Stigma against heavy appetizers?

I can't talk much for any stigma about food, all I can say is I am very big on making sure people are well fed. For me I personally would prefer people to be very full than hungry, especially as our wedding will have a lot of alcohol served!

I didn't realize there was a stigma around this. I definitely think that it's more of a cultural and/or location thing, and some people may not understand because they haven't been to a wedding where this is done. I see it all the time on this one wedding show I watch and I'm always amazed by the heavy appetizers and hope I get invited to a wedding like that one day lol. Where I'm from it's common to have light appetizers and/or passed hors d'oeuvres and buffet or plated dinner. This is what we're doing for our wedding with a plated dinner, but we also added a mac n cheese bar as a late night snack, because I also don't want people to be hungry. Bottom line, don't worry about other peoples opinions. If it's what you want and you can afford it go for it.

I think people opt for heavy apps because they think it’s cheaper - which, if done properly, it isn’t (more time-consuming for the caterer to make because there are lots of small pieces). So when they say “heavy apps” they don’t meant what you’ve described - or else they don’t have enough of them to keep people happy and not hungry.

I plan events all the time and I've done plated, buffets and heavy apps. What I've learned is that heavy apps are great if you offer a selection that everyone can eat (making sure you have enough for your vegans vegetarians and meat lovers) - the down side is honestly there is no cost difference to having heavy apps versus a plated meal. At the end of the day the cost is about the same.

We visited a venue and discussed the option of heavy appetizers and the venue representative we were talking to was all "oh, well you only need enough to give 2/3s of your guests one of each" - which I think is why people get weird about it. In some cases, they are thinking of previous times in which there wasn't enough food for people to eat and stay full, even though there would be a lot of alcohol. (FWIW we didn't choose this venue for a number of reasons, and this was one of them.)

I think a lot of this is really in the details and in the person's definition of "heavy appetizers." Sometimes on this forum when posters talk about "heavy apps" they are talking about picking up some random finger foods at Costco, and it seems their primary motivation is to save money, but still have an otherwise traditional evening wedding reception with drinking and dancing. Since most guests invited to an evening reception expect a full meal, there are usually lots of comments from people who've attended that kind of event and left early to go eat because it wasn't at all satisfying, and it potentially comes off as very cheap (especially if the couple seem to have spent money freely on things that don't impact guests' experience).

It sounds like you're talking about an interpretation that I'd characterize as more like a full buffet, but set up as "action stations" that are open over a longer period of time than a typical dinner buffet. I think that's fine, especially if the couple has a younger guest list. I'm never a fan of any kind of buffet for a formal wedding because I don't want to stand in line and carry food across the room when I'm dressed up and wearing heels. Often the lines move slowly and people have to stand in multiple lines if they want to try different options, so people spend time in line rather than eating on a schedule and then dancing afterwards. Gramma can't carry her own plate and/or negotiate crossing the room with it, so that means someone needs to go get her food for her, etc. If there are ten "grammas" among the guests, that means there are a lot of people standing in line all night for the "grammas'" food as well as their own. If food is being served over a longer period of time, I think it also makes it more difficult to pull off some of the more traditional events of a wedding reception (hard to do a first dance or speeches when people are milling around getting food). And, finally, as you've mentioned, a full action station appetizer reception tends to be significantly more expensive than a plated dinner. In that situation, I don't think people are going to go away hungry, but I do think it will be a different type of party/vibe than a plated dinner reception. Not good or bad, just different.

We have a lot of family in NJ, so we've attended those over-the-top receptions where there is enough food to feed two armies during cocktail hour and then a multi-course meal with a dual plated entree of filet mignon and lobster, and six different desserts, and you're right, NO ONE can actually eat that much food. (But, at the same time, with my beloved family, I think it's more of a "keeping up with the Jones" type thing that drives it than a concern with making sure people don't leave hungry....)

I mostly think it's important to be clear about what "heavy apps" means in the given context. Also, unfortunately in a time of Covid-19, it sounds like buffets/stations aren't going to be options at many venues for a long while.

I don't think there's a stigma per se, but this has been the experience of many people I know, which could account for the questions posters get hit with when they say they want to do "heavy apps":

"Sometimes on this forum when posters talk about "heavy apps" they are talking about picking up some random finger foods at Costco, and it seems their primary motivation is to save money, but still have an otherwise traditional evening wedding reception with drinking and dancing. Since most guests invited to an evening reception expect a full meal, there are usually lots of comments from people who've attended that kind of event and left early to go eat because it wasn't at all satisfying, and it potentially comes off as very cheap (especially if the couple seem to have spent money freely on things that don't impact guests' experience)."

I used to work as a catering server and I have worked weddings where the meal was truly heavy apps that were as satisfying as a full meal (a combination of passed and stations). But I remember working an event with delicious, hearty passed apps where the guests didn't know that this was the entire meal (there were no stations) and no one really got enough food because they took some, declined some, while clearing waiting for dinner to be announced. That host communicated/planned poorly.

And I have been a guest at several weddings where there were only snacks to pick at and it felt so skimpy and everyone left hungry.

There isn't a stigma around this. What there is is different expectations, so people respond with those in mind. A lot of people suggest doing appetizers to save money, which means that they either are uninformed about how much it costs to serve heavy appetizers in sufficient amount to replace a meal or they're going to skimp out and not spend enough money on appetizers to serve as a meal replacement.

I honestly do not understand what "heavy appetizers" are. At most weddings I have been to there is a cocktail hour with passed hors d'oeuvres (usually anywhere from 3-6 options, depending on how big the wedding is). They're all bite sized finger food options and guests usually try one of everything and then double or triple up on the few they really like. So guests are consuming maybe 3-10 one to two bite apps for that part of the wedding - certainly not enough to fill anyone up or replace a full meal. I've never been to a wedding receptions where guests are just fed apps in place of a full meal.

I also work at a college and several times a year we do the whole buffet/stations thing with apps for receptions and family events and there is always a TON of food yet it never feels like a full or balanced meal. Feeling satiated is a cognitive and emotional response to food, not just a physical one, so while it may be possible for a guest to consume 2000 calories in apps in just an hour or two that doesn't mean they are going to walk away as satisfied as if you give them a balanced 800-1200 calorie dinner.

I don't assume that but from experience I've been to two weddings that did "heavy appetizers" but didn't tell guests in advance so people just snacked on appetizers slowly for like an hour before realizing there wasn't a real meal. I think as long as guests are told on the invites or the website in advance, it's totally fine as long as there is enough food.

Four Weddings?

I am always amazed at their cocktail hours and the amount of food that is there and then they go in to a full meal

If it was in our budget I would do it, but I probably would still do light apps to start, dinner, and then a hearty midnight snack

Yes Four Weddings! There's always at least one bride that has a lot of food for the cocktail hour.