This is our first holiday season as a married couple and we are beyond excited! H and I have lived together for a little over two years now and at that point, we came up with a good way to split our time on Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day. We decided to alternate by odd numbered vs even numbered years. So in 2017, we went to my mom’s first and went to his family after for Thanksgiving. Neither of us are as close to our dad’s sides so we save them for Christmas Eve, splitting our time and alternating that as well according to year. For Christmas Day in 2017, we went to his mom’s side first and then my mom’s side after. In 2018, we alternated where we did his family first and then my second and vice versa. Our families live about 30 minutes apart and we are in the middle so although it is hectic, it is all manageable.
My main issue is with my MIL. No matter what we decide to do, she is extremely vocal about not being pleased. We have offered to change this year to eat with her on Thanksgiving and she simply complained that she wouldn’t see us until late on Christmas. So we continued on our routine, which we think is extremely fair by the way. My biggest complaint about her is that she constantly texts or calls my husband asking when we will be arriving to her house.... My family is the “chew and screw” type. We eat early and leave early. This year we started eating lunch on Thanksgiving at 12:30. At 1:15, she was already harassing him. She texted him three times and called him once and because of that, he wanted to leave early to make her happy. This has happened every single holiday but when we go to leave her family, she complains we haven’t stayed long enough and keeps the conversation going to try to keep us longer. This is incredibly frustrating to me because my mom doesn’t behave this way and understands that I have another place to be. I feel like my MIL doesn’t care if I spend time with my family despite knowing how close I am to my own mom.
H and I have discussed this and he acknowledges that it is a problem but we honestly don’t know what to do. I think it’s best if he talks to her first but I’m not sure if that will change anything. Part of me wants to be involved in the conversation but at the same time, I don’t want her resenting me for “going against her”. What should we do?
My question is, how do you handle the holidays now that you’re married? If you have a monster in law, how do you deal with her during this season?
TIA
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