Tea Ceremony

I am still debating the Tea Ceremony. At first I was like a strong no. But then I thought about it and now it is a maybe (no influence from anyone I thought it would be cool to do a fusion).

Tea ceremony is not that complicated in my opinion unless I am missing something. It is basically getting a list of people (from seniority down and groom side first) of who you will be bowing and giving tea to. There is no speech or words to be said. You just have to make sure there is enough tea and someone to rally up the list of people. For example the list might go like this:

Grandparents on groom side (usually it is two at a time)

Grandparents on bride side

Parents groom side

Parents bride side

Uncles and Aunts from oldest to youngest on groom side

Uncles and Aunts from oldest to youngest on bride side

Older Bros and Sisters from groom side

Older Bros and Sisters from bride side

etc

It's not complicated in the sense of the ceremony, but there will be a lot of planning required. We will have to find a venue that will hold our party and has a set up to allow us to place two chairs in front of a long walkway or aisle. The menu will be authentic and that may be difficult to achieve without putting his family to work. haha. We will have two people (our best man and MOH) assist us with the tea pots. A big challenge I am facing is finding a dress to wear. I've gone to some Chinese shops looking for one and their dresses just don't fit my booty. FMIL suggests we get one made in Hong Kong- that's not going to happen. The biggest challenge I am facing is learning everyones Chinese name, order of birth, and maternal/paternal or relation by marriage. The Chinese family hierarchy can be confusing so I'm working hard to get everyone's "place" just right so I don't offend them. Also, we're arranging for a dowry for my parents.

Care Bear- are you or FH Chinese? I can't believe you're getting the option. haha FH parents are not giving us the choice.

FH and I are both Chinese. We told both our parents we are having our wedding at an American venue. I don't think realize we might not do the tea ceremony....haha LOL that is how we are getting the option

Why do the two chairs have to be in a long walkway or aisle? I was planning to put two chairs on the dance floor at our American venue and do it during the cocktail hour.

IMO the menu have nothing to do with the tea ceremony. We are having American food and some of my family members are complaining about that but oh well they will live and it is only one day.

I forgot are you in Chicago I think? If you were in the DC metro area, I know of a shop that sells the Chinese dresses. But for the dresses that don't fit you, can you just get them alter?

Your FH should be the one preparing the list and have it look over by his mom for approval. His mom would know the proper order. I recommend giving that to his to do list. I don't know all my blood relatives by their Chinese names. I called most of them the generic Aunts and Uncles, I have a huge extended family. My recommendation is have your FH whisper in your ear during the transition phase as in who the next couple is.

Hope this helps and let me know if you have questions.

Thanks for the input. For the venue that we are considering we would have two chairs at the end of the aisle and each couple would come down to have their tea. Who knows... I wouldn't be surprised if FMIL has her own idea of what she wants to do.

Good call, I did ask that FH say the names of each family member first so I could kind of echo him if I got nervous. I know them by name, but they will expect to be addressed properly i.e. Dua Cu (big uncle). I'm learning Teochew, but as I'm sure you know, that's a process. We use it almost exclusively at home so that is really helping me.

We are in Lancaster PA but have looked at dresses in Philly only. I will likely order the silk and have one made if I can't find one to fit.

FMIL wants us to meet this week to discuss more details. She is choosing the date based on what days are good luck on the lunar calendar so it will be this fall sometime. Tick Tock!! She needs to get moving on it!! haha

Oh so you are doing the tea ceremony completely separate from your wedding. Yikes I can see why you are stressed.

Good luck picking your date. My biggest headache. My wedding was supposed to be this year but luck wasn't on our side for 2014.

Depending on how superstitious your FMIL, this website might be a good starting point to pick the date:

http://voyager8.blogspot.com/2013/01/auspicious-dates-for-weddingmarriage-in.html

Under the "exception" column, if you or your FH's zodiac sign is listed there then it is not a good date for you. Depending on your FMIL, you might also have to factor in your in laws and parents zodiac signs too. Of course avoid the seventh lunar month (Ghost Month) should be avoided.

Ugh yes! I feel your pain about choosing a date. Our engagement will be over 2 years, thank you lunar calendar. Haha. FMIL is consulting the elders at church about picking the best date.

Best of luck in your planning. Let us all know if you decide to have one. I'd love to see pics!

Haha thanks! Best of luck in your planning too.