Stressed!

Is your FMIL trying to take over things, not listening to you, being too controlling? Or do you just wish to not have her involved in wedding planning because that's what makes you most comfortable?

I'd suggest sitting down with him and letting him know that you need his support on your decision. I'd also have a talk with your FMIL and let her know that while you are grateful for her help, you wish to plan this wedding alone with your FH.

You both are supposed to be a team, so you need to vocalize this to your FH.

View Quoted Comment It’s just little things and it could just be me being stressed but I don't want to many people involved. I’m a full time college student and I work part time and now planning a wedding is stressful enough. I’m very much a do it in my own person and having a lot people involved for me makes it worse. I don’t think she’s trying to be frustrating but I just need to her calm down a little bit

You should talk about this with your fiance. Let him know your concerns, and also hear his side of the story too, and work together to come up with a conclusion. One thing you could do is give his mom one aspect that she can focus on planning all the details for (such as the rehearsal dinner, or the flowers, or something that you're OK with delegating). That way, she still feels included, and you can focus on planning the things you care most about. Otherwise, are you able to talk things out with his mom? She might not be aware of how she is making you feel. Rather than immediately cutting her out of the planning, I would try to resolve things first. If things don't improve, then I would keep all plans between you and your fiance, and not share details.

Lol! Wow, that’s a tough spot. Have you tried sitting him down and explaining that this is your wedding day and that you just want to plan a day yourself and not feel any pressure by others?

View Quoted Comment I’ve tried to but I don’t think I’m explaining it well enough for him to understand. He’s for sure a mommas boy and he’s upset that I don’t want her involved

View Quoted Comment Well he needs to get over it. This is not his mom’s wedding. I would be stern with him on this. It’s not like his mom won’t be at the wedding. Don’t back down. Stand your ground.

This might be an unpopular piece of advice...but do you have a good relationship with your future MIL? If you do, maybe you can talk to her yourself about how you are trying to get things done and will reach out when help is needed, but none currently is. If you're not comfortable with doing this, then there has to be some way to communicate this to him so he can step in. Maybe the way you are saying what you are feeling isn't making sense to him. It sounds dumb, but it happens to my FH and I frequently and when we re-phrase what we are trying to say, usually it sets in a little better.

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Gotcha! There's no harm in communicating how you feel to her! Allie had a great suggestion about letting her know that if there's anything you need her help with, you'll tell her. I like to plan stuff on my own, so I get where you're coming from. I had to tell my mom that I appreciated her help she was giving, but it was stressing me more than it was actually helping. She was understanding...maybe this work out the same for you!

View Quoted Comment I just feel like I would be over stepping if I were to confront her. Does that make sense?

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It makes sense! Some things can be touchy or feel out of place when it concerns in-laws. You could start by expressing your concerns to you FH and ask if he could relay the message to his mom? If he doesn't follow through with that, then you may just have to speak to her directly.

It'll be uncomfortable, but it's important to remember that you'll be family once you're married! Being able to speak to her about things that concern you, or telling her how you feel is important not only for your sake, but it also helps strengthen your relationship with her because you're being honest!

You can be perfectly polite and kind when you speak to her about this! Just be sure to express that you're grateful for the help, but you would rather do most of the planning on your own, and come to her with anything you need help with.

View Quoted Comment Everyone’s been super helpful and I really appreciate it!

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Of course! That's what we're here for!

One great piece of advice I got is choose a detail you don’t care about and give it to them as their task. They’ll feel like they’re helping and it won’t cause you much stress since it’s a small detail you don’t care about.
I gave my mom napkin/runner colors (couldn’t decide on which shade for each). I sent her some ideas and let her go with it. In the end I changed my color scheme and didn’t use her idea but it kept her busy/involved.