Thank you's (warning - long and wordy)

First I would send them ASAP. I hate when people wait to do them (aside from being on their honeymoon). Guests took time out of their busy lives to celebrate with you, the got hotels and new clothes and their nails done. The least you can do is send a person, handwritten and TIMELY thank you. We had ours out 2 weeks after we were married.

Secondly I can see how it's kind of passive aggressive to get a "thanks for coming" note. It's like "thanks for coming by you didn't give us a gift"

So do we not send thank you's to anyone who didn't give anything, even though that was our request? I've honestly never been so indecisive or unsure in my life!

And thank you, yes, they will definitely be handwritten and will go out next week.

I sent cards to everyone. I wrote that we were so thankful that they were present and shared our special day with us. I mean, I said a version of that to everyone. If they didn't give a gift, they didn't get the line thanking them specifically for the gift.

I would still send a card to those that gave no gift.

I agree! I'd still thank people for coming and word it like "we were so happy to see you" or something so it doesnt come across as passive aggressive or anything. Plus if they are comfortable coming to weddings without gifts/money after the invites say "dont bring anything!", they will not be feeling sheepish about it.. Send the thank you cards to everyone! If people who didnt bring gifts find out that you only sent thank you cards to people who brought gifts, that won't be very nice either

Like I said, I can see how it could be passive aggressive but my thought is many won't see it that way as long as you keep something like "thanks for taking the time to travel to spend our day with us" because their time is a gift

But some of those people may be sending a gift later on. None of us REQUIRED a gift from anyone so we're all in the same boat as you. We got about 5 gifts after the wedding.

If someone sent me a card saying they were so happy to see me on their wedding day, I wouldn't find it passive aggressive at all

DH and I had a DW clear across the states for 90% of our guests. Like you, we are older, have a household of things so we made a small registry. It was really about joining us in our celebration.

We sent a thank you to every household that came, wrote a personal note in each.

The 'rule' that the reception is the thank you was not enough for me.

I agree that because you asked them not to bring gifts, you are safe to send cards to everyone. Just be careful with your wording and be sincere. The first thing that popped into my head was "Thanks for the gift of your attendance" but that just sounds so passive aggressive. Just keep it simple and sweet

Wait.... you only give thank you notes to people who gave you something physical? I was taught to write them for everything including someones presence or help. As long as you hand write them and tell them how happy you are that they were able to come no one should feel like its passive-aggressive.

I think it's passive aggressive to send a thank you if they didn't give a gift. The reception food and drinks are your thanks to them for celebrating your day with you. My two cents.

I would feel so awkward if I received a thank you note just for attending a wedding, especially if I intended to send a gift later (which is common to wait until after a couple is back from their honeymoon). Proper etiquette is that a guest of a fully hosted event thanks the hosts, not the other way around. You should have already thanked them in person at the reception for attending, and the reception itself is a thank you for attending the ceremony.

I wouldn't feel awkward about sending a thank you to those who didn't give a gift. You asked them not to. Maybe if you hadn't of told people you didn't want gifts, and then sent a thank you to someone who didn't give you a gift, I would think it to be passive aggressive. But since you told people not to, I don't really see it as anything else but kindly thanking them for being with you on your day! That's how I see it.

These responses are so mixed.. I'm going to go with our original thought and send one to everyone. We asked for nothing and although we fully hosted, their presence definitely made our day that much more special. Thank you all for your thoughts and opinions.

Everyone who comes to ours will be getting a thank you...even if they don't give us a gift...a lot of our guests will be traveling from out of town so it's only nice/courteous to send everyone a thank you. Can't wait for those hand cramps!

You may have the odd person who finds it passive aggressive, but honestly I don't think in your circumstance most will. Go ahead and send them, and send them soon!

I think its rude to send a thank you to someone who didnt give a gift when that wasnt your request.

But since you specifically said no thank you - i think its fine.

I might be wrong but it feels okay.

Disclosure- too much to drink

Thank everyone, not just people who gave you specific gifts. They still took time out of their day to spend it with you celebrating.

Hey date twin! We head home from our honeymoon tomorrow so will have to get on this once we sort through everything. We're also older (38 and 41) and did not register anywhere. We were sort of surprised by the quantity of boxed gifts though - no clue exactly how many or what's in there since we left for our honeymoon the next day.

For our luncheon in lieu of shower, I went ahead and wrote cards for everyone regardless of whether they brought a gift because almost everyone traveled to be there. But that was only like 20 cards...

I think its very thoughtful to send a thank you to everyone. Maybe you should stop discussing this situation with your friend.