Sos! Having to downsize wedding even further and stuck with who to cut!

You said you could cut two people from your guest list. I would do that and get rid of the three children. Like completely get rid of them. There is no need to have flower girls or a page boy in the wedding party. Plus, now that you are having strictly a ceremony and a sit down dinner, I don’t think that is going to be fun for the children anyway. Save yourself the drama with your family and the boredom (and probably fussiness) with the children.

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Even if I remove the 2 people, we still need to remove another 2 people to get down to 38.

We aren't willing to compromise on removing the children from the bridal party (they are family who we adore) and have already bought all their outfits anyway. My dream wedding has been torn from my grips and I'd like to at least have some of the traditional elements if we are able to.

Ugh it's such a mess!

View Quoted Comment If you are unwilling to sway on the children, I would see if perhaps a babysitter could pick them up immediately after the ceremony. If not, you are really only left with two options: 1. Remove people that you do not want to remove or 2. Remove the nephews you are not close with, and then have to suffer through family drama for who knows how long, and possibly not have your own father in attendance at your wedding. It’s really just going to come down to what you are willing to sacrifice at this point. I am so sorry you are basically having to choose between bad or bad. Especially because I know you have had to downsize and compromise on your wedding vision multiple times already 😢

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I think a small part of me is hoping that my dad (and moreso his sister) would understand that after postponing and downsizing our wedding by 80% that our hands are somewhat tied and would respect the decision but I don't really know for sure.

Honestly at this point I am so over this wedding that I look forward to it all being over and done with.

View Quoted Comment Girl, at this point I don’t blame you! My heart truly goes out to you. I would hope for your sake that your family would understand, but when you said you came from a large Russian family, my brain said EEEEK! My two best friends are Russian and Greek, and as much as I absolutely adore their families, I’ve seen how they can really take things personally, cause drama and hold a grudge! Have your parents offered any sort of advice/solution to your predicament?

I would get rid of the children in that scenario.

I agree with Cece, have you put the matter before your family/dad and asked him what he would do in your shoes?
I honestly thing I'd just nix the nephews and deal with the drama. At the end of the day you don't have much relationship with them anyway, and if their mother is going to hold a grudge over that then let her - it's not like you chose not to invite them from the outset, you'd have invited them if you could.

What you do want to bet that it all comes from the Aunt too, and neither nephew probably really cares either way if they're invited. Families! what a nightmare.

I so hope you get to have something approximating your day. You've had to give up so much already.

Cut anyone you don’t have a relationship with. Doesn’t matter if they are family. Have a family reunion when it’s safe to do so. Don’t uninvite friends

Have you explained this to your dad? So you can at least get a feel for how he might feel and/or so he could talk to his sister?

Cut the people you don’t want there, family drama be damned. It’s on your aunt if she decides to get upset, not on you. Blame Covid (it’s not like you’re lying). If she asks, tell her you were required to make cuts and you had to make difficult decisions. And leave it at that. If she brings it up again, shut down the conversation and say you’ve explained you had to make cuts because of Covid and you will not discuss it further. Rinse and repeat as often as necessary.


I totally get what you’re saying about just wanting to be done with all of it. We postponed from last year as well and are in the exact same place. We’ve decided we’re not taking gruff from anyone. It’s our wedding. We’ve already had to make HUGE sacrifices because of Covid. So we have put our foot down with several family members.
Best of luck - we’ll make it thru!

I honestly had to cut 60 people from my guest list before sending out save the dates or invites and they were all family as my guest list was all family so there were no plus ones or friends or the usual people you’d cut first on our list to trim first. If there are hurt or angry feelings about it I haven’t personally heard of them or been confronted, even if I had, I’d still be married and life would still go on for me and my husband. My husband and I offered live-streaming of our entire wedding day and hoped everyone would understand the very less than ideal situation we’ve been placed in. My husband and I are now happily married and living our lives. Hard choices had to be made. Choices that kept me up at night but we made them and everything worked out in the end and we had our magical day with 44 guests. If your dad is willing to miss out on your special day he is choosing to burn that bridge with you and it will not be on you. Cut who you truly want to cut. Offer a live stream to still connect if you’d like. But you honestly can’t please everyone it’s an impossible task. Even before covid it was impossible and now with covid it’s just not worth the extra stress. Explain the situation to your dad, aunt and cut her grown children from the guest list since they seem to be the least close to you. It’s all about having those you couldn’t get married without.

You mentioned that your parents said that whoever you cut will understand, so it sounds like they're understanding of the situation! I would talk with them first about cutting your dad's nephews from the invite list before you make a final decision, and also maybe show them your guest list and explain why you feel that would be the best decision. Remind them that you don't want to cut anyone, though current restrictions are forcing you to do so. They might end up supporting your decision, and they can help relay that information to your aunt.

I don’t understand your dad saying he’d support anyone you had to cut but he won’t go to your wedding if his sister gets offended and won’t come?? That’s not being supportive at all.
Cut the nephews and if your dad gets up in arms about it, stress what a tough decision this was for you and how nothing about this wedding planning process has been easy. It’s unfair for him to put any pressure on you.

I had a heart to heart with my parents and basically explained the options I had left and told them that considering we are having 20% of our original guest list, my hands were tied with who to further remove from our list and that I would really appreciate their support in understanding that I didn't want to take good friends off the list in favour of family invited as a courtesy.

Thankfully they were completely understanding (they took a completely different approach to when we briefly discussed the idea last year since the circumstances have changed with 4 months of lockdown) and knew that bit by bit our original wedding plans were being taken away from us by things beyond our control and that this was the least they could do to help ease the burden.

My dad spoke to his sister/my aunt and explained that we won't have room to invite her sons, only her and her husband, and thankfully she was also understanding of the circumstances, so it looks like we have averted a crisis. Phew!

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Yay!!!! SO glad it all worked out and your family was understanding!! Now your government needs to STOP making changes so you can have your event already! Sheesh!

View Quoted Comment Awesome!! Glad everyone was so understanding!

So glad! I was going to suggest the nephews too fwiw.

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Tell me about it!

Honestly, after being in lockdown for 4 months and downsizing from 160+ to 38 people, I am just ready for the day after the wedding where I can relax (and eat leftover cake for breakfast).

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Honestly THANK GOODNESS! I couldn't stand the idea of cutting people from the list that we actually want there in lieu of the courtesy invites because they are family so I am so relieved that everyone came around.