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Beginner February 2019

Terrible trial, massive headache from updo

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Leslie, on January 5, 2019 at 8:55 AM

Problem 1: So I told the hair dresser (who is a master stylist and said she does wedding updos all the time and has for 13 years) that I needed a style that would get my hair off my neck and back because I get so hot all the time, but that it needed to be a loosely pinned style because I'm prone to migraines.
I showed her this attached picture as an idea, and she said "love that!" and got to work. What she gave me wasn't even remotely close to that, and when I politely said that when she showed me, she said "Well your hair is really fine so we can't do that." (see other picture for what she did). Why wouldn't she have just told me that upfront, or when she realized she couldn't do it? And she kept insisting that the style I showed her is a bun with strands wrapped around it. I felt like we weren't looking at the same picture at all. I'm a realistic person, so if I just can't do something because of the hair I have, I totally get that. But what I ended up with ended up feeling like I could do maybe something better on my own (and I no confidence in doing my own hair for the day of).
Problem 2: She said she had some other ideas, so we tried three more looks and all of them were using a ton of bobby pins and put a lot of pressure on my head. She loosened it a bit, but after two hours I had to take it out because I got a migraine.
Problem 3: With all my concerns I told her about (there was no texture, no volume, she only curled a couple pieces and jammed the rest in a bun without any prep so it was weird and spiky, and hardly any product used at all on my straight, fine blonde hair) she kept saying things like, "totally. On the day of, we'll ______" with all the things she'd change for the wedding day. But isn't the point of the trial to show me what it will look like day of? It felt very half done.
I'm obviously going to have to go back from another trial (and it's really the only place close that I can go to, otherwise I'll have to travel far and I won't have that kind of time the day of, so I need to make this work with her. She's really nice and based on her portfolio also very talented, but I feel like there's no real effort there for my trial and I was left in the end feeling like I'm just too ugly for anything to work

Does anyone have advice on a loose updo to avoid the headache? And/or how to "bulk up" my fine hair? I just feel so sad right now, and it's deflated my excitement for our wedding day next month.

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42 Comments

Beginner February 2019
Leslie · on January 5, 2019 at 10:37 AM
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You're so sweet I honestly just want to feel good - when it comes down to what will photograph well, I almost don't care as long as I'm happy that day!
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Super May 2019
Megan · on January 5, 2019 at 10:40 AM
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Maybe ask if your hair should be slightly dirty, aka washed 1 day earlier. I know with some people their hair curls better that way instead of it being slick and soft from washing. I wouldn’t be happy with what you got either....if you have to go with her maybe just go in and say “you have free reign to do what you think will look best but it has to be all the way up and not super tight” you may be pleasantly surprised? I’ve found that sometimes if I just loosen my control and expectations and let the professional do what they are good at (this holds true In any circumstances) you may be happier with what you end up with vs them trying to get the exact look you’ve showed them.

Also, you are paying her so don’t be afraid to say you would like a full trial to see exactly how it will look day of to calm you anxieties.
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Dedicated August 2019
Britani · on January 5, 2019 at 10:40 AM
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What about using a soft, light weight sock bun thing to create the bulk and then pin your hair around it to get closer to the inspo picture without adding too much weight?
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January 2019
MOB So Cal · on January 5, 2019 at 10:44 AM
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LOL! I get it. Daughter's HMUA specifically said, we DON'T want you to end up looking like Heidi of the Swiss Alps! Her suggestions for avoiding that were to do a side part and loosening up the braids (she braided the hair, but then worked her way down each braid pulling the hair gently on both sides so the braids ended up wider and softer. Daughter's hair tends to frizz, and with the right products, it looked stunning and stayed put for the full day of the trial. (Also, my understanding is that a trial should really be as close an approximation to the day-of as possible; since you said she's a really nice person, I'd call her and explain your concerns and the stress you're feeling because you left with so much uncertainty, and ask if she'll re-do your trial.) Good luck!
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Devoted August 2019
Ali · on January 5, 2019 at 6:31 PM
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I would look at vendors that can come to you. This lady obviously is not listening to you. Its your day you should be able to get the look you want. Your hair doesn't look super thin to me you could always try adding extensions to thicken it up if need be
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Expert May 2019
Jane · on January 6, 2019 at 11:39 AM
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Wow, she messed up. Unfortunately it doesn't look neat at all. I know you said she is used to doing wedding hair... but have you seen photos of hair that she has done that you like? For trial 2 make it clear that you want to see exactly what it would be like on the day ! Good luck
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Champion October 2021
Maren · on January 6, 2019 at 3:41 PM
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Hi Leslie! Welcome to WeddingWire and congrats on your engagement!
I am sorry to hear about your trial I agree, the most important part is that you feel good and beautiful on your wedding day. Will you have a consultation with her again, regarding this look or a new one for your wedding day?
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Beginner February 2019
Leslie · on January 6, 2019 at 7:57 PM
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UPDATE: I got a last minute trial appointment with a pair of traveling stylists that worked on a friend's wedding a few months ago, and needless to say they did SO MUCH better! I'm kind of in love with them haha. Thank you all so much for your input, I feel a million times better now!
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Beginner March 2019
Megan · on January 7, 2019 at 1:53 PM
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Can you have another hair stylist travel to you instead of going to a salon? I had a terrible trial and I knew I had to find another stylist. The first one I went to left my hair flat and barely sprayed hairspray in it so within 2 hours it was falling out. The second stylist I went to used texturizing spray and hairspray and my hair didn’t budge! Unfortunately both used tons of Bobby pins! I would go more simple if you don’t want Bobby pins. Good luck!
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Beginner March 2019
Megan · on January 7, 2019 at 1:54 PM
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Oh good!! It looks fabulous!!!
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Super October 2019
Jenna · on January 7, 2019 at 3:54 PM
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I was about to comment a possible solution but I'm so glad to see this! It looks beautiful and you'll look stunning on your wedding day. Congrats!
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Expert May 2019
Jane · on January 7, 2019 at 4:33 PM
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Wow............ I am so pleased for you. It looks great ! It is so like your photo, so pretty. I love it !
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Expert May 2019
Jane · on January 7, 2019 at 4:35 PM
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I'd love to see the old hairdressers face on seeing these photos !
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Devoted October 2019
Annemarie · on January 7, 2019 at 5:35 PM
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You could consider paying the further away stylist to come to you the day of. It will cost more, but you will be looking at these photos for the rest of your life, and don't want to think "I should've gone with that other, more expensive stylist" every time you see your special photographs and dislike your hair.

