Taking a break from early planning...(mostly venting here!)

Never a bad thing to take a break. You'll make yourself sick with frustration if at times you don't back off. We met with a local florist back in March, Covid happened, but we still reached out in between. She never made an effort to reach out to us, I finally gave up and went a completely different direction (Real silk-flowers) and so glad I did, because I'm more in love with my final product. But all that being said, vendors are less excited about this stuff than we are. So, what normally requires basic patience, planning your own wedding and dealing yourself with vendors requires triple the amount of patience.

Have faith, it will all work out. And don't forget, the US is basically just now really starting to reopen after covid so people / businesses are also just starting to get back in the grove.

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Hi, Margaret -

Yes, you are so right. That's what I have to remember - this is a strange time and I believe I also read that last week was extremely busy for the bakery and the owner/girl I've been in contact with also has a baby at home. So I am still giving her the benefit of the doubt. I know there are a lot of things going on right now for all sorts of people and other events in between, so it's not just me that's feeling this way. Vendors are definitely different in that this is just business for them and for us, this is a very exciting and personal experience. I hope I will receive good news or a reply sometime soon. In the meantime, I'm just going to chill. Glad things worked out better for you after the issue with your florist!

I actually found with several of my vendors, that they will not even give a contract until 1 year out.

View Quoted Comment That’s what I’ve heard from a couple of vendors I contacted which is totally understandable, I guess I’m realizing that planning this far out may not be ideal for some and I’d better just wait and reach out again as it gets closer or even when we enter 2021 🤔

I totally get your frustration. I was one that said to give the bakery some slack with your wedding so far out. I suggested that they really may have just assumed you weren’t that serious about making a commitment so early but it sounds like you did express that to them. So again that is super frustrating. I will say though that I do think holding off on making any definite decisions just yet is a good idea. I think it’s great to do your research, find your inspiration, reach out to vendors to get some preliminary numbers but don’t make a final decision on anything just yet. For me I’ve changed my mind so many times on some of the details. And then, after buying my dress last November, I ended up exchanging it earlier this month which of course made me second guess some of the other choices I’ve made. Sigh. At this point I’m just hoping it will all come together in some kind of cohesive look because I can’t keep changing things again.
I say all of that to encourage you to keep researching, keep pinning, and keep doing your preliminary planning. But do it so that it’s fun and not stressful. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment For sure. During this time though, you can look for inspiration pictures for your decor & dress! And you can research all the vendors in your area, and have a top 3 or top 5 list for each of them by the time you’re ready to start reaching out to them again!

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Thank you so much for this. I think you're right. I am just super anxious to get some of the "core planning" rolling and I reached out early because I don't know how 2021 will be looking with weddings, brides, etc.

I have definitely changed my mind about a few things (the biggest so far being the wedding date) since I started looking around and thinking about what I want, etc. I am trying to give some vendors the benefit of the doubt but it's hard sometimes! Especially since the bakery seemed to be interested in what flavors I like, what designs, desserts, guest count, etc. and even asked if I would like to set up a tasting appointment. It is just frustrating to go over those exciting details only to have the conversation come to a halt. I guess I will see if I get a response at all this week. The only responsive vendors now are the florist and the photographer!

If I get nothing, then I will just stop there and regroup next year. UGH! Lol. But at least I have plenty of time (hopefully) to gather more research and ideas. Thanks again!

View Quoted Comment I’m a planner too so trust me, I get it. But you want to enjoy the process too. I recommend finding your inspiration pictures, finding the vendors you are interested in and then take a break from that particular piece of the wedding. In a month go back to that piece and see if those inspiration pictures and vendors are still speaking to you. If not, you have time to go back to research. If it is still a wow for you then take a step to reach out to the vendors. Baby steps, but it will also allow you to make choices that hopefully will stick.

