I recently had a falling out with one of my bridesmaids, who was a friend of mine for the past 5 years. So, a little bit of backstory: I asked her to be my bridesmaid in the beginning of May this year, and she quickly accepted. For the past 5 months I've made sure each of my bridesmaids were involved 100% in the planning process/knew their roles and what I've been doing on my end for the wedding in April of next year.
Around the end of July, we put together the bachelorette party, and within 10 minutes of me announcing it, she immediately declined with her reason being that her daughter will barely be 1 year old at that point and she didn't want to be away from her and her husband for 2 nights. She eventually retracted her answer after some prodding, and said that she and her family would stay in a hotel near our AirBnB so she could show up for the festivities during the day.
Last week I got a text from her bringing up the invitations I had agreed to make for her Aunt's wedding, then proceeded to say she no longer needed me to make them because they'd already been made, and that the final wedding date printed on them were the same as my wedding date...
It wasn't until this point that I was told she was also supposed to be in her Aunt's wedding at all. This same Aunt also changed her date several times before landing on my date. Because of this, I thought nothing of it, thinking my wedding might take priority for several reasons. After our initial conversation I left the talk thinking that's also what she had been implying. It wasn't until several days later that she reached out to me again, and at this point I realized I had misread and I point-blankly asked her if she was planning on being in my wedding or not, since she hadn't been being clear.
Her response to that was that she wasn't even sure if she's still in her aunt's wedding or not, since the last time it was mentioned to her at all was in June...and that she had gotten engaged 2 years ago, but just didn't have enough money for her wedding then. I was told that if she was still expected to be in the aunt's wedding, then she would show up to mine for the end of the reception. If she wasn't expected to be in her aunt's wedding anymore, then she would be at mine as a bridesmaid up until halfway through my reception.
Quite frankly put, she showed no regret or sympathy for my situation at all, which bothered me more than her bailing halfway through my engagement. To add to my reasons for being upset, when she got married I agreed to make all of her Save the Dates, RSVPs and Invitations free of charge -- I wasn't even one of her bridesmaids AND she got married on my birthday (I cancelled the plans I had previously made with a group of people in order to be there for her). When she had a baby shower a few years later, I again made Save the Dates, Invitations, baby shower games, and signs for it, also free of charge. My family also jumped in and helped contribute to her baby shower gifts, and up until last week, solely purchased Scentsy products from her on a monthly basis to help her out financially. I feel that I've gone out of my way on more than one occasion, and this is quite frankly the only thing I've ever asked of her in our 5 years of friendship.
From the beginning, she had been quick to opt out of one of the largest wedding party events, and now with this, she showed very little disregard for how it affected me. I understand the priority that family usually takes in most situations, but given the context of everything and how she wasn't even 100% sure she was still in her aunt's wedding but was quick to throw mine to the side when her aunt finally confirms -- not okay. She told me she would get back to me later when she finds out and until then I was left to wonder if I would be with one less bridesmaid, or a bridesmaid who only half-cared to be there.
I told her her decision was clear regardless, and that because of the length of our friendship I would still love to see her at the wedding as a guest next year. I told my fiance I would give it a week to see if things cleared up or if she would even pretend to be a little more sympathetic as a friend should. By the end of the week, I didn't hear anything from her. My birthday also happened to be on Sunday and I didn't so much as get a Happy Birthday text. Based on this I'm finding it really hard to see her as a genuine friend anymore, but I don't want to jump the gun if I'm just being biased towards my own wedding over her aunt's.
Thoughts? Would you still invite an ex-bridesmaid to your wedding given the scenario?
