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Savvy October 2021

Telling someone you no longer want them in your wedding…?

F, on August 19, 2021 at 12:10 PM Posted in Planning 0 17
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I’ll just start by saying…. Sorry for the long post!
For the better part of 2 years I’ve been trying to make friends with my FH’s best friends fiancé (I hope that made sense 😂)
It all started with FH’s best friend telling him his girlfriend at the time needed some friends and lucky me! So did I! Win win right? We established some plans and it was a bit of a grind to get everyone together (should’ve been my first clue lol.)I really liked the girl I thought she was super nice and cool! From there I would invite her or them to different things and they would often flake. I still tried to get to know her and invite her to fun things or invite them both to date nights because I believe in second chances and I try to be understanding as they have a child. After the last big flake out my feelings were really hurt because I invited them over for a double date night to ask if they wanted to attend as our witnesses to our elopement style wedding. I gave about 3 weeks notice and they ghosted the week of… FH finally got ahold of his friend and they yanked us around all day. “Totally coming” to “can’t find a babysitter” and back and forth. Despite this we decided to still invite them…. A decision I regret. Recently I decided despite everything I should really try to get to know her and not let my hurt feelings get in the way. (Especially if she was going to be in my wedding!) I reached out to her and started a conversation with no intentions of asking her to go do anything. I simply just wanted to learn more about this almost stranger who always flakes on me.A few messages back and forth then she left me on read days ago and I’m just at this boiling point. Of course I feel stupid because I put myself out there and got my feelings hurt again.And also I’m probably being silly but I seriously don’t want her in my tiny little wedding now. I don’t want to have her in my pictures that I’ll look back on or be around her on my special day. Am I being too sensitive? What’s the best way to uninvite her? We probably want FH’s best friend in the wedding still as they’ve been friends since grade school but it’s just a sticky situation. Any thoughts are welcome and thank you!!!

17 Comments

Latest activity by Ellen, on August 23, 2021 at 4:50 PM
  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
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    You don't uninvite her. She is not a "plus one" she is the s/o of your FH's best friend.

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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    I agree with this. But also, it definitely sounds like that friendship isn't going to happen, and that's OK because not everyone in this world is going to be best friends. All you need to be is cordial around her. Having her there is not going to negatively impact your wedding unless you let it. Try to see this from her perspective: someone she doesn't really know is trying to get her to be in their wedding. That's a lot of pressure and obligation from a near-stranger. I would back off and just let things be.

    And finally, it sounds like your future spouse's best friend has been JUST AS FLAKY throughout all of the plans, so I would try really hard not to lay all the blame on the girlfriend.

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  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
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    I agree with both AJ and Maggie. You definitely can't uninvite her if she's still dating your FH's best friend. They are a package deal because they're a couple. Also, these people are just flaky, I wouldn't trust either of them to be reliable from now on.

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  • F
    Savvy October 2021
    F ·
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    Definitely not laying all the blame on her but I’ve tried and tried to get to know her and it’s resulted in someone who is just kind of disrespectful to me. And it’s honestly not my fault she’s a stranger…. That’s been her choice.
    Being as I won’t really being have anyone there and it sucks to think it will be people I dislike.
    I’m sure I’m coming off as bridezilla here.
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  • F
    Savvy October 2021
    F ·
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    I agree they are extremely flaky as a package. Tbh I have a fear they won’t even show up on the day of…..
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  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
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    You don't uninvite her...she is your FH's best friend's fiancé. They are a package deal whether you like her or not. I totally get being hurt that she has not reciprocated your offers of friendship, but honestly your FH really put you in a bad position there with his blind matchmaking, Lol. Stop reaching out to her; let your FH and his friend manage their own relationship and tell him to leave you out of it. Smiley smile Just because they are friends doesn't mean the two of you have to be, and they should both quit imposing that on you both!

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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    I am not blaming you that this hasn't turned into a friendship. You have tried, but these things can't be forced. Time to put your efforts into actual friendships. But you still can't uninvite the significant other of your partner's best friend, sorry.

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  • F
    Savvy October 2021
    F ·
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    I’d just like to say she also made it seem very much like she wanted to be friends by saying “omg, we totally need to hangout again!!!” And other things along those lines on all the occasions we actually did hangout. To my face she’s always very eager to go do something again but kinda hides behind the phone afterward. And never initiates anything….
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  • Yanidit
    Just Said Yes May 2022
    Yanidit ·
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    Obviously I don’t know her but maybe she is extremely introverted. In my friend group half of the girls make plans every single week and the other half only want to see each other once a month or once every couple months. I think with time and years passing maybe you will get to know her more but it seams like for now it’s either going to be a slow burn friendship or just not going to happen. I suggest you don’t uninvited her and just let her be don’t try to force a friendship anymore with her. Remember how she acts is just a reflection on her and she might also be going through things personally that make spending energy on social situations seem impossible.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    She’s a significant other so she is an automatic invite.You can’t uninvite her.


    This is a perfect example of why you only ask your closest innermost circle to be attendants. Asking someone to join the wedding party is not the appropriate time or method of getting to know someone. That applies to future in laws as well.
    You can definitely ask her to step down but it will end the friendship which didn’t exist to begin with.
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  • F
    Savvy October 2021
    F ·
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    With a few days to cool off I’ve decided to just grin and bear it.
    I understand everyone’s perspective of being understanding of her needs but in my defense she’s a hangout one to two times per year person and hangs out only with mom friends.
    I’m accepting we’ll never be actual friends and I’m fine with it and just hope she won’t be in every photo.
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  • F
    Savvy October 2021
    F ·
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    Luckily my very best friend will now be able to attend so it won’t be a matter of stepping down or anything I’ll just have a friend I’ve had for years coming from hours away.
    FH is definitely his inner circle so I will just grin and bear the wedding and hope for the best.
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  • Steph
    Dedicated May 2022
    Steph ·
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    I’m so glad I’m not alone on this. I cut my FH’s sis in law out of mine based on similar issues. As a result, my FH decided to not have any of his brothers in the wedding which I’m not happy about but it was his choice. . My advice is she doesn’t seem interested, so just stop including her altogether. Send a simple message and say no hard feelings but you feel it’s best that she isn’t burdened by being in your wedding and they are still welcome to attend. That’s it. She doesn’t sound like a real friend.


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  • Ellen
    Devoted October 2021
    Ellen ·
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    I wouldn’t uninvite, but I would also invite another couple you guys enjoy being with as well if possible.
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  • F
    Savvy October 2021
    F ·
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    Steph,
    Thank you so much for that!!!
    It really feels good knowing someone else out there has had some sort of similar experience. Your response meant a lot! 🧡
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  • F
    Savvy October 2021
    F ·
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    Hi Ellen,
    This is the new route we’re thinking of doing. Along with just smiling through it lol.
    Being as the wedding is so close though it makes it a bit difficult but I think having a few buffer people would help! 🙂
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  • Ellen
    Devoted October 2021
    Ellen ·
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    I’m glad you’re going this route! You’ll be a lot more comfortable on your day. Many blessings!
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