Spinoff of Ob/GYN post...advice for virgin brides!

@Elizabeth. 2nd Bella and others about "practicing" going down on him. I am 100% against back door action personally, and remember it's your sex life so you are in charge - you can say no until you are ready to explore.

LOL @Ana about the back door. FH is NOT interested in that and neither am I, so it wasn't an issue. But if anyone were to try to convince me to try it that is exactly what I would say to them to get them to back off.

Just going to throw my experience into the mix....everyone's bodies are SO different, and it sounds like a lot of women don't experience an overload of pain/discomfort their first time....I waited until my wedding night and I was surprised. For me, and how my body is built, it hurt an incredible amount. I knew there was going to be some pain and discomfort, but I was unprepared for the possibility of how much pain. Like I said, everyone is different, and I'm not saying this to scare anyone in any way. It took about a week of trying and a lot of alcohol before my hymen broke...If I had any idea, I would probably have had my gyno take care of it beforehand. Just throwing it out there since I would have liked to have been forewarned. My group of friends is a little prissy and we don't get too intimate, and no one had ever said anything about sex, and maybe they all had no trouble at all... Just to say, this in no way ruined our wedding night or the specialness of it...

Go pee afterward. UTI's are the worst.

We just started during FH"s last visit, I guess I'm a late bloomer in that sense lol. But I just gotta say please dont' be overly worried about it hurting, that was what I was worried about before..but most women on WW seem to be at least of the age that your hymen is stretched out by now (sorry to get technical) on its own; just years of walking around, exercising whatever..if you are too much in your head about things your muscles may clench making it painful when it doesn't have to be, but just take a deep breath and relax..a glass of wine or two also may help relax :-)

Yeah, don't worry about it hurting...most people don't seem to have a problem...but I was 32, and ouch.....I think I must be an odd one out...I wasn't worried at all, just surprised...I thought something might be wrong and called the Dr. the next day just to make sure...ha. I guess I just would have liked to know it was a possibility, but again, no stressing needed...

Ahh good post.....so far a lot has been mentioned.Ill just add a bit

1) Buy two different kinds of lube for the honeymoon. I had on hand the typical KY jelly and atroglide. I was very glad I had both cause I tried the KY jelly once (the commone one you always here of) and didnt like how it felt or how sticky it was (TMI-oops!), so I was really glad to have another option available.

2)as odd as it may seem, buy a book about sex (and if the reason your a virgin is cause of christian beliefs-there are a lots of good christian books about sex out there). this may sound weird, but hubbys uncle actually gave us a book called Intended for Pleasure and after coming home fromt he honeymoon, my fh actually picked it up and read it and there were some really good things that helped alot

3)use lube always in the beginning-even if you think you are warmed up a lot-its much easier to just take 10 sec. to use some rather than realizing halfway through you really arent warmed up

4) dont be afraid to insist on using lube-even if it means taking a 60 sec break and figuring out where on earth you put it last time. Your hubby might think, oh shes ready-no big deal, he doesnt understand whats going on down there. its perfectly ok to tell him you need to stop to find the lube

as for it hurting-I know it hurt me and not just the first time or two or until the hymen broke. but, it wasnt terrible pain, more like just uncomfortable and it does get better

@Thumbelina, ya good point, I should have mentioned that it is possible for it to hurt and I don't have stats on that or anything so I could have been misleading!

Oh wow ladies lots of advice! And my guy is a virgin too so I am afraid he is going to be a bit overeager like one girl has already mentioned. Thanks for the tips so far!

Always remember it's perfectly ok to stop once you've started if you feel like you need to ... Some guys will cry blue balls but if there is something that hurt... if he gets too rough or you just aren't feeling it you have every right to say something ... Some guys get a bit carried away and it can get a bit intense but if at any time you need a break SPEAK UP!!