FWIW daughter got married in pre-Covid times (like by 15+ months pre-Covid) in SoCal in a relatively "hot" wedding market, and there were several vendors who would NOT talk with her too far in advance. The ones I remember include: photographers (one she was very interested in would not discuss a date more than 12-months in advance, so daughter waited for her, talked with her and didn't like her, and then moved on and found her awesome photographer whom she loved and booked about 11 months out); cake bakery (they finally, kind of grudgingly, let daughter schedule a tasting about a year out, but wouldn't actually formally book and take a deposit until 7 months out); florist (she was actively trying to get pregnant, so she didn't book more than 7 months out as she didn't want to have to cancel on brides); and I'm sure there were others.

I'd guess especially after trying to manage through a pandemic for the past 7 months a lot of wedding vendors are really struggling. After D's wedding, I started going to the HMUA as my regular hair stylist, and her previously highly successful business is pretty much a shambles right now. Because of state regulations she was fully shut down -- both for weddings & salon clients -- for more than 5 of the last 7 months. She has dozens of 2020 weddings she is trying to figure out if/how she can meet the brides' rescheduling needs. She's had brides cancel their nonrefundable contracts and then had to try to negotiate with them about what that means. Her family's finances are stretched beyond the breaking point. For a vendor like her, I'd guess that a wedding 21 months from now just isn't as high of a priority.

In the best of times, I think your timeline for wanting to talk with and potentially book vendors is fairly aggressive, and clearly, it's just not the best of times. Understandably, you're super excited and anxious to get things locked down, but for the most part wedding vendors are independent operators/small businesses and they've been through hell this year. I don't think it's necessarily that they have bad customer service or are disinterested; they may just be trying to work their way through the issues right in front of them. As long as you have your venue and your most critical vendors booked, you potentially have plenty of time and you'll probably have an easier time and be less frustrated with your new strategy of taking a break. Good luck!

I hope you will still enjoy posting your inspirations photos and beautiful dresses! Your posts are always such a positive breath of fresh air in a sea of “Bridesmaid Drama” and “How do I Fire my MOH” posts 😂

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much!!! I am definitely going to. I think my choice of dress and my venue might be the only things I can control right now, lol! I haven’t had too much wedding drama (yet) aside from vendor communication issues so I’m enjoying it while I can! 🤣😂 When I get closer to my date, drama may ensue although I’m hoping it doesn’t!

Hopefully they will be more responsive closer to your wedding!

View Quoted Comment Thanks, Yasmine! I hope so as well. Fingers crossed. 😊💕

I could write a whole post about unresponsive vendors. For an industry where client (not customer, client) interaction is such a big part of the job, it's jarring to see how many vendors are so utterly terrible at communication. Example: I hired a hairstylist a few weeks ago. I'm not in the area, so my times for trials were limited to a few weekends when I would be traveling there.

H #1: After texting back and forth (which included us having to work around her kids' schedule), we finally had a phone call. It was good, and she promised to follow up. Never did.

H #2: She replied to my email with a number to text, which I did. She said she was on vacation, could she text me at the end of the week? I said sure. She never did. I followed up a few weeks later, we chatted via text, she promised to give me a call the following Monday. Crickets. (Again, interspersed with her kid this and her pregnancy that, which I get, but...I don't care.)

H #3: We exchanged a few emails and she seemed excited and said she'd pull together a quote. I was talking with another company I didn't want to get booked up, so I told her I needed to make a decision in the next few days, which she replied and said she would. A month+ later, she still hasn't gotten me the quote, and I hired the other company. My (new) date was 8 months away at the time.

Even among the people we hired, I have experienced some frustrating lack of follow up. I am waiting on stuff from people from a month or two ago...since it's not especially urgent, I haven't followed up. That said, I know I've also left vendors on read if there was something I didn't know the answer to at the moment. And most of these places are small businesses, some at least for me are hole-in-the-wall places/people, and for most of those businesses, communication and client management isn't 100%. I pretty much rewrote my catering contract because there was a lot of stuff in there that I felt was missing (and this was pre-covid).

So in general, I would say temper your expectations a bit, especially while your wedding is this far away. I don't have a hard-and-fast rule other than to say go with your instincts and online reviews about whether a vendor is professional and reliable - as well as whether he/she is a good person. We hired people who were flexible and easygoing, and we were not charged anything extra by anyone when we postponed. To me that's worth having to send a couple extra emails.