Special Kind of Wedding: Complete Gender Role Reversal Wedding. Would that be okay in this day and age?

As long as you're comfortable wearing a dress and the flower boy is OK wearing a dress, this all sounds completely fine to me otherwise. There are no firm rules about who has to walk down the aisle and when.

This is hard, I'm trying to type out what to say without being offensive or insensitive. Its fine to want what you want or do what you want as long as you aren't forcing people to dress in attire they aren't going to be comfortable in. Don't force men/little boys into dresses or force women to wear tux's - I mean if they are okay with it then fine but again don't force people. But other than that there are no rules for who walks down the aisle when or who give who away - I mean its becoming common now where women don't take the man's last name or men take the woman's last name - or couples make their own last name! Moral of the story. do what you want its your wedding - if people don't like it they don't have to come but don't force people to wear something that will potentially make them uncomfortable

View Quoted Comment This. You can absolutely choose what you want for your wedding, but forcing anyone in any wedding to wear attire that they aren’t comfortable with isn’t ok.

You can do what you want, and you also don't need to change the names/titles - a bride is a bride and a groom is a groom.

But I agree with others that you cannot, and should not, force your wedding party to wear clothing they are not comfortable with.

If you want true gender nonconformance, then you let each person wear what they are comfortable with and stand on whatever side they feel they belong - perhaps you have bridesmen and groomsmaids, some in suits and some in dresses.

Nonconformance means not conforming - if you force all the males to wear dresses, you are forcing them to conform, even if it conforming opposite of the norm.

I would just make sure that every single person who participates (so wears what you ask them to wear) is 100% on board...

I agree with others that while this plan as an idea has nothing wrong with it at all, it is important to make sure that anyone you will be including is comfortable. In the same way that there are women who prefer to wear suits while in weddings and couples should respect that, your friends and family who will be in those positions need to be comfortable with wearing what you're asking of them. While it may be more common for the women to be alright with wearing tuxes, if the men you are asking are not comfortable in a dress, then that can't be an issue. It doesn't mean they don't support you or others wearing one, they just don't want to.

Eniale is right that the words don't need to change...I have no idea where you got the word "gride" from.

Aside from that...

For all the hoopla about treating your loved ones like props, this is probably the most extreme example of this that I have ever heard of. I don't know of a single male in my life who would be comfortable standing up in a wedding where he had to wear a dress. I would be okay in a women's suit, but I would be very uncomfortable being in this wedding.

That said, there are some communities where you could probably pull this off today. Not in any kind of mainstream culture though.

Can I ask, what's the attraction? It reads like you're trying to make a point.

View Quoted Comment This comment prompted me to look at the OP's profile and I saw they are not even engaged yet. So this whole idea comes off as a fantasy, like a show they want to put on, rather than something meaningful to them and their partner.

Like others have mentioned, I think you'd have to actually talk to the individuals involved in the wedding. Most men I know at least wouldn't be comfortable wearing a dress especially at an event where they would have to stand up in front of a bunch of people (including people they might not know) and have their pictures taken. I also don't know many women who would want to wear a vest or tie to a wedding. I know I wouldn't be comfortable wearing a tux/suit if that meant I had to wear a vest and tie. If I had to wear a tux/suit I would want it to be very feminine.

View Quoted Comment

The attraction is well, basically my perfect other, significant other is basically the opposite of me, unlike in today's mainstream culture where girls are accepted to do masculine things, while men who do feminine things are usually frowned, ridiculed, beaten to 'death' in most cases especially here in the southern of the us of a. Imagine a backwoods community and you'd get my drift. Anyway off topic. basically, I imagine the genetic aspects below the belt stay the same, on the outfit changes as basically what if my significant other wanted to wear a tux as well to get married in, but have short hair, it would look like two guys getting married, so I see myself as a feminine man basically, (can't express myself though I want to.) and more or less, the appeal, is to make sure people think when they get married it's still a straight couple, even if the so called bride is dressing in a tux and the groom is wearing the wedding dress, yes homosexual marriages are allowed, but in backwoods communities it is frowned upon, and I believe, in the case of my family basically if allowed to attend the wedding of a couple like butch woman and feminine man they would either not show up not leave gifts even if they were invited or b. they would kill the couple at their own wedding.

While most girls seem themselves walking down the aisle wearing a wedding dress/pantsuit/tux depending on their preference, this is basically planning far-far-far ahead of time, my significant other, a female,wouldn't see herself doing that normal bride to be stuff in other words the female's family would be upset that she wasn't into the normal bride-to-be stuff, and therefore in order to make both sides happy it would be changed mostly if only the bride and the groom had to change roles with the others being normalized, would be fine. However it's the appeal, it's the uniqueness of the wedding, if you have a complete gender role reversal wedding, including the outfits. yes, in case the bride is traditional wanting to wear the dress only for the wedding then perhaps it would be a different story, however I don't see who I end up with will be like that. As basically a butch woman sometimes is a lesbian, sometimes straight, sometimes bisexual, not that I have a problem with the other sexual orientations of course, it's just i want to prevent death, or tension in terms of what is supposed to be a romantic evening for the bride and groom and all. Especially my own wedding. Most of the butch woman who are straight never see themselves walking down the aisle in a dress, they envision themselves standing at the alter waiting for the husband to walk down in the aisle in the dress. not all of them mind you do this, but i believe the majority of the butch woman would want this time of wedding, if they happen to be straight, and they would want a feminine man as well, too. The feminine man never sees themselves standing at the altar, they see themselves walking down the aisle to their butch masculine female groom so to speak, they would never speak the truth of the matter so it's usually left to the backburner of a pipe dream, and why bother doing this when you're 50 as both of the couples would look old and ridiculous unless you are newly young couple and all. Why do you think most couples end in divorces when forced to be a certain way.

