Taking your Future Husband's last name or Hyphenating?

View Quoted Comment I know how that can be writing 5 names! Lol


Thanks for sharing!

Im taking his full last name, was going to hyphenate it but I want him and I (and future kids) to all have the same last name.

View Quoted Comment I’m thinking the same. We have two kids (my stepson, and our daughter) and they all have his name, so I’ve been contemplating.

View Quoted Comment Yeah I completely understand. If my kids will have his last name, then there’s no reason for me not to either is my thought process. I’m still maintaining my own identity, just becoming one family with one family name through our union.

Well, I'll be the odd one out. I am hyphenating my name, at the very least socially (i.e. I will go by that even if I don't change my name legally). I'm hyphenating rather than tacking his name on at the end because, in my experience, the maiden name kind of gets lost when you do that.

Why am I doing this? Because I want to retain my own personal and familial identity, while also showing that I have joined his family as well. I don't care what he does with his name, but I'm fine with him keeping it because I wouldn't want any children we may have to have a hyphenated name (what happens when they get married?).

I have very unique first and last names (part of why I don't display it on this site) so if that causes trouble for people, too effin' bad. I already have to spell it every time someone needs it, what's another (extremely common) name at the end?

Also (not you OP).......can we not say that what people choose to do with their names is "pointless"? Names are important and someone's choice might very well mean something to them. Please and thank you.

I'll be taking my fiance's last name.

I'm my father's only daughter and wanted to hyphenate it at first but my father and I don't have a close relationship anyway and my first name is unique enough for me to maintain my identity. I also had the idea to add my last name as a second middle name since my youngest son has two middle names and when my fiance adopts my older son, we're adding his current last name as a second middle name. I'm leaning towards not doing this and just changing my last name and keeping my middle name (it is my grandmother's name).

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Beautifully said and I agree

Took his last name. My family n I dont have a good relationship, only talk to my dad n mom because the rest r toxic. Was happy to take on his name

I’m not changing mine. Wasn’t even a debate for me. I personally dislike the concept, & many people I know kept their names (including my own mother!). I also have a name that I love.


I like that there’s more of a push for women to choose NOT to take someone else’s name now, but I also think it should really be a discussion of “what will each of our last names be” rather than one person’s choice. I offered my FH my last name, for example. We also have two friends who chose a completely new name when they got married (a mashup of each of their own).
I also don’t plan on going by “Mrs.” either (I know someone who didn’t change her name but switched her title) because I find it weird that only women have a title that designates their married status.
I fully expect to be called “Mrs. FH LastName” & “The LastName Family” but I’m happy to correct people. In conversations with family & friends we’re both trying to a) show people there shouldn’t be any assumptions about what either of us are/aren’t doing & b) convey our personal decisions about our last names.
The potential future kids is another issue, as I think we shouldn’t assume they’ll have his last name, but baby steps haha.

I'm taking his last name!

Hi Ty!

My FH is keeping his last name, I will hyphenate and our kids (if/when) will hyphenate, too. I was born without a middle name so that I could use my last name as my middle name after I got married (all woman born into our family are like this). However, my parents are divorced and although I love my father dearly, I know because of his alcoholism, he doesn’t have much time left. I’m not even sure if he’ll be able to walk me down the isle (mind you, my parents are almost 15 years younger than my FH’s). My father’s name is the only thing I’ve ever received from him. I’m also the first born and the only one of his children that he’s ever had a long term relationship with and I can’t bare to lose the name. It’s part of who I am, he’s part of who I am.

Other than the sentiment, I chose to hyphenate because my last name is Abbema, and I was always 1st in the alphabet which coincidentally has actually been SUPER beneficial, even outside of school. I kind of what my kids to have the same advantages (plus at graduation, we can watch them walk and then book it👀👀👀).
Another reason I chose to hyphenate is because it’s 2020. I am 100% for tradition; but if it doesn’t fit your picture, then forget it! Why would I leave behind something so integral to who I am and how I identify myself as a person behind? Nah, I’m bringing it with me, haha...
Anyway, I hope this gave some insight as to why we decided on the last names that we’ll have. Good luck with everything and I hope to hear more from you again!
Aubrianna Abbema

I am taking his name!

View Quoted Comment Right! I'm deciding to keep my last name as well.

View Quoted Comment I agree! It's such a sexist custom. Good for you.

View Quoted Comment Many Americans ask that question, what happens if hyphenated kids get married? Spanish speaking countries have been doing this for centuries and don't have any issues. Example: Jane Smith-Foster marries John Brown-Moore. In these countries the bride and groom DO NOT change their name after marriage. When they have kids it would be first name Brown-Smith.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for this input! It really helps regarding advice for when my kids get married one day. I have two friends who both have hyphenated last names who are getting married and although they don’t want children, I feel like they probably have this plan in their pocket for if they ever change their minds. They’re not changing their names once they’re married.

View Quoted Comment Right! I don't understand the logic either.

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Brown and Smith are the names of the individuals' fathers, correct? So it is still the paternal names that get passed on.

I am close to my parents equally so if I had a hyphenated name, I would have trouble choosing which name to pass on to my children, especially as my mom's line has no heirs carrying on the name.

And I do want to add my FH's last name to mine. Were I already hyphenated, one of the three would have to go.

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Thank you!

I'm probably doing what my mom did, and changing my middle name to my old last name, and putting his name as my new last name.