Terrible Officiant = Memorable Ceremony for the Wrong Reasons

Wow... I am SO sorry That is so upsetting and honestly I would have a hard time talking to FIL/forgiving that. I hope you can focus on all the good things about your wedding day!

Totally warn your FSIL- quietly!

That is really unfortunate. Something similar happened to a friend of mine, her best friends dad officiated and made mention of her and her now husband being so in love they were dying to rip eachothers clothes off... yeah, not awkward at all in front of your whole family and church! Maybe its a blessing in disguise that no one heard him?

So sorry that happened to you! Sending hugs!

You bring up a very, very good point (though I'm still sorry that it's at your expense....) People come here and say, "well we have a pastor in the family" or "my brother in law is a minister and he's going to do it'.

Any officiant should be on a very short leash. All of my couples get an entire script, which we follow almost to the word (with very few deviations). You should insist on seeing a script and have a clause in your contracts that says if the officiant veers so far off that you are embarrassed, a refund (at least) is in order.

I'm so sorry to hear that; that's awful for you.

I hope you'll still have some happy memories about the other elements of your wedding though.

I wish you had floated this idea on the forums before you were married, OP. Maybe you did, but I didn't see it. If you did, but made it obvious that this was happening and it wasn't negotiable, I doubt there would have been anything anyone could have said that would have changed your mind.

I'll say it again -- not for the OP -- but for other brides who have been lulled into a false sense of security fostered by those friends and family members around them who are convinced that this is their moment to shine. Weddings are best served by professionals. Remember, a wedding, for the couple, is a big affair with a huge price tag, and for most couples, their wedding represents the most expensive event they will ever -- EVER -- host. Friends and family belong in the chairs set up for guests. They do not belong in the vendor category. Do not allow a friend or family member -- even if they're really good at arranging flowers, the life of the party, a great baker, a memorable Thanksgiving home cook, or a minister, to convince you that they will do for a friend/family member what a professional could.

I'm sorry, OP, that things didn't work out as expected, but after all was said and done, this man is your husband's father. He obviously decided to practice a type of parenthood that would have worked well if he son was still 11 years old. It's called, "I know best". Unfortunately, dad still thinks he knows better than his adult son, and frankly, that wasn't his call.

Consider this a warning, brides-to-be. Hire a professional.

@centerpiece just as @winter mentioned DH's father has done numerous weddings in the past, he knows the drill. I didn't float the idea of him officiating on the forum because frankly it was one of the few things DH wanted. I thought, incorrectly, that his father would abide by the wishes of his son for the contents of the ceremony. If I could go back knowing how this would go down and do it again I would not have let his father marry us. Though I think for many people getting married it's difficult to tell a parent/FIL that they can not perform that task when they have e

xtensive experience as a member of the clergy.

I only hope that my experience shows some ladies that it your family/future family is capable of ruining a special moment in your life in an incredibly significant way. It would have been worth the family backlash for me to protest, but I thought I was doing a good thing for DH and his family.

A parish minister (or rabbi) may not always be a great wedding officiant.... but Carlyle, you were put in a very awkward position and not served well.

This post honestly makes me so sad because if I was in your shoes, I probably would have trusted him too, if for no other reason than to keep family peace.

But you're married to your favorite person. And while you didn't get there in the way you dreamed, you're married.

Oh dear sorry to hear that

Professionals are professionals when they are dealing with strangers. When they are dealing with their offspring, all objectivity is lost. That's life.

Listen, the point is that a family member doesn't belong in the vendor category. Putting a "professional" father in the officiant category wasn't just asking for a "Father Knows Best" wedding ceremony -- it was practically inviting him to write the script of his choice. How sad. The biggest issue ANY family should be facing as they enter your wedding is making sense of that silly "Pick a seat, not a Side" chalkboard admonition (they're picking a side...period). Never, never, never ask a family member, especially a parent, to see the couple as two average adults -- independent individuals with credit scores, careers, and checkbooks. In truth, they will see you as their babies -- the outgrowth of something into which they invested their lives and their income. Actually, it's unfair. They can't do it.

Your wedding day? It's the last big opportunity they'll ever have to cement their values into the lives of their children. You should have been treated with nothing less than the utmost deference and respect...instead, you saved hundreds of bucks and used dad, or FFIL, and as has been explained time and time again on this forum, you were treated as the girl who married the guy with the father who knew best. You (and your husband) may have inwardly raged as his dad performed a wedding ceremony that made dad, mom, and whomever else happy, but let it go. You're married.

At this point, you're a cautionary tale. Use professionals. Use professionals. Use professionals. Use professionals. Use professionals. Amen.

I'm with everyone else on my regrets for you, and with Jessi-- sooner than you think, this will be funny, I promise. Just hang in there.