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Katie
Devoted November 2017

Thank you note to ex-aunt who wasn't invited

Katie, on December 24, 2017 at 3:07 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 17

So, this is very much on me, and I need some help with trying to overcome this faux pas. My aunt and uncle separated in the last two years. I invited my uncle and their two kids (my cousins) to the wedding...but didn't invite her. We aren't close at all (I have only been around her/met her a handful of times because they lived abroad for most of their marriage) and I let that and their separation sway me away from inviting her (I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have been able to come anyway, but that's not the point). It was clearly a dumb move, but I can't change it now. She sent us a brief but sweet card and a check. We of course will be sending her a thank you note, but my question is whether (and how, if so) to address the lack of invitation. I feel like my options are either to address that and apologize or just completely ignore that whole fiasco and just say thank you and hope you're well. Anyone have advice for this awkardness?

17 Comments

Latest activity by Beth, on June 24, 2019 at 2:01 PM
  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
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    I wouldn’t address it. When I separated from exH, I no longer believed I’d be invited to family events. I don’t think it’s a faux pas that you didn’t invite her.
    • Reply
  • Shelby
    Devoted September 2018
    Shelby ·
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    I wouldn’t address it either. Just a nice thank you should do
    • Reply
  • GoodMOB
    April 2018
    GoodMOB ·
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    I don't think it's a faux pas. Write a nice thank you note, and wish her well.

    • Reply
  • C
    Master July 2018
    Cuoghi ·
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    I wouldnt address it.
    • Reply
  • Susan
    VIP December 2017
    Susan ·
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    I don't think it's a faux pas and I wouldn't say anything. Just send a nice thank you wish her well, and let it go. g
    • Reply
  • Shanee and Brian
    Expert July 2018
    Shanee and Brian ·
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    Just say thank you and let it be.
    • Reply
  • Melissa
    Master March 2018
    Melissa ·
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    No need to address it. Just say thank you and move on. I received some gifts from old co-workers who also weren’t invited. I just expressed my gratitude and moved on.
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  • H
    November 2018
    happeningmom ·
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    Send a thank you card. You owe no explanation. She went above and beyond as she wasn’t invited but still sent a gift. Say thank you and that’s it.
    • Reply
  • Shortandsweet
    Dedicated January 2018
    Shortandsweet ·
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    Her gift was an acknowledgement of your engagement. Nothing left to address. Perhaps write an extra nice thank you note, but that is all you need to do
    • Reply
  • BrittyT
    Beginner September 2018
    BrittyT ·
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    If I were her, I wouldn't have expected to be invited anyway... but that wouldn't mean I would be less happy for you! I would just thank her and leave it at that 😊
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  • E
    Savvy September 2017
    Erika ·
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    I had a very small wedding about 40 people and I come from a large family which ment I didn't in
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  • Alforev
    VIP August 2018
    Alforev ·
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    I think it would be awkward to address that. Thank her without mentioning the invitation and move on. Maybe make the effort to talk to her every now and then because she obviously did care enough to do that.
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  • stephanie
    Super October 2017
    stephanie ·
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    My family has a handful of divorced people (including my parents) and those who are separated/divorced don't expect to be invited to family events.

    You will probably receive a few gifts from people who aren't invited, because a lot of people are nice and want to acknowledge or celebrate with you even if they aren't close enough to be on your invite list. Just thank them graciously.
    • Reply
  • Orchids
    Master March 2018
    Orchids ·
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    I agree with PPs, a nice thank-you for the gift is all that's needed.

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  • Future Mrs B
    Super July 2017
    Future Mrs B ·
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    Just send a thank you for the card and let it be at that. I'm sure she sent it out of generosity not for any other reason. If the card was sweet, she was just being kind.
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  • Beth
    June 2019
    Beth ·
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    If she was upset she would not have sent anything. Get over yourself and simply send her a nice thank you!
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