If you want to feel confident, take charge. you dont have to jump him, but in foreplay, be as giving as he is and touch him as much as he touches you.

dont be afraid of the pain. yes, it will probably hurt, but if it does, once that thin layer of tissue is broken, the pain lasts maybe a second, and then it feels goood. (when people say the first time hurts, they dont mean the whole time)

Also, like other girls said, speak your mind. if something hurts, gently ask him to do something else. if something feels good, say so. this will only help in the future to make things even better. hes not gonna know exactly what to do to drive you crazy if hes never touched you before, and hes not gonna get it right without some direction from you. which you can learn together! (and dont pay attention to movies and romance novels.) in most cases you do not have an orgasm every single time, so dont get upset if you dont have one. if your wondering afterwards if you did or not, that means you didnt! lol but that justleaves something to look forward to!

I didn't have sex until I was 23 and it still hurt a lot. Like a lot of the other ladies have said, make sure he knows to go slow and don't be afraid to tell him to stop. Heck, when I don't have sex with FH in while, it still hurts! Sometimes I just tell him to stop, not pull out, just stop to let my body get used to the feeling of having him inside of me.

And don't worry if you start crying. I did.

And in terms of oral sex, I love going down on him, but I can't stand finishing him. I just hate the taste of it, the feeling in my mouth. It really just grosses me out. So, I start with my mouth and then hop on to finish him off.

And lastly, in regards to various positions, start off slow! One, maybe two positions your first time around is good to get a feel for it, but my second time I had sex, the guy was flipping me over every five seconds and I got really freaked out and upset! Take it slow. Get used to the feeling of sex. There's plenty of time to make it exciting later.

I know I'm coming into this a tad late.

For the virgins:

-Don't be so focused on how bad it's going to hurt. It doesn't hurt at all for some women (like me) but for others it hurts so bad they have to stop.

- Don't be afraid to tell him that something hurts or doesn't feel good. If you fake it he's gonna think you like it and he'll continue doing it.

- Tell him before you have sex what you think you'll be comfortable with and what you don't think you'll be comfortable with.

About Oral:

This may be TMI but my DH was the first guy I'd ever given oral to. I had sex before I met him and had done other things but he was the first for oral. I had no clue what I was doing. He didn't mind me taking my time and learning with him. He told me later that it was the best he'd had. I don't mind it but I don't like finishing him that way the taste is just gross. So I'll jump on him or let him finish elsewhere. If you don't like the taste of his penis either take a shower (cont)

(cont) first or use flavored condoms or flavored lube.

For Elizabeth (I think)- Don't do something you're not comfortable with. And don't think you have to do everything in one night. If you're scared of giving him oral talk to him about it and let him know what you're thinking. Don't try it till you know you're comfortable with it cause he'll know you're not into it and he won't enjoy it. That's a bad situation for everyone.

For the ones who have had sex with their FH and wanna make it special-

Lingerie and different positions. You could get a book of sex positions and try out a few. It'll be a little more special anyway just cause it will be your first time having sex while being married.

@Ana, that's some great advice about never faking an orgasm. I started doing this in a serious relationship (to get it over with quicker when I wasn't in the mood and just letting him do his thing lol) but ended up having to fake it the rest of the relationship. It really sucked.

I have a suggestion that is yucky to think about: "freshen up" before hand. Toilet paper can stick to you and be embarrassing for you and a turn off for your guy. (I never knew about this til a friend married an OBGYN) We keep baby wipes near the toilet to stay fresh and clean (non scented are best).

@Bella...I'm wondering if we are twins separated at birth...how old are you again? LOL!!! JK!!

Lube, lube, lube! Some people dont think it is necessary....it is! Astroglide is glycerin free and great if you are sensitive!!

Im really curious to hear more tips about oral. Im always worried Im not doing it right...I watched movies..ive done it and FH says it feels good...but I feel like my teeth are scraping...he says it does not...i dont know...liked the tip about "licking like an ice cream" any others?

Good post!

Also, a question about FH giving me oral...I will shower and shower and shower and still not be comfortable. How can I relax...I dont think he likes doing it because he does not "try" to do it often. Perhaps its because he knows im uncomfortable...anyone else with these issues?

Okay, so I wasn't going to say anything since it has been (wow) 20 yrs since I lost my virginity.. but I finally had to speak up. It can hurt A LOT. Don't be afraid to tell him to slow down and wait. And you can bleed more than a little, you CAN bleed A LOT.

However, your first time will be with someone you love and married and who cares and loves you. So let them know.

(Yes, I am still bitter 20 yrs later about my horrible first experience).