My fiance and I are getting married February 2020 and we are both from giant Italian families. For the last two years of our relationship we have spent holidays separate from each other but this year, now that we are engaged, we would like to spend them together. We both want to share holidays and my family wants the same thing as well. It's kind of the expectation that once you are engaged you begin spending holidays together.
My fiance's family is much more traditional Catholic Italian...they cannot fathom doing anything like holidays, etc. outside of marriage. They feel like they failed to raise my fiance correctly because of this holiday debacle. They can be very stubborn....and now as it works out I am going to be spending Thanksgiving with them. So even though we care and love each other (I do really love his family) now I am a sort of a reluctant guest.
My father will not look at my fiance favorably if we decide to not spend the holiday together, especially when I told him that we would after he asked me about it multiple times. Either way we are losing, we anger one side or the other. We just want to share a special day with each other, to share a meal with family and enjoy everyone's company. Why does this have to be a bad or immoral thing? I already have an expensive ring on my finger- do I really need to wait another year and half for the other one?
I don't want to disappoint either side, I do not want to offend someone's beliefs, but this is what my fiance and I want. We want to be together on Holidays and his family can't stand it. I know we should stick to our guns but I'm having a hard time trying to deal with my first holiday away from my family as well as being some form of an uninvited guest. I'm not looking forward to any holidays now- it just feels like it all has been tainted by my future in-laws' distaste.
Is there any advice I could get? Has anyone else ever had to handle a situation like this?
