Stepmom about my wedding.

My father is paying for our wedding. I asked him what my budget was and I planned within that. You need to know what your working with in order to plan accordingly. You need to just let them know what your vision is for your wedding. You don't have to tell them to do t want to get married at their home so to say but do tell them what you do what and hopefully they will get they hint.

To be honest, everyone is going to tell you on here that if they're paying for the wedding, they get a say. It's true though. If you want the wedding done your way, you're going to need to pay for it, otherwise, they have a right to let you know what they wanna pay for.
Maybe you guys can come to some agreements and input both of your ideas so that way it's still a wedding you imagine, but you can't really deny something, again, if it's not your money going towards it.

I think it depends on everyone’s relationships and the situation. Like if your dad had money saved up for your wedding before they were married and always intended to give it to you then in my opinion it’s his to give to you. He definitely he has a say on where the money goes, I don’t think it’s your stepmoms place to dictate where all the money is spent if it’s your dads gift to you. I would continue to be respectful because she’s not coming from a bad place. I’d just keep letting her know that you have a vision and maybe keep quiet on planning when talking to your step mom. She might think she’s helping by presenting options rather than stressing you out.

I agree 100% with everything Courtney said. And I would show my Dad a picture of my dream venue . I do think in a nice way, when your step mom ask you about wedding planning. Tell her I I don't want to move in haste so I will be slowing down the wedding planning so that the right vendors will be choosen for the wedding.

Ok I hope I dont sound mean when I say this. It's not my intention to sound mean . But I would sit my Daddy down an have a heart to heart. Inform him that you rather have him involved in planning your wedding. Because your stepmother isnt respect your decision's for your wedding. So you feel like she is over stepping her boundaries. If this makes sences.

I know I will not have a popular thought but your step mom inviting 200 people and you having 40 is a bit nuts.
As far as venue see if there is a reason they want it at the house. Maybe founds are a night tight. My dad gave me a certain amount. We are also helping pay for the wedding.

Very quicly you need to stop this but doing something. You have clear ideas. You need to take 3 hours and put things on paper. We want no more than 100 guests, 80 who are family bride and groom want to invite, and B and G friends. Plus a max of 20 that father and stepmother can invite. . And up to 8 or 10 total in bridal party, you groom, and 3-4 people each. You do / do not want children, or only children over 12 or 14. You want a late morning wedding with wedding brunch, or early afternoon with buffet, or late afternoon wedding with seated dinner and evening. You do or do not want dancing, or live music or a DJ. If you do not want to have a home wedding, cite the 110 guests as too many, when you consider separate dining and facing spaces, and bathroom situation ( unless they have at least 6 available bathrooms they would not mind people going near bedroom areas to get to. If your stepmother was thinking 200 or more guests, she was probably want just a collation , coffee and a single champagne toast, and desserts. Is that what you want, yes or no. Ask to meet with just your father, this is not a couples social event. He can later inform stepmother of total dollars he will pay, what it will cover, and what things you will pay for. And I suggest you pay at least half of venue and meal, so you have full choice of place or menu. If they are paying more than half of these two things, your step mother will have fun planning the place and meals she wants. The choice if officient and the content , religious or secular, are ALWAY the exclusive choice of B & G, and are the individuals in WP. But they get expensive, meals and gifts and thank you dinners, so if you keep it to about 3 each, little reasonable objection. Your Dad may need to move assets around, and sell stock, securities, or take a loan and may be shocked to find a 10K wedding in his day is 15K to 25 K now. You need to talk with him ASAP to prevent trouble. Spend a single evening, or a whole day with FI, and be ready to lay it out, with some estimates. Remember that any per person food Quote will have 40-50% added to it, for administrative fees, wait staff gratuities, and state taxes. In addition to the base venue fee. If you want to plan your wedding, not have Step mom do it and you keep saying NO. You owe it to your Dad not to put him in marriage trouble. And that means a tentative budget immediately. Or expect to pay for 90% or all of your wedding. You need to know so he can make plans, and you can start planning.

My advice: plan a wedding you and your FH can afford on your own. Your dad and stepmom are paying for your wedding (finances are usually shared when you’re married), so her opinions should be heard and she can have her opinions about an event she’s paying for. The guest list thing is really ridiculous though.

I would talk to your dad in private and let him know how you are feeling. The sooner you may decisions on venue, vendors, guest list, etc. then they are over with and she can't change them.