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Savvy May 2022

Staying apart on for the night before the wedding?

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Tiffany, on July 24, 2021 at 3:55 PM

Posted in Planning 215

Hi everyone! Wondering what everyone is doing the night before the wedding? My fiancé and I have been together 9 years (it will be 10 years before the wedding) and we’re trying to figure out what we should do the night before the wedding! Our wedding is semi-destination. It’s about an hour from our house and the rehearsal is taking place within the hotel, the night before, so we will already be there. We want to stay together the night before however I worry that we will regret it and wish we stuck to “tradition.” If we stay apart, this will also double our hotel expense which isn’t a huge deal, but worth noting...

What’s everyone else doing?! Also, if we stay together, he will be leaving the room bright and early and we won’t be seeing each other until our first looks later in the day.
Thanks!

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215 Comments

Expert September 2022
EGD · on July 26, 2021 at 3:00 PM
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We're staying a part. I'm planning on getting a suite at the hotel where we will have our hotel block the night before and will also be the room we stay in night of the wedding, I know for sure one of my bridesmaids will be staying with me (I can't sleep in a bed alone so I 100% need someone will me) and all of my other bridesmaids are welcome to spend the night or meet us at the room in the morning for getting ready.
We haven't decided what him and his groomsmen will do, they'll either get a room at the same hotel, stay at our house or stay at his parents house since their house is closer to the venue than where we live.
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Just Said Yes August 2021
Taylor Miller · on July 26, 2021 at 5:31 PM
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We are staying a part. I’ll be with the bridesmaids and he will be with the groomsmen. We’ve never lived with one another or slept in same bed. So our first night living and sleeping with one another will be our wedding night. This will make for a whole new and cherished experience. We’ve reserved this moment for what will make 4 years on our wedding day.
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Master May 2020
Kari · on July 26, 2021 at 7:20 PM
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Staying apart before the wedding is such an outdated tradition. It makes a lot of sense if you don't live with your fiance or are "saving yourself" for marriage, but the majority of couples co-habitate before marriage these days, so staying apart before the wedding night serves no real purpose. My husband and I had lived together for 4 years prior to our wedding and neither of us sleep particularly well without the other, so we never even considered it.
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Savvy September 2021
Marie · on July 26, 2021 at 7:41 PM
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We're staying apart, it wasn't something I really thought about before this thread. We talked about it and think it is a fun idea. We're not superstitious. But I also like the idea of having a king size hotel bed to myself lol.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on July 27, 2021 at 7:46 AM
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We already lived together, had a small destination wedding and stayed together the night before. There was so much stress the weeks before and when we finally arrived at our hotel, it was nice to settle in together after meeting our guests for a welcome dinner. Plus, we worked on our wedding speech. We had to get up early on our wedding day so it was nice to have breakfast together before all the chaos started.
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Super July 2023
Eniale · on July 27, 2021 at 10:31 AM
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We had been together for 5 years when we got married, and we stayed apart the night before.
But it wasn't because of tradition.
1. We got married on a weekday, and he had class the morning of the wedding. I won't dust off my rage that his professor wouldn't let him take the exam at another time so he wouldn't be taking a test the morning of his wedding....
2. I wanted to be near the venue. Our venue was 45 minutes from home, and I just really didn't want to deal with driving over that day.
That said, we did have a moment because of this. Our rehearsal dinner was the night before, and as everyone was leaving, he pulled me aside, looked into my eyes and said "this is the last time I'll see you before we get married tomorrow." I still remember how that made my heart flutter.
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VIP October 2022
Samantha · on July 27, 2021 at 11:05 AM
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So we are probably be going to stay together which for us is unusual - we actually live in two separate apartments, across the hall (the only two in the building so it’s free flowing between LOL) but I know that there will be people staying over so I’ll make my room a guest room and invade his room.
But I’ll be getting dressed and makeup up, etc at the venue so he won’t see anything.
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Savvy June 2021
Lauren · on July 27, 2021 at 11:41 AM
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We just got married in FL in June (destination for us) and I could've stayed with family but we just spent the night together. I woke up at 4am and couldn't go back to sleep so around 530 I just got up and walked the beach and took some time to myself to soak it all in. I brought us back some coffees, we relaxed a bit then I said bye until the altar at 10am. It was perfect and I didn't feel like we ruined anything at all.
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Savvy May 2022
Maria · on July 27, 2021 at 12:45 PM
