involved in the wedding but I mean reality she lives in another state so I’ve been trying to include her as much as possible and she’s gonna walk him down I also pretty much that’s the closest to being in the wedding but that is kind of silly that she assumes that she’s going to be in the wedding as far as a bridesmaid go because a bridesmaid is always going to be someone that is really close to you Or a close friend or family member I have one cousin as a bridesmaid he’s practically my sister and then my sister as my matron of honor and then for girlfriends of mine his sisters never even crossed my mind because we’re not that close

My FSIL is one of my bridemaids, could I have picked some one else sure, but he only has ONE sister, if he had multiple I wouldn't have added any of them. She lives in a different state and has been the most pleasant bridesmaid out of the close family and friends I have as bridesmaids and MOH. Its sad to say but this might effect the relationship with your in laws...people do not let stuff like this go.

I have a few different things to say about this but I will try to keep it short.
1) No one should ever assume they are part of your wedding party. That is just rude of them.
2) If the FH wants to put in the wedding party then he can have her on his side, although that would make you have an uneven wedding party.
3) I think it is important to compromise with the FH, it is his wedding too.
4) I do think you have a point about him pushing you when you didn't insist that your brothers be groomsmen.

You and your FH should have a discussion about this and come to a compromise. I had to do the same thing with my FH when we changed the wedding date. I gave him a list of reasons of why I wanted to move the date and why it really mattered to me. Then I asked him to give me a list of reasons of why it was important to not move the wedding date. I made sure to listen and not make up counter points in my head while he was talking. After that he decided he was okay with the wedding date and then he picked our venue because I couldn't decide which venue I liked better.

I hope you work things out! I don't know what your relationship is like with the FSIL but deciding how you and the FH will interact with your families with situations like this is important. I mean later on what happens when the FSIL insists on being a godparent or something like that. I am sure you and the FH will find a good solution.

No way! My FH and i have three kids 6, 4, and 6 months and are getting married on our 10 yr anniversary. With that being said, we are NOT having anyone stand up that we do not want. We have waited too long for this day and WE are the ones planning and paying for it. My FH has 3 siblings and I have 2, NONE of them are standing up. I made my sister my first son's godmother and we literally see her like once every 6 months. My FH has his little sister doing a reading at the ceremony but the other two siblings are extremely unreliable and I refuse to be having people cancelling or being late for things for my wedding. We chose friends and cousins that our kids and us see on a regular, talk to weekly, and go on outings with who are supportive and have had weddings that know what we're going through. And evey single one of them has told us its your day, and i wish i would have just put who i wanted in my wedding, but most of them had big wedding parties due to guilt trips and obligation. I will not be budging.