The Bachelor Party- strippers allowed?

I'm gonna repeat my former comment here, it sounds like a different conversation needs to be had. You shouldn't think your not enough for your FH, You shouldn't be "lowering" your expectations. JMHO, please don't be offended I mean no rudeness or disrespect but that kinda raises my red flag. I'll repeat, respecting you and your feelings Should be His first priority. I wish you the best and only happines in your life.

Wow... I think some people are getting slightly out of hand here. Just because some guy goes to a strip club or views porn DOESN'T mean that he doesn't respect women or he is any less of a man. Sorry to all the deeply religious people out there but humans are animals-- which means we are naturally sexual beings. "God" created us that way so to deprive yourself of that would be unnatural. This in no way means that a man should cheat on his wife or anything like that but implying that your man is on the highest pedastool simply because he hasn't gone to a strip club is ignorant. I think its all about what you DO rather than what you DONT do-- my FH does alot of great things but he has gone to strip clubs (not since we met though). Anyways I digress... just had to get my point across.

Im sorry you think i am ignorant, and im sorry you can see my side of it. im also sorry you cant see that we are better then animals and have been given self control.

I dont think anyone here is saying that going to a strip club means a man doesnt respect women. I am not religious AT ALL I have been to strip clubs with my guy friends however saying a man will do it anyway is a load of bull. If your partner loves and respects your opinion he wont do it. My FH has been to strip clubs before but just isnt into them. Paying someone to dance for you is not anywhere near as sexy as someone doing it for you because they love you. However you should never feel that you are not enough for a man and he should never be insulting you or making you feel that way simply because you are uncomfortable with somethings. As Raven said respecting you and your feelings should be the first priority.

Cant* please forgive the typos.

all i ment to imply was that we shouldnt lower our standards, like what raven said, "I'll repeat, respecting you and your feelings Should be His first priority."

I can see your side of it I just think that it's rude to think that someone is better than everyone else simply because they don't go to a strip club. That's how your last post came off. There are plenty of priests that have molested little children--- are they better than someone who has gone to a strip club? I don't disagree with self-control.... or else I would think that it would be OK to cheat on a spouse. However if you're just there because its your bachelor party and its not something you do on a regular basis I don't see a problem with it. I dunno I guess with the whole Catholic school upbringing I got a little tired of people thinking that because they held different moral values than other people meant that they were better than everyone else

Couldn't agree with Aussie more--- if I was REALLY upset about the stripper thing I would expect that FH wouldn't go there. I'm not thrilled by the idea but it doesn't really bother me much so if he wants to go I say do it, but be good! :-D

Skmason - I hope I don;t come across the wrong way but I fell like I need to be pretty frank right now. Don't let him talk to you like that! Ever! You are worth much more than that and should not take that from anyone. I was in a similar relationship. He was very mean spirited and would say the same thing to me that I was a "prude" among other things as well. Always degrading me any chance he got, although he always said he did not mean it, it was still very hurtful and really pulled me down. I ended up feeling worthless and that I was nothing without him. He did say that to me too. After 10 years of constant abuse, I finally got out. It took me getting very sick and being in intensive care unit for a few days to realize what I wanted for my life. Hun, strippers are not what you should worry about right now.

Its true that a man can have his instinct of reacting to the situation of you letting your FH know you dont want him to go to a strip club. But that doesnt give him any right to tell you the words he did. He is not dealing with his mom to give his childish REACTIONS he is becoming your husband which he should learn to communicate. You are doing your part and you should feel proud of it. I do believe this is more than a thought of strippers restriction. This is your future, your feelings, the respect, and the things love can manage. You give respect to the one you love NO MATTER WHAT! You are beautiful girl and you sure dont deserve receving the words you received. Think TWICE about sharing your life with someone like that. I'm sure it won't happen just once. I'm with Shell and the others about lust, porn, Strippers True it is shared in the bible and those of us whom are religious obey. But this is more than just being in the bible and being Religious. This is about morals and values

OneLove, your post is very revealing. My FH can be so hateful, but he always says he doesn't mean it too. He says that I make him so angry, he can only see red and can't even comprehend what he's doing, which scares me. He says I should feel lucky that he choose me. He has been through a lot, so I want to be understanding. I have suggested counseling but he refuses. He is everything I want in a FH, except for his tantrums. When dealing with someone you love, it is just really difficult to determine when the relationship is worth fighting for and when it has become hopeless.

