Stepdaughter Issues

Hello Samantha! I too married a man with adult children and blended families can be a challenge. Here’s the deal … if the step-daughter is over 18/21 and she does not live with him HE MUST deal with her. You are marrying him and she is an added gift. If she does NOT respect you it is HE get FATHER that must fix that. When you discussed with her the dates that was out of respect and wanted her to be apart of your celebration- therefore who ever is coming back to you and saying she says the contrary to what she dismays you you is stirring the pot - does not matter out of whose mouth. Drama 🎭 the wedding is about your your union a BOYFRIENDS BIRTHDAY is not yours or your FH’s priority . If anyone is selfish it’s she. Did she discuss that date is it a milestone birthday. These millennials have such ill-will mentality /entitlement . She may feel this union May mirror his previous marriage but that is not for her. She may be concerned I get that and understand but the ruthlessness is unwarranted and her father/family need to check her and put her in her place. My husband LOVES his kids it he’s made it clear that under no circumstances can they disrespect me ESPECIALLY in our home. They all have their lives to live as do we. When they are out living there’s we are at an age that we don’t allow our kids to disrupt OUR HAPPINESS. And if the decision is that the child is not in or participate it will be on that individuals conscious not ours. She has daddy issues that she needs to resolve / go get counseling. I tell my kids there are no how to be a parent handbook at least not when I stated having kids. If she does not resolve those issues with her father her relationship with her stealing thunder boyfriend will collapse . And the fact she shows her father no respect in front of her boyfriend - the boyfriend needs to reevaluate if he wishes to be serious with him. My love try to enjoy the journey. This is my husbands 3rd marriage as well but his kids dare not show such blatant disrespect. I must say I have be truly blessed. Out of his 6 kids o feel the issue is only with one and I don’t interact often though I continually try to nurture the relationship. However she does not disrespect me at least not to my face lol. As to our FH distancing himself and YOU they’d what he should do. He will always love his daughter but he must protect his wife as well.

It sounds like you're doing all you can do which is to be yourself. You can't control how she feels or even her actions. However, your FH needs to face this head on and not run from her. Don't let her ruin this for you! Stand up for yourselves and each other. Don't tolerate screaming or calling you selfish and that sort of thing. Maybe encourage her to get counseling to work all this out. But otherwise, stand strong.

Thank you for your responses! You are right, we need to do what's best for our marriage!

Of she’s am adult, and live on her own, it is perfectly fine for you to not deal with her at all!
Their relationship is between them. I know it’s hard.
My adult daughter has a lot of anger against her dad - some of it deserved, I’ll admit, but still - and it’s not a good relationship. However, it’s his to manage. I wouldn’t expect his fiance to deal with her at all, she has no responsibility towards her. She will make increasingly ridiculous demands (stealing a grown man’s birthday thunder, for crying out loud!) and you’ll never make her happy. I will give some general advice about adult step children - you can have a friendly but distant role in their lives. My fh knows daughter is pretty explosive (she’s maturing!) and he is cheerful and kind but always allows her to initiate contact. She also sees that he treats me like a queen and that makes her happy.