Strippers and bachelor/bachelorette party

I hate that saying, "last night of freedom."

No.

You are already committed to each other, you just haven't said your vows and "I Do's"....

I'm 100% with @Sass.

You need a stripper? You don't need me.

Your FH shouldn't be "super reluctant" to tell you. Trust and communication is key to a relationship.

If you both are against strippers than your FH should talk to his GM and stand his ground with "no strippers." His GM should respect that.

And in all honesty, if I were in his shoes and the GM chose stripper night against my wishes, I would politely and firmly refuse to attend.

I would be more concerned about my fiancée's trust and feelings than trying to please lustful GM.

He should make it very clear no strippers. I'm more concerned about the do trust don't trust. If your FH feels he can't tell you something because of how upset you get then that is going to cause more problems in the future.

If it makes you uncomfortable you need to speak up, be honest, and let him know. If his friends do not respect your wishes (which hopefully they're mature enough) then you need to let him know you'd prefer he be honest with you.

My FH told his friends no strippers! He doesn't want them. He also told them if they don't respect his wishes he will get up and walk out! With that being said, if he really doesn't want them like you say he doesn't their should be no problem. I on the other hand could care less what he chooses to do but am a firm believe if you really don't want something you'll speak up and make sure it doesn't happen. With that being said I'm still not convinced it's him who doesn't want the strippers!!!!!

I don't agree with sass or anyone with a similar opinion to sass. (No offense I think you're great lol!)

This year, FH and myself each went to a strip club once. Me for my friends birthday, and him with his friends for a birthday.

To say that just because your man looks at another woman for pleasure (to me watching a stripper dance isn't "getting pleasure" it's entertainment) means they shouldn't be with you is a little ridiculous.

I would bet money the majority of your FH's, and yourself have watched and/or still watch porn. That is "looking at another man/woman for pleasure" but would you leave your SO over porn?

That being said, excessive porn watching or attending the strip club more than once or twice a year is a problem. But doing so occasionally and only going once in a blue moon and ONLY WATCHING the strippers, has no bearing on what your FH/FW thinks of you. And it honestly almost never means they want to leave you and be with someone else.

So to say you should NEVER allow your FH/FW to attend a strip club simply because you think wanting to see exotic dancers on rare occasions means they shouldn't be with you is a little ridiculous.

What happens at the beach? Basically naked women walking around. Shirtless men. Some of those people are bound to be attractive. Do you think your FH/FW doesn't look? It's human nature. Being married doesn't mean everyone else stops being attractive.

However, there are boundaries and there are ways to respectfully acknowledge another persons attractiveness without disrespect your spouse. Simply looking is not a crime.

AlmostMrsE - I do agree with you. Me and my FH also go to strip clubs together once in a blue, and we definitely both watch porn! With that being said, my FH doesn't want strippers at his BP! I'm guessing the reason being his FFIL will be there lol. But the whole point is if someone really truly doesn't want something they will make sure it doesn't happen and if it does happen won't be apart of it!

Your issue isn't strippers, your issue is trust. Your FH should a) respect you enough to tell his friends "no strippers" and b) tell you what's going on.

I would suggest counselling on your own and together.

I agree with @AlmostMrsE. I don't really have a problem with strippers and I trust my Fi to know that if this ever happened, it would be strictly watching and nothing more. Attending a strip club is not a big deal to me. Engaging in more explicit acts (involving Lifesavers or any other such nonsense) is a deal-breaker.

I'm very uncomfortable with strippers myself but my FHs friends will no doubt hire a stripper. My FH and I talked about it and I explained what part made me uncomfortable - that I don't like the idea of lap dances and a stripper essentially trying to turn someone on. He agreed that he would feel equally uncomfortable if the situation was reversed and promised he won't get a lap dance or will turn one down if one of the guys gets him one. This made me feel better so I felt like it was a good compromise.

