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I think before you worry about wedding planning I think you need to consider if this is how he will be with everything. Is he always so controlling? If the answer is yes, then to me that's a huge red flag. I would worry, he will expect that he's the only one that will have a say in what happens once you get married from where you live, if and how many children you have, their names, etc.

If this does happen to be the only thing he's been controlling, which unfortunately I doubt that, but I think you would then need to get to the bottom of why he is being so controlling all of a sudden.

……only the cake?!?! Girl, that is ridiculous it’s absolutely your day too and you should have WAY more of a say in things! In all honesty I do agree with Veronica, is he always this controlling or is this a new development?

He's like that and does everything himself instead of letting anyone help very much. He says this way he knows it's done right. I've been talking to him about trusting me and hire someone else to do things because I know he is tired and we both need to trust more I think.

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Oh boy. This is something that you might want to work out in a counselling setting. This is concerning, and not because of the wedding planning.

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We're both pastors and counselors so we feel confident we can do this together. If we ever think otherwise we will go to someone we trust. I don't know why he works so hard outside of love for everyone and wanting to make everything right. I think it's less of a control issue more of love. Things he loves also work and play. I wouldn't try to read too much into it we love each other and are happy together all this time. Even though people say men change after the wedding they're no longer on their best behavior he hasn't ever let me believe he's like that.

Hi Patricia


Congratulations on your engagement. My encouragement on the wedding planning would be to have a conversation. It starts with "Honey, I love you. This is OUR wedding. I want to actively plan as much as you do. Let's divy up the tasks"
Just a thought. Let us know how it goes.

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Actually how partners are in the wedding planning process shows who they really are. A wedding "done right" means respecting each other as equals as you take that journey to the altar.

My advice to you. Give him room to imagine his vision. Make him a wedding vision board and let him fill it up. Don't put any early deposits or anything, but let him explore his excitement. Who says only women are excited about their own wedding. Now, when it comes time to make decisions, be sure he knows you both have to agree. Both of you have to be open to negotiate and compromise. If not. How are you gonna be married.

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This is great advice. Thanks everyone and I know he will love a vision board and I'm going to enjoy the journey with him every step of the way. Thanks again.