I hope i got the appeal down, if not, then it's hard to explain the appeal to some people, but at least I tried.

View Quoted Comment

There's nothing wrong with your attraction to any of this, the only problem would stem from requiring others to be uncomfortable to fit your vision. If you and your future partner are on the same page as far as wearing what you've envisioned then you two can definitely do it while either having a bridal party wearing what they are comfortable with or not having a bridal party at all.

i do think though, that by wanting to do this as a way to trick your family, you are considering this wedding to be more of a performance or "gotcha" moment, which isn't the best way to view a wedding in general. Could you possibly find a way to distance yourself from these people who don't accept you and find others who will to surround yourself with?

There are lots of weddings where men wear dresses and women wear tuxes
If your party is ok with wearing those clothes, then of course you can have the wedding of your dreams.
For the kids - I personally would not ask a child to wear clothing that is not their norm. I have a few gender non conforming friends, but they don’t dress specifically gender swapped, per se.

View Quoted Comment

Okay, there is a lot going on here but here is what I will say.

1. If your family is not okay with the bride wearing a tux/suit, you are not going to "make both sides happy" by her wearing a suit and you wearing a dress. They would probably be even more upset about that. So do not try to do this with the intent of making your family happy.

2. You are making a LOT of assumptions here about what your future wife will want:

"Most of the butch woman who are straight never see themselves walking down the aisle in a dress, they envision themselves standing at the alter waiting for the husband to walk down in the aisle in the dress. not all of them mind you do this, but i believe the majority of the butch woman would want this time of wedding, if they happen to be straight, and they would want a feminine man as well, too"

I don't know that I have ever met a straight woman who identifies as butch, but even so, I think it is a big stretch to assume that most of those women would envision the man walking down the aisle to them, let alone the tux, the demeanor of the man, etc. That just seems like a massive reach to assume that. There are plenty of women who don't consider themselves "girly" or "feminine" who still want to wear a dress and walk down the aisle to their partner.

Given that it sounds like you aren't in a relationship at this point, you are also placing a lot of unorthodox expectations on a woman it sounds like you haven't even met yet (including apparently that her parents don't approve!). Weddings are about the couple...both people. Don't borrow trouble.

View Quoted Comment This was very long and didn't make a lot of sense... I think what you're saying is that you want to dress feminine at your wedding, but you don't want your conservative family to think you're gay, so you want everyone else to dress in opposite clothing too or else your relatives will literally kill you? If you're seriously so worried about your safety at your wedding, you should not be in touch with those people nor invite them to your wedding at all. And you definitely don't need to make your wedding party play along.


Regardless, you are currently single. This wedding would be years from now, to someone you haven't even met yet. What if you meet the woman of your dreams but she doesn't agree to this wedding? If you want to wear a gown, that's your right. Yet you're insisting *everyone* must have exactly these outfits. That's a very specific fantasy that will almost certainly never happen because most people will refuse to do it (unless you specifically hire a team of drag performers).

I personally would drop out of a wedding that wanted me to wear a tux (unless it was a more feminine one). I would still support the couple and their marriage but, I would not be comfortable wearing that. I actually see this as you wanting to force others to follow your desire for opposite gender roles rather than being non-comforming (Which would be anyone wears what they are comfortable in regardless of gender).

There's no need for special words or being so stubborn that you claim they have to do this. This is over the top and turning your wedding into a gotcha performance for your family and the family of your (my guess nonexistent at the moment) future wife. You can do what you want but turning your loved ones into props is not okay.

Sounds like a movie…

“why bother doing this when you're 50 as both of the couples would look old and ridiculous”

If you want people to accept your ideas don’t make judgements about others. A lot of people get married after 30. Love is love no matter who you pick or how old you are. Your statement is rude and mean.

All of this sounds completely hypothetical at this point. People do get married at 50. I agree with the others, everyone would have to feel comfortable with this plan, in my opinion.

I wanted to do this style of wedding, but my wife wanted nothing to do with it. I always like wearing dresses and stuff. So this kind of wedding would have been fun for a crossdresser.


We got married in August 2008, so this kind of wedding most likely wouldn't have happened anyways.

So we settled on 1960s Hippie 1970s Disco mixed theme wedding. Disco ball, bell bottoms, roller skates and more
No one was dressed formally, basically it was a big party, only bad thing the DJ Equipment was failing. So someone ran home and brought back a bunch of records and a record player. Then it really felt like the old days then