Surprise! We are already married

I've seen people on here that did that and then came on to complain that their family and friends were upset that they were lied to. Doesn't seem to go over well...

We don’t plan on announcing it at our wedding. Just might do it before intimately—just ya knowing—then have a big wedding a couple weeks later.

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So you'll tell people that you previously got married and are just having a celebration of marriage?

Thanks totally cool. It's people who pretend the later wedding is the actual wedding that I've seen get in trouble with loved ones.

I agree with LB. As long as your guests know the truth, it's no big deal. You can certainly do whatever you want but some people really don't like being lied to, no matter the impact it has in their own lives.

Nothing wrong with getting married before throwing a party just make sure your guests know that you are already married and already had a wedding and the party would just be a celebration of your marriage. Don't try to trick your guests, they will all still be just as happy and excited to attend the celebration as they would be if you weren't married yet. Lying never ends well.

Agree with everyone else! If your guests know that you’re already legally married and they’re just coming to a re-enactment or just a reception, that’s fine. However, lying to your guests and pretending the ceremony they’re witnessing is real, is not ok.

I used to work with a woman who secretly got married (her husband was stationed for the army, and for proper housing they had to be married) she never told her family. She was married at her Catholic Church, the priest made an exception as the husband was serving in Iraq.

I’d rather be honest with my guests as opposed to lying and making them think they attended our wedding when we’re actually already married. Maybe that’s just me though.

Yes! My husband and I got married in a small ceremony (about 10 people) and told everyone after the fact. We are now having a large ceremony and reception with all of our family and friends. I absolutely loved doing it this way. We were able to get married surrounded by those who mean the most to us and are able to celebrate again with a larger crowd. We also feel way less stress about the big ceremony because we are already married. I highly recommend.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your response Alex! This is what i wanted, an answer from people who had done it or knew someone who did it. Not really responses from people telling me how they’d be mad as a guest or how it is being deceitful.

Yes! We were married privately and now are planning our celebration of marriage. We had an intimate ceremony, us, our 2 children, witness and friend who ordained us. Now we are planning a huge celebration of marriage with all of our loved ones. Love our choice and it is way less stressful because were already married!

My husband & I got married at our house by the justice of the peace with just my kids and sister there. We did it for several reasons, but I am having a wedding July 6th and reception to celebrate with family and friends. They all know. My name changed on social media and we told everyone. We were not going to hide the fact we had gotten married. It was mainly for religious reasons. But in all honesty my cousin is the pastor that will do our ceremony and that will mean more than the Justice of the Peace doing it. The first ceremony made it legal. So I guess as long as everyone knows up front, there should be absolutely no issue whatsoever.

We are having his sister do a hand fasting on our land with just the 3 of us before our day. So not a wedding but still special to us.

We got married in a very intimate and casual ceremony this week and will be having our full on wedding and celebration next weekend. My family knows that we got married this week because my mom told them, and they were super happy and congratulated me and will still be happily attending next weekend. I'm kind of in the same boat as you with my husband's family... one of them (other than his parents) know that we got married and it sounds like his parents are the ones who don't want to tell their family until later because they're afraid people will be upset about it. I never wanted to lie to my guests, but my husband was worried at first for the same reasons as his parents. He now doesn't care... but it's a little too late for that. I made sure to never call it a wedding in my invitations or on my website. I called it a celebration, but people of course jump to the conclusion when you don't specifically clarify. I suppose we'll see what becomes of it next week!

I think that one of the weddings we are going to this coming month is actually just the reception and the ceremony will be in a courthouse.

View Quoted Comment This sounds very cool!

I do not mean this is a negative way, but I don't understand why a couple would get married in an elopement type ceremony, such as at the courthouse, when a traditional wedding/reception is planned in the near future. If it had something to do with military housing or health insurance, then I get it. Other than those types of situations though, I'm just not seeing why a couple would choose to do that.

Again, I am not knocking it, I just don't understand it and would love to learn more about it!

View Quoted Comment FH and I would have rather had a ceremony just the two of us. We realized that would mean hurt feelings and likely 2 parties or more instead of just 1. So we decided against it. I could see someone wanting that intimacy and privacy that you get when the only viewer is the officiant. I'm not sure why someone would keep it a secret, but we all have our reasons. 🤷‍♀️

View Quoted Comment FH wanted the date 10-10-20 bc he thought it was a cool date and it’s easy to remember. Our venue we fell in love with was not available that day, but is a couple weeks later. FH also really likes the beach (which is where we live) but I’m not a huge fan. To make both of us have a wonderful day to remember, we are contemplating an intimate wedding (just our mom’s and officiant) on the beach on 10-10-20, and then the big wedding at our venue with everyone a couple weeks later. That is our reasoning. My grandmother who I miss very much also got married to the same person twice (months apart) and kept the first wedding a secret just bc they wanted to. It’s kind of a sweet connection I also get to have with her since I can’t have her on my wedding day ❤️.