The 5 stages of grief...

Hi Kristin,


I know EXACTLY how you feel. My fiancé & I moved our date just a tad & I have a family member being negative saying “it’s still not going to be clear” “so & so can’t be around people”. My fiancé also has a lot of family coming from NY (where he’s from), so she brings that up too & then says “oh what about this date , I think this is cute”. Not to mention she’s been my most difficult bridesmaid, but unfortunately she’s family. I’ve just learned to by pass the negativity & keep my head up. My really good friend reminds me that the most important part is starting a new chapter with my love!
Hang in there & keep your head up!XOXO,Erica

September 18th bride here - reading your post I could have wrote your exact words. We decided to postpone until 2021 and I’m shocked at how many people kept telling me things like “why don’t you have a zoom wedding”, “what’s important is that you have each other”. First of all, yes I know what’s really important is that my family, friends are safe. It’s the whole reason we decided to postpone. That doesn’t mean I don’t get to be upset. And while I’m sure there are plenty of people who would be happy getting married and streaming their wedding, I’m just not one of those people. I want my family there. Both me and my fiancé moved to the city we live in now and our families are across the county. So it’s not even like I can “just have a small wedding” without asking family members to get on a plane. Trying not to be angry but that’s also the emotion I’m experiencing. Can’t people just say “damn this sucks for you I’m so sorry” and leave it at that?

I have been going through basically the exact same grieving process you described. My wedding was supposed to be on April 4th. In Michigan, the state shut down 2 weeks prior to our wedding date, so everything was done except for a few minor details. I felt like we had our wedding ripped away from us. At the time, we rescheduled for July 4th, thinking that things would calm down enough by then. I was so angry because I don't want to share our wedding day with a holiday, and we are just ready to be married, but it was the best option out of a list of options we did not like. I had to avoid thinking about the day at all because I would feel sad and angry that the wedding we planned and wanted was being ripped away. We had no choice, no say, in anything happening to us. Family and friends would always try to point out something positive, not realizing that made it feel worse. It almost comes across as, "Stop being sad. Your lives will be fine." Ultimately, I know in 50 years it won't matter when or how we get married, but it does suck that we are not able to do it in a way that we are happy with. We just decided this week that with things still so uncertain in Michigan, it will be incredibly unlikely for us to be allowed to have 100 people in one space by July 4th. We aren't in a position to just postpone the entire thing for a whole year. We have already been engaged for a year and a half officially and were talking very seriously about getting married for most of the year before that. We are ready to be married and start our family. The waiting and uncertainty is causing so much anxiety and negativity that we are trying to find a way to do a virtual ceremony and have a party next year. I'm still not really ok with this either, but it is better than living in a constant state of anxiety.

Thank you for validating how you feel, for a selfless person like you sound to be, that is MOST important. My wedding is in October and I went through the same denial stage in March. I feel like no one can truly understand the pain we are going through because people, especially those who are experiencing blows of COVID indirectly (only seeing and believing everything they see on the news and social media) have become quick to judge. The effort and emotions that has been put into planning plus the uncertainty has been traumatizing. Like you, I also try to find light in the darkest situation. But because of all this, I remember even questioning my worth, am I not worthy of the wedding I had envisioned? I refused to postpone and settled with the thought of a cancellation because when can we sit down again and not think, “what if a pandemic comes while I’m wedding planning again?” As of now, my wedding is happening as planned. This year has not been the best for many, we all have pain, there is healing to process and everyone deserves that. Even those who plan on celebrating their most joyous occasion amidst a pandemic. Sending much love and happiness to you all! 💜💚

I know how feel and can relate as we have had to postpone our wedding a few times and now we also have to redo the visa process but the places are not open. It is frustrating and aggravating. It has gotten to a point that I am working on wedding things for something I don’t even know when will happen just because I am trying to deny all going on and live in a delusion of hope

I really appreciate this post. After postponing, I felt like I was suffering in silence because everyone else, while sympathetic, are relieved. When I had to update my date on the site and watched the countdown clock switch from 60 days to 460 days, it hurt me so badly.

My fiancé had long stopped planning. (In fact, I was a little angry because he'd 'given up' in a sense while I was still making centerpieces and contacting vendors, etc.

For everyone else, it was just a day that's getting pushed back but it's been two years of working, dreaming, and planning.

I thank you for your post. It helped to see so many people that are feeling the same.

THANK YOU for this post. I am also going through the stages of grief. Every day it's a different emotion. Yes, marrying the love of your life is most important but I can't help but feel so upset. I have been dreaming and waiting for this day since I was younger. I know for some people, they won't understand because a wedding isn't that important to them. Or some people say "so what's the big deal? You just have to postpone another year. A year is not that long". We have already been engaged for a year, which already upset me because I never wanted that long of an engagement. The thought of being engaged for 2 years and having to wait 2 years to start my life with my fiance hurts me inside. My cousins who are my bridesmaids have been so negative during this whole situation. They keep saying I'm crazy for trying to hold hope and that I should have postponed to 2021 back in March. That I should just cancel the wedding and put the money towards a house. What they don't understand is that we are $30k deep in nonrefundable deposits.. it's not that simple. My hear aches for every bride who had to postpone their wedding and for those who are considering postponing. This is not the day we all envisioned. It sucks some of us have to "settle" and just have a small ceremony through zoom with no reception. I am grateful for those family and friends who keep their opinions to themselves and say things like "Let's just hope everything gets better. We are keeping our fingers crossed!" But for those negative guests who give their unwanted opinions... it's so hurtful to hear. I don't think anyone truly understands what this is like unless they are in this position.

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OMG YESS!! My cousin keeps texting me saying "so you're still going forward with the wedding..? You haven't canceled yet?" He keeps insisting that it's not going to get any better and that it's selfish to have the wedding this year because people will feel obligated to come and they could get sick. Like yes, I know that. I am not oblivious .. but it's easier said than done. People's words can be SO hurtful. Especially unwanted opinions. Yes, maybe we all are crazy for trying to remain positive and having hope, but that is the last thing we want to hear. All of the negative energy doesn't help. I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I pray we can all have our weddings!

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Omg yes!! My biggest fear is that our venue allows us to have the wedding in August but we decide to postpone to next year because of the backlash we receive.. and then there's a second wave that ruins the postponed wedding! Then it's like we could've had the wedding in August but now we are stuck between having to postpone a second time or just eloping (which I REALLY don't want to do) . I also want to have the ceremony and reception on the same day so I feel you. I pray you can have your wedding in September!