Still adjusting after almost one year of marriage 😜

Have you ever lived with a roommate or anyone before your marriage? Did he move into your place? Many of the things you describe are things dealt with when living with any other person. Also, if he moved into your apartment or home, you may want to consider getting a new place that belongs to the both of you so it doesn’t seem like an invasion of your space.

B. Yvette you are not alone 😂 My husband and I too are a great match and have a lot in common (values, families are similar, similar life goals) but we remain different too. I take weekend naps while he loves to golf, he is extroverted, I’m introverted, I snack late, he doesn’t 😂 perhaps these differences are our way of an opposites attract?! I’ve had an impromptu coffee with a friend (thought it would be 30 minutes yet girl talk was so fun and 2 hours later) - totally forgot to call husband! Poor guy was worried sick - 😬 oops!! Still navigating here too 😋❤️💐

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We actually lived together at least twice before in another state for a year, but otherwise it was for just a few days or weeks at a time while I was moving, with long distance travel and job stuff. Before that we each had our own place. Roommates I have had before in my younger days; one was awesome and the other two times were nightmares. I was sIngle for over 20 years after my divorce, but have known him in our relationship for 16. Yes, he moved into my home which is a lot bigger, when he moved across country to live here. We are planning a move to Washington state this spring, so all should be just fine by then. Except he wants a dog, and I’m not too sure about that. We will see.

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LOL yes good to know it’s not just me. I’m the extrovert and he’s the introvert in our connection. We also have plenty of similarities but also our differences, which we find ourselves laughing with each other about 😁

I never lived with any of my ex-boyfriends before I met my FH and was always extremely independent. When we moved in together the first year was an adjustment for both of us, for sure. You have your own ways and he has his, suddenly you have to find new ways to navigate around. But it’s also so much fun to create new habits together. You’ll find a middle balance, probably enjoy new, shared habits and someday look back to this post and laugh about it. You don’t have to get rid of your old habits and independence either. It will be just slightly different than it is now.
Also, get that dog ☺️

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Yes, you are correct! We are doing it together, besides I’m sure he’s making adjustments as well. After the move, we will discuss the dog again. Definitely a compromise on that decision with more discussion 👍

This post made me laugh ... I have been married nearly 30 years to my husband. For the first 10 years he was in the Army and then following 20 years a police officer (both occupations gone nights, weekends, months, etc.). I was as single as can be be while still being married with a healthy amount of "me" time. Now he is retired and especially with Covid, around all the time! It's been an adjustment 🤣

Omg, yes! The alone time, needing to check in. He also has a TON of junk food and I never did because I have no control. 😆 We just had a bad but important blow-out because the stress of being together 24/7, lockdown stress, and job instability. I expressed the need for date days, even if just a walk or drive someplace. We both realized we need alone time in the house which is tough since he’s furloughed and I’m working from home. But we talked it out and have a plan. And the past few weeks we’re really clicking again. 💕

That does sound like an adjustment. Best wishes

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I can relate to both the OP and this PP.... Yes, it was a huge adjustment when H and I lived together the year before we were married more than 30 years ago.... But, we found good, workable patterns -- at least until he retired 5 years ago. I was still teaching, so working, but used to having the house to myself in the afternoon and during summer and vacations. Oh, my goodness, it was SO HARD to have him home ALL THE TIME! Then, I was teaching last spring when we went on Covid lockdown, so I was suddenly teaching online; we nearly killed each other! He was SO noisy and our internet service couldn't handle my live streaming needs and whatever he wanted to do in his office.... I retired this fall, so now we're back to trying to negotiate what life looks like when we're both home without significant regular commitments (especially during Covid when there aren't many places for either of us to go....

Like they say, the only constant is CHANGE.... Keep talking and negotiating how you manage things together. My husband is a huge extrovert and I'm an even bigger introvert -- we're had to carve out specific time when I can be alone and/or he doesn't talk to me a lot.... LOL! Hang in!

View Quoted Comment Lol!! I am a teacher (at home for DL) and still have 6 years before I can retire. Meanwhile, retired hubby makes a lot of noise and interjects a few expletives while watching the news. Like you, I'm the intovert and he's the extrovert. Thank God he has a motorcycle and I encourage him to take frequent trips🤣. It sounds like we need to start our own forum...I'm sure soon-to-be/new brides don't want to hear from us 30+ MOBs 😂

Liked others said, all of this is pretty normal! It is definitely a challenge to create new routines together, but remember that its also ok to be independent too. Overall, my advice is to communicate what you want! Some of the things aren't even going to be problems. And those that are problems/annoying can be solved!


For example my husband doesn't like leftovers, so when grocery shopping I buy things that he can easily make and eat for himself, like a frozen pizza, especially for nights I don't want to cook or an feeling an urge for cereal for dinner. I'm basically like, "I'm not cooking you're on your own." And it's fine. We're both also introvert so we just communicate when we do and don't want to hang out, including going to bed together or not (although he frequently falls asleep on the couch and I wake him up to go to bed haha). And things like going where you want and when, try and have a discussion of what you both expect from each other. Me and my husband don't really have a rule besides let the other person know, but do what works for you! Hope this helps.

Thanks so much for sharing!! I definitely see a lot of me and him and us in your thoughtful responses. Making our way through some interesting challenges, for sure. For example, we talked about private time for myself and he’s fine with it — I head to the gym right after work at least three days a week and stay at work as long as I want, with no guilty feelings anymore if I hadn’t seen him since 7am. I eat when I want and if I just want a smoothie, it’s cool. If I’m tired, I nap. He ironed a shirt by himself, is making a new seafood recipe for us this weekend, and agreed to hide his snacks. ❤️👍