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We are staying together the night before. Honestly, it is just another expense we don't need to have another hotel room. We've been together for 10 years and living together for 5.
Plus, I want to give him a reminder that he's marrying EVERY part of me, and that includes the morning breath and bed head in my holey pajamas
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Super October 2022
Jessi · on July 27, 2021 at 12:53 PM
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The plan so far (which could definitely change) is that we will both be sleeping at home together the night before and I'll just be getting up early to go to the venue to get ready. At that point we'll be together 7 years and living together for 6 of those so no point in staying apart, plus we're both crazy dog parents and want to give him the most amount of "normal" days with us before we go on our mini honeymoon.
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Savvy May 2022
Tiffany · on July 27, 2021 at 1:00 PM
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Hahahah this is so true. WHY are all of my PJs holey
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Dedicated September 2021
Sarah · on July 27, 2021 at 3:32 PM
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Our officiant (friend and High Priestess) and I are getting a double. She'll be coming in from out of town, so we'll stay in that room the night before. He'll stay in "our" room with some of his guys from out of town, and we'll be doing a first look. So we'll be apart, but in the same hotel.
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Just Said Yes July 2021
Deborah · on July 27, 2021 at 4:41 PM
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We were in the same boat in that we have lived together for 7 years and been together for 9+. It seemed odd spending the night away from him and I would have been ok with staying the night if we had chosen that but we went the traditional route. What we did to keep the cost down was I stayed with my maid of honor (who is single/didn't bring a plus one) in her room the night before. I have also been the bridesmaid/maid of honor that other brides that I have been in their wedding stayed with on the night before. I do love that last minute "girl time" as a single gal with my favorite besties.
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Dedicated September 2021
Jocelyn · on July 27, 2021 at 5:49 PM
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My fiancée and I will be apart the night before. I am more traditional in that area and I want the momentum to be worked up by the time she dies see me at the wedding.
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Just Said Yes August 2021
Heather · on July 27, 2021 at 6:36 PM
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We are spending the night and morning of apart. It has nothing really to do with tradition or superstition but more so because I think it builds more anticipation to wake up and it’s not like every other day of your life . I’ve been with my fiancé for 5 years and it would feel less special to me if I woke up next to him in our bed in our house like every other morning. I want to be dying to see him and I want him to be dying to see me.
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Just Said Yes November 2021
Kimberly · on July 28, 2021 at 11:30 AM
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We are staying in the hotel overnight before the wedding, but since we will have his son with us, and our bridal party will be getting ready in our suite morning of, I’m having him and his son stay in his sisters room the night before, and his sister stay with me the night before. This is more so they can sleep in and we can get ready together easily without having to get them out of the room and has nothing to do with tradition.
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Just Said Yes October 2021
Robyn · on July 28, 2021 at 11:30 AM
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We are staying apart. The brides maids and I are crashing at the matron of honors house (mostly because my maid of honor is bad at time management lol. My groom and our kids will be at home.
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Just Said Yes October 2021
Amanda · on July 28, 2021 at 11:31 AM
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We will be spending it apart. And we’re not doing a “first look” or photos before. The first time we’ll see each other after rehearsal is when I walk down the aisle!
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Just Said Yes September 2021
Jessica · on July 28, 2021 at 11:33 AM
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My fiancé and I will be together 6 years. We are getting married in two months. We have lived in our own condo together for about 2 years now. We are staying at our own place together the night before the wedding. We both want to have the relaxed alone time before both of our whole families come in the next day and it gets crazy. Plus, we’ve already been living together so why not another night? The planning process has been very stressful on the both of us and there has been a lot of drama with my fiancé’s family. We will be happy when it’s over and we’re on our honeymoon, honestly.
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Beginner March 2021
Briana · on July 28, 2021 at 11:35 AM
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We're having a destination wedding and although I have an extra suite booked for two nights so that the guys can get ready in that on the day of the wedding (hotel wouldn't let me just use the room for the day so have to spend two nights worth of $$ on it *eyeroll*) we will be spending the night before together.

I would have way too much anxiety sleeping apart before such a big day. I also think its special to be together that morning even if it is just for coffee or breakfast or a pep talk. i've had friends who planned to spend the night before apart and it was a bit overwhelming for them.
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