Swingers?

If a husband and wife choose to explore sex outside their own bedroom - that's entirely their choice... but I can't imagine that it's not without its risks. If sex is just "sex" and there's no emotional attachment to it anymore - what makes it so fulfilling? (Just curious)

Clare-- love this post. best. ever. just a quick question.. when you and your husband decided to start swinging, was that the first time either of you had done that sort of thing.. with the same sex?

I think if you are both already in the lifestyle you should continue if you have been okay with it. Me and my FH are not. However I was with my ex husband! I just got to the point where I was kinda selfish and I really did not want to share. its totally a cool lifestyle and the people are great. good luck!

First and foremost, please do not take this as a condemnation or judgment. I just need to clarify some history and play devil’s advocate. I am 50 years old and have lived through the sexual revolution. I don’t judge.

Clare, You wrote “Most women have some sort of predisposition towards bisexuality.” Can you kindly give me some links to studies, especially numbers that justify the use of the word, “most”.

Magination....Let's take creationism out of the equation. I do believe your history is a little off. There is ample evidence that worship of a deity or deities and some form of marriage both existed prior to written history. Marriage was not a requirement of the deity worship. In some of these early examples of marriage, fidelity was part of the agreement for women. During Chinese, Greek, Roman, and Egyptian, cultures there was both organized religion and defined marriage, again not related. (Condt'd)

Actually, it became interrelated when the Egyptians enslaved a people called the Israelites who worshiped one deity called God. When the Israelites were freed from bondage, the 10 Commandments were handed down. It was sort of a list of rules that this single deity wanted people to live by. One of those rules prohibited adultery. All of these statements are facts in history which are backed up by anthropological studies.

It is up to the individual to decide if they want to worship God. It is also up to the individual to decide whether they believe in the commandment about adultery.

My question to the swingers....does the word faithfulness come to play in your vows at all?

For the record, I won't swing, not because it is against the rules of my organized religion but because I don't like to share and neither does my FH.

Very well put Carole B!

People are free to believe what they want to believe, but they should at least realize that the act of getting married had applications outside of the church.

And yes Carol, I mentioned in my post I was speaking of the romans and greeks. I'm not pretending to know enough to go into full detail about every civilzations marriage rituals from the begining of time. I was just giving her an example because she was kinda implying religion is the only reason people get married.

Clare I love that you put this post out. Its nice to see how open everyone is being. Way to go WW!!!!

Double post sorry

Hey if you like swinging and are ok with it keep going. Enjoy your life. You only have one. I have no problems with people who do it and I have relationships with women outside of my marriage. My husband doesn't care because he is the one I married and come home.

Some people will ask you or even say they don't understand how you could want to get married if you are going to be messing around with others or that marriage is for two people.

Honestly, and I will try to find the book title... monogamy is not for humans which is why a lot of people find the spark gone after some time unless they spice up their love life... whether with others, toys, etc. It usually leads to one or both being miserable and/or divorce.

~Oh and random note based on things I read I think here...NOT all women are bisexual. I think there are 'lets get attention' bisexual women and women who are truly attracted to women and men. ~

@ Carole -- Faithfulness to me means that we are being true to one another, that we are being honest to one another, and that we are being open with one another. I know that if FH or I started sneaking around, lieing or hiding things that we were not being faithful to our vows and to each other. As long as we both know what is going on with the other person neither of us is being unfaithful.

@ Merideth -- You mententioned if sex is just sex then why is it so fulfilling? Please understand that I am going to speak or type very personally right now, nothing that I say should be applied to anyone else. For me sex is just that sex, it is an act between two people that want to be pleasured. I hold no emotional attachment to any one I have sex with, for me it just sexual attraction. Now I conditioned my self to think this way because of me being raped. I have cut off all emotion to sex what so ever. Now as far as FH goes, he knows this I was upfront with him from the begining...

I don't do the whole cuddling thing after sex either once we are done that is it I move on to the next thing. Now when we make love to each other that is so much more special to me then anything else, the whole attitude and approach is different, there is more kissing, touching and feeling, and that is when I don't want to leave the bed and I just want to lay there with him and not move ever. So for me that is the difference between "having sex" and "making love".

Trina,

I'm so sorry to hear that this happened to you. It makes sense that you would feel that way. I know it's none of my business, but I hope that you've allowed yourself to talk to someone to help you through that. I'm glad that your FH is supportive in how you feel.

Wow this got crazy over night while I was away! Thank you ladies for all of your support and joining the discussion.

I have to ask politely though that we please refrain from discussions on god & religion's involvement in marriage. There are far too many differing viewpoints and I fear this will just turn into a catty battle back and forth about who's religious views are right and wrong. This forum was meant to discuss the swinger lifestyle and to answer any questions you ladies may have about it. I do think however that one of you should start a forum on who created marriage and god/religion's role in it, I think it would be very interesting!

Ok now I'll try to get back to everyone....

@Magination- thank you thank you thank you!!!! she was getting out of control lol

@ Meredith- what makes sex fufilling if there's no attachment behind it? The orgasm. Pls excuse my crudeness lol.

@Randi- yes, when we started swinging we were both first timers, I had a few experiences with girls. We were constantly looking for new wild things to try in bed and thought why not? let's try it!

@carole- i agree with trina, faithfulness is more based on emotional attachment for me. To me being faithful means to only LOVE my husband, and honor and respect him, and always follow the rules we set when swinging.

Merideth,

Thanks, I have talked about it, I understand that it isn't my fault and that I didn't ask for it. But because of it I will always be tainted and damaged toward my views of sex. It really isn't a big deal atleast to me, the only person that really needs to understand is FH because he is the one that matters and gets my thoughts, feelings and views on sex.

After marriage isnt that called adultery? And why get married if you wont fully commit yourself to them and only yourself. Obviously your significant other is not enough for you so why bother getting married.. I dont know of any swingers and hope no one ever lets me know if they are. Why chance it to get a disease? There are alot of dirty people out there.

Trina and Clare....My question with regard to faithfulness was, does the word faithfulness come into play in your vows at all? I didn't ask what it mean to you and your SO. I asked if the word is used in your vows? It was a simple question out of curiosity. Again, I am not judging.

Tina, thus far this thread has been very civil and kind. Your comments are ignorant - did you even read the entire thread? While you may not agree with the swingers lifestyle, and you are certainly entitled to your opinion, you could have worded your comments a little bit nicer.

BTW - being so new to this forum and commenting so forcefully on a thread, you are probably going to have a lot of people jumping down your throat.

TIna... It's only adultery if the two people swinging believe that it is adultery. Obviously, swingers don't. They view it as a part of their sexuality and intimacy. I don't agree but I have a different set of values. Mine are not better, they are just different.