Oh gosh here we go... this is why morals shouldn't be debated on a public forum. You can be religious and go to a strip club. You can have good morals and go to a strip club. OMG you can even BE A GOOD PERSON.... and go to a strip club. I'm just going to stop here before I say something rude to someone lol

Nab- im sorry that post came off that way, i didnt mean that hes better then you and i, but i did mean to say that he was better then any of my ex's which is why i married him and not them. i would not have married someone that lived a life i didnt agree with, thats all i ment by that, and that we should not lower our standards, as i almost with in my past. im sorry to have offended you or come off as rude.

i hope this can still be a place where we can share our honest opinions and views and although we wont always agree with each other, we can still respect each other.

From what I have gathered...

Good guys have been spotted at strip clubs. The bad guy is the one who disregards his wife's feelings and goes behind her back or in spite of her.

My FH tells me that I confuse him b/c I used go to strip clubs w/him but I told him that he can't have a stripper at the bachleor party. I told him that it was something that we did when we were younger. I also told him that was before we even thought of marrying each other. Whatever those girls do I feel like I can do it for him for FREE. It is a waste of money that we don't have. I honestly think that it is disrespectful and if my FH were to feel like it's so important to have a stripper then that would mean that I am not the one for him. But it really hasn't been an issue. And he knows once I say no it no and don't ask

Skmason, i went through two abusive relationships one was very emotionally abusive and he would say similar things that i just made him so angry and that he was sorry and he loved me he would also say no other man would love me and things. The things he is doing and saying are a big red flag. If he truly loves you counseling would be a good idea. Im sorry to say but I personally think his trantrums need to be resolved and he needs to find a different way to deal with his anger before you get married. My ex used to tell me I was the one and he wanted to marry me and everything. After 3 years and escalating abusive I finally left for good. He too had been through a lot and I felt like if I held on we would be okay. Marriage is about communication and compromise you should never be scared of your FH. I think you really need to think about things before committing to a life together.

Fist off, glad you have enough communication in your relationship to speak upon the topic. Second, his best man is going to plan the party not your fH. 3rd, he respect you enough to talk about it. Strip clubs are so over rated. I plan on having a stripper at my party "What is good for the goose is good for the gander". Enjoy your party it will be all worth it at the end. Relax, it's not the end of the world. And if anything at a strip club he will be in his right mind if any of the strip clubs in your area are like San Diego's. If they are all nude no alcohol served. Half nude alcohol served.

Wow sk, I really think that you should be evaluating a lot more than just a strip club issue here. This sounds like someone who has no respect for you! Even if he says that he does not "mean" the things that he says, the damage is alredy done, and bottom line is THAT IS ABUSE!! Do you really want to deal with that all your life? You certainly don't deserve to. If you are questioning whether the relationship has "become hopeless" I really don't think wedding plans should be the focus, but rather whether you want to share your LIFE with this person.

Sorry if I sound preachy, and its JMO, but girl I have soooo been there. Just don't settle. Prince charming DOES exist!

It could be true that the man who let's his wife know where he is going is ok. but what if she disagrees with what he is doing with good reasons? So in this case, your FH is a bad man? (to what you just mentioned skmason) Then.... what is this gonna do to your plans?

Exactly skmanson. Like I said earlier the stripper thing is actually irrelevant. It's the responses and apparent lack of respect for your feelings that should be your concern. Think long and hard about what's important to you in a relationship and DO NOT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS. You deserve your perfect match just like everyone else in the world.

NAB & Shell, I think you guys both have valid points and opinions, however I don't think it's about being good vs bad b/c of what you enjoy/allow in your life. I think the point is to find someone that shares YOUR specific views & values, regardless if anyone outside your relationship agrees with them.

WELL SAID RAVEN!!!