I don't think it's a matter of letting him have a stripper. He doesn't WANT a stripper, according to you. And if his friends aren't going to listen to him, they aren't going to listen to you either. This is pretty much out of your hands.

So tell him what you would want him to do if a stripper arrives. Listen to him tell you what he would want to do in that situation. Hopefully, they'll either be the same thing or else you can come to a compromise.

I have my Bachelorette party today we will have a get together at my house and then a few of us are going to a club where they have a male revenue show and my sister pay for the vip wish we even going to have picture with them my FH knows about it and he's cool with it this is something I have never done so I'm exited. He's bachelor party is today too not sure what they have planned but I heard they may end up at striper club afterwards and I'm ok with . Strippers are not going to put your relationship in dangers . They can cheat on you with coworkers or any other female . It's all about trust and opens mind . I don't ever tell my FH what he can and can not to do he's an adult and can make his own choices . That's my opinion . Think that if they see a striper they do more than watch that's insecurity and if they do then them don't truly loves you if they do something that could jeopardize your relationship. I hope I have a lot of fun tonight.

I don't like the idea of FH at strip clubs either...he went with his best friend for his friends bachelor party and was texting me the whole time saying he wanted to leave...

I mean..do I think he wasn't actually looking at any of the girls? No, I'm not that stupid...half naked girls...I'm sure he was looking. But that's legit all they can do!

Even if the girl is naked...all they can do is look. And let's be honest...how many times do I see photos of half naked men on fb and say 'damn he's hot'?

I don't like it, but I also trust that he would never do anything that would break that trust.

Everyone also has to remember that if your FH/FW cheats on you with a stripper, it's not FREE. So if they stoop so low to cheat on you and PAY for it, you're better off without them. They can easily cheat on you with a co worker, friend, random person for FREE. So why people think strippers are more dangerous than that flirty co worker is beyond me lol.

AlmostMrsE, I'm not naive. I'm not prude, either. But if my FH needs/wants to watch a half naked woman dancing in front of him, that isn't me, for "entertainment" purposes, that's not the man I need in my life. Or want.

@Sass I'm pretty sure I NEVER said you were naive or prude.

And I'm glad you found a man like that, honestly. But there's a big difference between a man/woman NEEDING to look at other women/men and doing it on very rare occasions while out with friends.

Make sure he tells the guys throwing it no strippers. If he just assumes they know and they hire one then he's going to feel obligated to partake in it. There was a thread on one of these boards a while ago about a bride who's groom decided no strippers for the party. Well he didn't tell the groomsmen that and they hire a personal stripper to the hotel room. They were all trashed, stuff happened. They called off the wedding. Granted, if your FH is willing to cheat when he's drunk then he'll be willing to cheat anyways, but the whole "last night of freedom" thing can get carried away fast. I personally think strip clubs are fine (although degrading), but anything more than just looking is cheating.

FH and I are both in agreement that we are against strippers at our bach parties. I believe that having a stripper is disrespectful to my committed relationship with him.

You are definitely not wrong for not wanting him to have a stripper, and you should tell him that. And, he should tell his friends that he does not want that. You wouldn't be controlling or mean. FH has already told me the things that he's uncomfortable with for my Bach party and I respected that.

I'm very against strippers. My FH is the only person I've been with. I waited a long time for him. If he needs to oogle other women he should not be with me. We have talked about this stuff before and he said to me he would never go to a strip club. And honestly we both have said we don't really like parties because we're such introverts that we'd rather have a conjoined get together going out to eat and possibly doing karaoke.

The only time FH has been to a strip club was with me when we first started dating. We went out drinking and went with a group. He even thinks strippers are pointless so it's not really something I would have to worry about. I totally trust my FH and I wouldn't like strippers at his bach.

Thankfully my FH is not a fan of strippers and neither are his GM. They want to have just a simple get together like bbq or pizza and beer night since they don't get to see each other very often. I get more worried about my FH in strip clubs because of the drinking since most places here have free drinks with a cover and FH definitely has a drinking problem