Spinoff - "spanking" post

Hahahahha! I dont have kids yet...but I wont be shocked if I spank them when I do. Heck, I would be shocked if I dont!

Or maybe we could just drop the whole thing and think of a more upbeat discussion to talk about? It seems equally judgemental to assume someone without kids does not have enough experience with children to have a valid or important point of view.

No kids ...yet, but I do believe in spanking. I was spanked but only if I disobey after being told differently and it was only a couple of times that it happened. And I would do this also.

I feared my dad, not scared of his all the time fear, but fear that I KNEW that I had to respect him and he was the parent I was the child. I see today kids walk all over the parents and talk to them in a manner that if I ever even thought of it I would have been punished. To me spanking (in the way I describe) is not bad and it's not child abuse. this is just my personal opinion.

I have a child, I do not believe in spanking.

She is well adjusted and well behaved.

Seriously, if I tried to spank Charlotte, she'd probably laugh at me. I could never bring myself to do it hard enough to hurt her. She is such a social person - a time out in her room is the worst punishment she can imagine!

I don't really care how anyone punishes or disciplines their child(ren). I'm busy enough. It was mostly just an observation as I read down through the responses in the other post.

carry on.

I don't necessarily reward my kids - you don't get a reward for doing what is EXPECTED of you. Your job is to learn how to fit into society and be a positive contributor.

You don't do what's right or what you should in order to get something. You do it because it's EXPECTED of you.

I praise my kids with words. "I'm proud of you." "You're a nice person". "I like that you included so-and-so in your game." That's more meaningful than "things" even if they don't realize it yet.

No i dont have kid's. and yes i believe in spanking!

I have three (one is deceased) I do not believe in spanking, and my oldest is 6 so I know well what toddler/preschool behavior can be like.

I am a mother of 3 boys they've given me grey hairs, migraines, and somedays could be the poster children for birth control. I do not hit my kids. I do take video games I do ground them and I have put them to bed at 5:00 for not doing what they should ( btw kids hate early bedtimes lol ) I agree do not judge the mom in the grocery store when she looks a mess tired and is about to choke someone. You have no clue what her day was like. My middle son has ADHD and Tourette's ( Motor not vocal ) some days are great others aren't. Some people want you to quiet your screaming kid in a store sometimes you can't and ignoring them is the only thing you can do. I'm sure people can't stand hearing for 10 minutes imagine how we feel listening to it for 10 hours. ( I should mention my son is past that stage but I remember it well )

I have kids...and i don't believe in spankings. i used to. i was spanked growing up and therefore it seemed like the thing to do. but once i started to pay more attention to my kids and how it affected them....and how i could better get through to them without causing so much anger and pain..then i went another route. the first step was to make a promise to never hit them while i was emotional. that made it so much easier for me not to respond in that way.

i still threaten them with violence but i'm trying to stop that too. i don't think my parents were abusive. i just think they didn't know any better. i want to create happy memories for my kids. i love my babies.

No kids (unless you count dogs, lol) - but we both believe in spanking. The thing is, for spanking to be effective, we both believe that it cannot be excessive and it cannot be for every little thing under the sun. I was rarely spanked when I was kid - neither was FH. This was not because we did not act up, but rather because our parents saved it for BIG things. Once we had committed that grave offense and we got a spanking, both of our sets of parents could pretty much just threaten a spanking and we changed our behavior. I've always said that the true effective part of spanking is the waiting period - not the actual spanking. "You just wait until your Dad gets home!!!" lol

There are 100s of reasons why spanking doesn't work and is harmful for the child and the child's relationship with it's parents.

Having children or not having them doesn't change those reasons. It just changes your level of patience and tolerance and your likelihood to act out of anger and frustration. That doesn't make it right.

Interesting topic @Paris, I've never thought of this!

I don't know, I was spanked as a child, not often, but when I deserved it. But seeing how some of my friends are raising their children with lots of patience and understanding, the other method works just as well. I really don't know, I guess it will depend on the situation. Than again, I've been a dog mom for over 3 years now and no matter how angry my furbabies have made me, I've never felt the need to "spank" them in anyway. Their punishment is a time-out.

Sigh....well...I became the only mother to a 6 YO girl once FH and I started dating. Let me tell you...I was a nanny for years and in the childcare industry before that. It is a whole different ballgame when you are the parent. That being said, I'm STILL trying to figure out how to mother her, and she's nearly 9 now! She's had a difficult path...and we have tried everything under the sun...praising, natural consequences, taking away privileges, adding extra chores, essays/writing. What do you do when your child is completely apathetic? It's tough. She responds well to praise, but I agree with Paris, that being praised for things that she SHOULD do is not the best solution either. We try to remind her that her choices are HERS...she can't blame anyone else for them; whether good or bad. "Make good choices" feels like our mantra...lol...

I'm due in August, I don't plan on spanking. That said it doesn't mean I wont, I just think like all other punishment if you do it a lot it loses meaning.

I grew up with the threat of being spanked, it might have happened 5 times ever, but the threat of it looming kept me in check.

I have been pinterest'ing ways to disiplin your children and hope to use other ways, but I think its redic that this is so frowned upon now. Kids are getting worse, why? cause they can do anything they want without consequence. I'm not avocating beating your children but I really don't think a spanking a year ever killed anyone.

And I know for a fact my bff has spanked her kids, and probably suffered more pain in doing so than they did.

I have a two year old. She did something once that I spanked her for, I can't even remember what now... I didn't even do it hard (I mean, she's 2), but all I can remember is the horrible look she gave me. She looked at me like I had just done the most awful thing, and she was so upset, it CRUSHED me.

As someone who practices Buddhism, I have been reading this book "The Complete Buddhism for Mothers" and working on becoming a calm and mindful parent, and it helps SO much. I have developed my communication skills with her to where I feel I don't need to spank her- she responds to me and if she doesn't, I remove her from the situation.

My husband on the other hand, believes more in spanking and thinks my "hippie shit" (a term he uses in a joking manner) will not be as effective as she gets older. We'll see. He knows not to spank her in front of me though, because I can't resist comforting her when she runs to my arms.

Also, I should add that spanking does NOT work for my daughter. When I thought about "what am I trying to achieve here?" the answer was never "I want her to cry more and really not listen to me because she's so upset that I spanked her, and then do what I want because she doesn't want to be hit again". Because, that's exactly what I don't want, and it's exactly what happens. When she is throwing a fit, I sit her down, or hold her and make her look me in the eyes and I talk in a quiet voice until she stops crying because she wants to hear me. Then I explain myself to her, or reason with her, or whatever, and I always get the result I want and she goes back to being her happy self very shortly after.

I don't have children, but I definitely think spanking is a good form of discipline for kids up to about the age of 12. It's immediate, concrete and gets the point across. I didn't have to get spanked much as a kid because I learned quickly that if I behaved myself, I wouldn't get in trouble. Simple as that. Besides, my mother always forgot when she grounded me, so that wasn't nearly as effective.

I have two grown children. I never spanked either of them. They are both wonderful kids--one works for NSA, and the other is a midwife. I just had too many horrible memories of spankings from my own childhood to ever do it to my own kids.