Swingers?

@CT- I'd be happy to clarify. No couple starts out as swingers. At least none that I know of. Most are together for years before they start swinging. Swinging isnt just some free for all open marriage, its a very emotionally trying experience that only a few are strong enough for. You have to be totally confident in your relationship and love for eachother, to know that you're not going to get jealous when you see him with another girl. We don't swing because "one person isn't enough", we swing because its fun! And we do love our hubbies and still can't get enough of them, every swinger will tell you no one can drive them wild like their husband can. He knows you better than anyone. Swingers aren't some crazy breed of deviants, we're normal people who want marriage, kids, and a house with a yard and a dog, just like everyone else. I don't really see why it would matter if you start swinging before or after marriage, you dont need a piece of paper to prove you're ready for it.

I'm sure yall are right, I know that we have a strong relationship but I was cheated on so many times by my 1st husband that I am so very territorial. I would love to be open to it at some point but it would have to be something I brought up, if he did I'm sure I would take it wrong. Working on letting go of my inner bitch..lol..

So, this whole topic had peaked my curiosity as to what my FH would think of it, so I went home yesterday and asked him what he thought of it... LMAO! He looked at me and said, really? I said, just wondering what you think, he said "This conversation is terminated"... HAHA! After I eased his mind that I wasn't interested in it, he said, there is no way I'm sharing you.... I don't want to share him either Happy Swinging to those of you who enjoy it However, we're declining...

CT--My FH and I decided to try it long before there was ever talk of a wedding. I came into the relationship with no idea about the lifestyle and what occurs during parties. My FH had previous experience with his ex-wife. He told me about it and that if I ever wanted to try it he was open to it and it was completely up to me one way or the other. Please understand that yeah I love him and everytime the two of us are together it is an incredible experience and I will never get enough of him, but there are times when we enjoy other people, he enjoys watching me and I enjoy watching him, just understand that there are things that are just between the two of us, things that we do to each other that we wouldn't do to other people because they are special to us. Neither of us bring anyone into the bedroom to gain confidence, we just enjoy the pleasure it gives to one another. He will always be enough for me and I can take it or leave it. Because I know there is always going to..cont

Be something new or a new toy or new move to try and he is the only person I want to do that with.

Funny how I have read this enite post and it sounds like swinging is like being gay or a lesbian. LOL!!! Either way I'm open to both of them. No judgement from me Clare and Ebony, I wish I could be like you!

@Trina- well said! I was trying to explain exactly what you said, though you are far more eloquent! Thank you!

@Mrs WFL- thats so funny!

@jamie- totally understandable, having someone cheat on you (esp a husband) would really make it hard to trust again. I totally agree there are things that seem fine if i bring it up, but if he did i'd slap him silly lol

Lol stankamonsta! i was going to ask you if there are a lot of swingers in the lesbian community...i know two couples of gay men that are swingers, but none of the lesbians i know would dare try it...interesting parallels in our lifestyles

Clare--Thanks, I was trying to be as tastefull as I could, usually I am a little more well alot more blunt, lol.

I am usually a little more well alot more blunt as well lol - so I think I will stick to the wedding related posting to keep things tasteful as you put it

I want to know how you keep from getting jealous. lol. I have had a threesome with FH, with one of our friends, and it wasnt so bad. But, I get extremely jealous. I dont think I would be interested in the lifestyle, but maybe having a girl every once in a while isnt so bad, being that I like it, and FH doesnt do anything unless I ok it. You and FH have never gotten jealous during the process?

My FH and I have never gotten jealous. For me I see it as an act, we are just doing something that pleases ourselves or someone else. And as far as sexually jealous (performance wise) well I know for a fact that no one else that he is ever with will be better then me. Please don't take it that I am consieded (sp) but we have a bond and as long as you have that bond with you FH no one will ever compare to the way you two are able to please each other.

The truth is you have to be very open and honest, if you see something he does that you don't like tell him, and the same should go for him. Never hide any part of the lifestyle between the two of you, and if you do that is when the problems will start and jealousy will begin.

Hmm..I don't think I ever could. I am not sure where it came from but sex is very sacred to me and I wouldn't want to share it with anyone but my FH..I made him wait 3 years after we started dating..again not sure why. I didn't think it was bad or anything..I honestly was terrified of getting pregnant when I wasn't ready and didn't trust birth control haha.

I have some friends who have open relationships etc. So I am not judgmental or anything..I sometimes wish I had more control over my sexuality but I think that will come in time with my FH as we are still pretty new to learning about each other and we seem to be evolving sexually together which is wonderful to experience.

All the power to ya if you can though

Interesting... My Fh and certainly not swingers, like another bride stated I'm in no place to judge you or anyone who are especially since I got my own issues and faults that I'm working on but there are a few questions I'd like to ask though? Maybe getting some answers will help me understand 'cause I've always wondered.

why do anyone in the lifestlyle want to get married? what is marriage to that person? Where does the origin of marriage come from (I guess who invented it)? How did said person define marriage and the instructions given also for marriage?

I'm just curious and I guess I coulb be categorized in the lower bottom who do not support this lifestyle. I guess I'm "close minded" and "catty" etc... as mentioned in several posts,

Hebrews 13: 4 says who can judge us for that, only HE, so be safe.

@Mrs Potts -I agree with Trina on the jealousy thing, it just doesnt really come up bc you know no one can do what you do for your man, and you'll quickly realize its just good old fun sex, nothing more. The best way to avoid jealousy is to be really sure you are BOTH EQUALLY into it- and both comfortable with it. You can totally set your own rules and boundaries, if you want to experiement with a girl go for it, just be sure both of you are ok with the boundaries you set, and that she is aware of the rules.

You guys have a good point. This whole thing is very intriguing. lol. I enjoy being with girls, but from what I have seen (like in movies, so probably not completely true) would make me insanely jealous. haha. I do not like to share, but FH doesnt have a problem if we invite a girl into the bedroom, which I do not believe is "swinging". What I have heard is that basically partners switch partners with another couple, and go separate ways. However, I am unsure of the truth behind that. Is this true? Im sorry I am asking so many questions, but I am just very curious.

@Sherley- again, swingers aren't some crazy breed of deviants, we're normal people who want marriage, kids, and a house with a yard and a dog, just like everyone else. Marriage is just as sacred to us as any traditional couple, and we love each other just as deeply and take that committment very seriously. To me marriage means a lot more than just swearing off sex with everyone except FH. A lot more.

Sherley--I don't think you are being "closed minded" or "catty", I would rather sit here and answer questions all day about the lifestyle and my experiences then have people call me names and tell me I am going to hell because of my life that I choose to lead.

My FH and I want to get married because we love each other, the same basic reason's anyone else wants to get married. FH and I have choosen to be in this lifestyle, and that is completely our choice. However when it comes to our marriage vowes, I expect him to follow them just like he would expect me to follow them. Now just because we have sex with other people doesn't mean we are cheating or not honoring our vowes. Now if he starts sneeking around and lieing thats a whole other story. I have told him from the very begining that honesty is number 1, and we have set the rules for our relationship from the very begining. We both know what is okay and not okay when it comes to our relationship.

No problem Mrs Potts I'm happy to answer questions. This is a common misconception, swingers today dont really throw 1970s key parties and pair up and go their separate ways. No way would we ever go for that, that would definitely breed jealousy. Swingers today have orgies in groups with one or more other couples. Its a LOT more fun. Some swingers just like to do it with their significant other in front of people. Sometimes just the girls hook up and the guys watch. Generally everyone is present, involved, and having a good time. That's how you avoid jealousy.

@ Clare C. - I just sent you a PM