Spinoff - "spanking" post

I disagree with the premise that the opinions of those who don't have kids aren't valid. I don't have a dog either, but I know that hitting one with a stick isn't the best way to teach it. As I stated on the other forum, the research is so abundant and clear on the effects of spanking. And spanking is simply not necessary. People make their choices. It's just sad that many make uneducated choices based only on generations of poor parenting decisions before them. Parenting is hard. If people aren't willing to take the time, effort, and energy necessary to learn how to do it effectively without resorting to physical assault, perhaps they should rethink the job.

Also should reiterate that punishment does not equal discipline, which seems to be a very common misconception. Discipline is composed of three unequal parts: positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, and punishment. And there are tons of variations on each that do not involve physical assault. With all of those options available, it makes zero sense for anyone who knows better to resort to spanking. Nothing drives me more crazy than people who say that they spank to discipline their child. No, they spank to punish their child. Usually because they've never been taught a better way to teach, which is what the word "discipline" means.

I don't have children biologically but when I marry my FH I will be the mother if his two little girls...I come from a family who firmly believes in spanking...I was spanked and I believe it has strengthened my character as a woman...I obey all laws...etc.

I do believe in spanking however that will not be my only form of discipline I will use grounding, time outs, and verbal discipline. My parents did the same too me because not all behaviors require the same punishments.

I don't think the intent was to invalidate the opinions of those who don't have children... I think the question was asked to see if there was a trend towards a difference of opinion between parents and non-parents.

I think physical discipline is most effective for younger kids who haven't yet developed the cognitive ability to reason abstractly. For example, if a 3 year old tries to put their fingers in an electrical outlet, it's going to be more useful to smack their fingers (not excessively, of course) than to sit them down and talk to them about why that's a dangerous thing to do. Young children simply don't have the capacity to 1)see things from other people's point of view, and 2) relate abstract words that their caregivers are saying to that action they did 20 minutes ago that they shouldn't have done.

Now, once a kid hits about 7-9 years old, you can start working in groundings and discussions about how they need to change their behavior.

Maaaaaannn, let me tell you....these terrible twos will test your patience!!

If 2 is bad, expect 3 to be worse.

If 2 wasn't so bad, 3 probably won't be either.

(I've had one of each, O.M.G.)

Nobody ever said anything about hitting your kids with a stick.... This is about spanking. Spanking is suppose to just be a light to medium tap on the butt. It doesn't harm a child, it just hurts their feelings. Spanking will be a very last resort for me.

I have one child(had 2 stepchildren on top of him). I, my ex, and my stepkids moms, all believe in a warranted spanking/swatting.

As for the public spanking, when I mentioned that, it caused a verbal altercation between the mom and myself. IDGAF WHO you think you are, you don't reach behind you, and backhand a child in the mouth, knock him down(especially when you can see a pull up hanging out of his waist band), and holler "that's just for making me look stupid, wait til we get in the car". IDC how he's been acting all day, or 5 minutes, or his entire life. That to me, is called a "p*ssy shot", no matter the age. If you're grown and do it, same difference. When it comes to kids, you just don't do that!!! And I told her that. I also told her, if I saw her do it again, I'd be waiting next to her car, and just lay her a$$ on the ground with one shot, no warning. JUST like she did to that baby.

And saying the best parents, are the ones who don't have kids? I actually agree. cont'd

Cont'd

Know why? Take one look at our foster care/CPS system. Those children/teens didn't end up there b/c they have awesome parents who fed/clothed/bathed/housed them. Most are loved, but some are just abandoned. People I know without kids, either just avoid them, bc they don't know how to act, or they handle my son much better than I do. BC they aren't used to the various behavious, and since they aren't familiar with kids, they treat the kid like an adult, with short patience, and not only do they expect an instant result, they often get it.

I have two boys (6 and 9) and a masters in marriage and family therapy and I am a firm believer in NOT spanking. It takes a lot more patience, no doubt, but I think it's worth it to raise boys/men who will know that hitting is not the way to get their point across.

That ^^^...I don't CALL my kid an asshole, but there's been a handful of times, where I catch myself telling him, "stop being an ass". and he quits.

I do not have children yet but i do have two children who i am very close to. I do believe in spanking, because ive seen with my own eyes that timeouts and grounding does NOT work for a rebellious four year old. I also believe that after you spank them, you should hug them and explain to them why they were spanked, and let them you know you love them. Sometimes its the only thing that works. Praise should be given, but not excessively. Praise them when they accomplish something theyve been trying to do, like tie their shoe/read a book/use the potty/finish a tough project/finish a five page essay. I dont believe praise should be given for everyday things tho, like dont praise them for doing the chores you told them to do, and that they do every day. Dont praise them for picking up half of their toys, then turn around and scream at them for not picking up the other half. Use common sense and think about how you wouldve taken the comment when YOU were a child. Its not rocket science.

Didn't chime in on the other post, but I definitely spank when needed. I also use other forms of punishment. I like to think my kids and I have an understanding

Your basic job is to teach that child right from wrong. Allowing your four year old children to tell you to f*ck off is NOT doing that job. Allowing your five year old to smack you in the face when he doesnt get his way is not doing that job. Hearing your child call someone a bitch, then taking them aside and explaining why its wrong and then swatting them for it, and telling them what will happen if they do it again, is the proper way to do that job. Its not beating, its not abuse, its parenting. Whether you do it by praise and explanations and timeouts, or whether you do it by spankings and groundings and yelling, as long as the point gets across that their actions were wrong and are not to be repeated, your job has been done for that particular situation.

My parents are caring, generous, old school and I love them more than anything in the world. With that said, I had the fear of dad instilled in me at an early age. I didn't get the belt much, but can still recall my dad's angry face and the crack sound when he folded the belt and snapped it. I turned out just fine and believe a good spanking is necessary sometimes.

These days though, I see more deadbeat parents who deserve a spanking more than the child.

I was clear on my position in the other post...anyways, the inherent assumption in this spinoff is that if you have a kid suddenly all your previous parenting ideas go out the window. Me? no kids, and I know I will not spank them if I ever do have them..I am SO thankful that I know that for a fact. Of course no child comes with a handbook and different tactics work for different kids; to assume otherwise would be asinine. In that same vein, you can't really predict if your young child will learn from spanking or not..they may turn out fine, but for every fine kid there is going to be an adult that resents their parents for being spanked..As a future parent I would NOT risk that.

(cont).

But I feel like the argument that you don't know jack if you don't have a kid (not necessarily saying the OP feels that way) but it's like saying a substance abuse counselor can't help an addict in any way if they've never had an addiction; a psychologist can't help someone with hallucinations if they've never had one; a nurse or doctor can't help someone with cancer if they've never had it. Of course they can. The list goes on. :end scene:

No kids yet.

I do believe in spanking. I was & turned out great so it must be okay.

It can be taken too far though.

For the record, those who are talking about "spanking" with a belt or other object, sorry, but that's not spanking. That's poor and abusive parenting. Period. So incredibly sad that so many people refuse to evolve and would rather adhere to the delusional "I turned out fine" excuse. Anecdotes never make good reasons for anything.