Struggling with small wedding

Thanks Nikki. My parents are paying for our wedding.

First, I would use some of the gifted money to plan a killer honeymoon - so that is something awesome to look forward to. Also, go to sites like apracticalwedding to get inspiration for smaller weddings. They have some amazing stuff on there. Finally, I would start doing other wedding things - you still need an awesome dress, flowers, pick out the reception place, and what about the night before? Perhaps treat those coming to a fabulous evening out before the wedding.

We're planning a honeymoon/ joint 30th birthday presents to each other to Japan for 2019 or maybe the US, we haven't 100% decided but it will probably be Japan. we'll aim to use our own money for that. THANK YOU for the website recommendation! I'll check it out.

My Mum's coming to visit in 3 weeks (I'm so excited!!) and we're going to find me a dress, look into silk flowers together etc reception is a bit difficult because a) we can't confirm the date yet (can only apply 4 months in advance in Denmark); b) we don't live where we're getting married so don't know where is good. WW doesn't have anything for Denmark unfortunately. But thanks for the suggestions!

I had an amazing, intimate, and gorgeous wedding at our local courthouse! I wore a dress, bouquet, got my hair + makeup done, and hired a photographer, and then we took our parents and son out to our fav romantic restaurant. We both are very close to our siblings, and we have 9 of them between the two of us, and I know that they wanted to be there, but we had such a great time with our parents and it was so perfect. I think that it is definitely a mindset.

My husband wanted to elope, I wanted the larger celebration (with immediate family at the very least) and now a year later, our vow renewal is in 10 days where we will be hosting 29 guests. We are SO thrilled. Perhaps this is something that you could do? My husband was not keen on the larger 80 guest wedding we originally planned, but we made a compromise. I would not change it for anything, and it gave me something to look forward to. The people who love you will want to celebrate your marriage at some point

I looked for your BAM and it looks amazing!! And so helpful to have the info about the courthouse too. What was your day of timeline like? I guess you had a gap if your parents cleaned your apartment?

I floated the party idea by FH but he's not so keen. It would have to be two parties, too, because we're not from the same country.

I will echo that a small, courthouse wedding can and will be beautiful. But you also don't have to limit yourself to that either, if it doesn't thrill you. You have the internet, look up wedding blogs of where people have gotten married in Copenhagen and find a beautiful venue that you love. Have your FH help find a photographer there, and a wonderful restaraunt. In my experience, the more that he gets involved in planning, the more excited he will be. And I think it is appropriate to expand your guest list. I'm having a DW with 5 friends, my immediate family, and one aunt who is my Godmother as well. FH is having 5 friends, his immediate family, and two aunts. It's a little bigger than what you are proposing, but for us it's the perfect amount. Small, but still surrounded by loved ones. And I think you will be surprised by how many people can make it to DW. I was shocked! If you both get to invite even just one best friend, that may give you more excitement. And tell FH how you're feeling, because even though his desires need to be taken into consideration, so do yours. If you are disappointed about your wedding day, that will not be fun for either of you.

I am having a small wedding (22 guests) but we are doing everything you would at a large wedding, minus a dance floor, so I don't feel like I am missing out on anything.

There is nothing wrong with a small wedding. It can still be very, very lovely. I am, however, a bit concerned that your FH isn't open to having a post wedding celebration in your home countries. Neither of you like to be the center of attention, but a celebration doesn't have to be large. If you want these (and it sounds like you do), the two of you need to come to a compromise that will satisfy both of you. Maybe that means 20 to 30 people at each. Surely, he could handle two hours or so while everyone enjoys a nice meal and a drink.

@Sarah - yes, there was kind of a large gap (my misinterpretation) right after the ceremony & photos.

My day was something like this:

11:30 AM - hair & make-up

1:00 PM - pick up cake from bakery

1:30 PM - home to get dress on

2:00 PM - leave for courthouse

2:30 PM - first look in front of courthouse

2:50 PM - ceremony, this didn't happen until about 3:20 or so

3:45 - 5PM - family portraits, B&G portraits etc.

5:15 PM - headed to the restaurant for our 6:30 PM (maybe 7?) reservation. this was the gap in time that I didn't account for, so my husband and I sat at the bar for a bit while our parents met the babysitter. We hired a sitter for our then 4 year old, because we wanted to enjoy dinner without interruption. Our parents waited for the sitter and met back up with us around 6:15 at the restaurant.

6:30 PM - dinner!

We do a lot of intimate weddings, and all of my officiants will tell you they love them, Is there a different dynamic? Of course, but you can still do pretty much anything you'd do at a huge wedding, with the bonus of actually being able to spend quality time with your guests. You can absolutely wear a fabulous dress, have beautiful flowers and music, and definitely a photographer. You can have gourmet food (brunch? Count me in!) and wine and it'll be gorgeous. And a lot less stressful along the way.

Maybe do your legal wedding and then have a blessing ceremony at your restaurant?

Marriage is all about compromise; maybe expand the list a bit, but realize too that whoever you invite, the important thing is that you're marrying your person with your closest people there to share the day.

OP I was in very much the same situation as you. We initially planned to be just the two of us, then we included a few immediate family members. I had the same struggle, where I wanted something small but my current plans didn't feel 'special' or 'weddingy'. We ended up expanding to 20 guests, which felt like it gave me permission to get the pretty dress, splurge on a pretty bouquet, and have invitations. Not that I couldn't have done these things with even less people, but it's what got me over that mental block. We live near FH's family, but my family lives 4000 miles away. I decided to include the family of mine that were interested in traveling all the way to Alaska.

My advice to you is first give yourself permission to do whatever beautiful things you want, regardless of where or how many people are there. If you want your godmother there, have her there and explain to your FH how important it is to you. I get wanting a small ceremony, but I would never put that desire over excluding someone so important to you.

Good luck!!

Thank you Sarah! There is definitely a mental block going on here too... Thanks for your advice

Thank you! I'm going dress shopping with my Mum in a few weeks and I'm really glad I can go with her (considering we live on opposite sides of the planet) but I'm worried I'm not going to have that moment. But knowing that at least one other person didn't either makes me less worried so while I wish it had been magical for you the whole time, I'm glad you got your moment in the end!!

It's not too late to change your mind! I've changed my mind 10 times or so lmao and I'm finally 10000% happy and excited for our date !