An alternate suggestion to the extensions is teasing. See if this other stylist is good at teasing and creating the illusion of more hair. This way you don't get migraines from extra weight. Girl, the updo you showed her is a commonly requested style. If she's been doing hair for 13 years and couldn't replicate it, then she never will, even the day of. Find a stylist that will give you what you want, with no regrets. Put away a few extra bucks each week if that's what you have to do, but don't look back and say "if only"
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Super October 2020
Talia · on January 8, 2019 at 1:40 PM
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Okay! Now that is way better!!! You look great!
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Just Said Yes October 2020
Tiffany · on January 9, 2019 at 4:02 PM
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Hairstylist here, and a bridal specialist at that. I have a few things to say, so bare with me! First off, she definitely should have told you ahead of time that she didn't believe the style was attainable with your hair type, honesty is always the best policy. However, depending on the length of your hair it does look like it could be done with a small padding that we sometimes use to add shape to a style. Prepping your hair with a good blowout the day before with volumising product can make a HUGE difference in the final result. She should have definitely preped the hair with some texture products and some light curls to help the hair move easier. Now with the stylist saying things like "on the day of" that is pretty normal. She is getting a feel for your hair and sometimes slight changes can be noted to that on the day of everything is perfect. At the end of the day only go with her if she is your absolute only choice and you are comfortable with her. You may not have time to travel to anyone else but you could potentially pay to have the stylist travel to you. Many bridal specialists only travel to you, me included. The travel fee is usually not very expensive either and may be worth it to feel confident and stress free on the day of!
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Just Said Yes October 2020
Tiffany · on January 9, 2019 at 4:03 PM
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Disregard my last comment, so happy you found great stylists! This look is stunning!
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Dedicated July 2019
Alexis · on January 9, 2019 at 5:37 PM
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Well if you really want to make it work with this stylist then I would suggest exploring other styles. However, there are many stylists who will come to you and often they have a distance they will travel for free so you would only have to pay for distance on top of that. It may end up being cheaper than you think. Explore craigslist, Facebook, or even google for stylists willing to travel. Where are you located? Because honestly, it sounds like this stylist is making more excuses when she should be helping you to find the perfect look that will work for you.
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Just Said Yes July 2022
Megan · on October 31, 2021 at 3:37 PM
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I have no idea if you'll check a thread this old, but I'm going through the same struggle with hair for my wedding right now and am looking online for solutions! Was your second trial successful in NOT giving you a headache? I also have a sensitive scalp and am prone to headaches. I'm trying to find updo styles/techniques that will avoid a headache.
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Dedicated May 2022
Steph · on November 11, 2021 at 10:47 PM
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I also get bad headaches whenever I have my hair up for an extended period of time. Unfortunately, most updos are done with pins. To alleviate the hair ache, lift your hair up in your sleep every night for a month. (Not tied up, but instead of it being under your head, drape it up and over your pillow) this will get your scalp used to your hair being in other directions and make it a bit more tolerable. Also, if your hair doesn’t get very oily at the scalp I suggest not washing it for at least 2 days before your wedding. A light dry shampoo and good hairspray will thicken it up and make the style much easier to accomplish.
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