The Bachelor Party- strippers allowed?

Whoaa Skmason...no that's is not "normal" or even slightly ok for a man to act that way just because he is angry, I don't care HOW angry he is. There is nothing you could do or say to him to make you deserve that. Of course my husband and I fight, it's healthy in a relationship. But I could never imagine him ever calling me those names, just as I would never call him those names. I'm not gonna play Dr.Phil here so I'll stop with just answering your one question: no that is not normal behavior for a man when he is mad at the person he loves

Think hard about the comment you made "he is the man I want to marry EXCEPT for these tantrums" you don't get to marry parts of people...it's the WHOLE package and people do not change when you marry them....actually marriage usually magnifies those flaws. Don't marry someone unless you love every single thing about them. I'm not saying my husband is perfect by any means, but I wouldn't change a thing about him.

NAB I dont think anyone is trying to be high and mighty just that sometimes things that are written come across differently to how they are intended. Some of us look for certain traits in a partner and if not looking at porn is one of them then I can see why they would say that. However being someone who is not religious has looked at porn been to strip clubs and all of that you arent the only person. I think maybe because religion is sort of involved perhaps you are getting a little more annoyed with it then you normally would. Just my opinion and coming from a non religious person.

Yeah I would have to agree with you Aussie Bride-- though I've never been to a strip club! I would have to say that one of the best ways to piss me off is when people use the Bible to try and prove a point. You definitely hit the nail on the head.

Laura K-- I think that even though sometimes me and my FH get into some pretty intense fights, through it all we love each other. I think you are definitely right in that there are certain things that just CAN'T be stood for.

Not a Bridezilla.....I am not stereotyping. That is how I feel in my relationship. There are plenty of good "normal" great people who look at porn. But if your gf/wife/FW is not ok with it, then there is a problem in your relationship.

You may love him. Or you may want to rescue him because "he has been through a lot." Or maybe both. But loving someone is not always enough. They have to love you and respect you back. And he is not doing that. There is a lot more than love in a relationship. May I ask how old you are? It sounds like you have low self esteem and therefore see his actions as ok. It really is not ok. And it isn't going to get better. Letting go is one of the hardest things, its awful. But you will be so much better off in the future. That "perfect" guy you invisioned as your FH could be right around the corner. Nobody is perfect, but someone with this many red flags is not who you want to spend your life with.

Potters-- I actually wasn't referring to your post but I agree disagree with the statement you made above. I think that as long as people were straightforward about it in what they expect from the relationship in the beginning then there shouldn't be a problem with it. I just think its funny other people seem to think that everyone who looks at porn or goes to a strip club is bad which is definitely NOT what you are saying!

Thanks Mrs. Potter for getting back to the topic...i hope to heed what has been said here today. you dont have to lower standards, you dont have to be subject to verbal abuse, you do deserve the best and the best is out there. just do not settel.

Oops sorry I got the posts mixed up... I just thought the choice of wording was interesting that you don't hold a grudge against anyone who views it but then you said that you wouldn't date the "type of person who looks at that stuff". I don't mean to single you out at all-- I think that this viewpoint seems to be shared by alot of women in here. I am just curious to see what exactly this "type" of person is!

NAB I think you looked too much on the word BIBLE than try to see the focus of the advise. Plus this is not a discussion to talk about religion, its a life we are dealing with. Which she is asking for advise. Its up to her to judge what goes according to her situation. I dont want to start an argument but If any of my comments made you angry or something then Sorry.

WOW...I am going to agree with Raven on this..adn many of the other women..you need to talk to him...try and make him understand your feelings and the issue at hand....I seriously think that marriage or even engagement at this point is not a wise decision...Marriage will not fix your problems, it will increase them. You will have children to worry about, JOINT fianances...you need a man that is equally respectful of you and someone who treats you like a QUEEN...the QUEEN your family raised you to be!!! I really hope that you heed all the advice on here and look at the whole picture...

Strip clubs aren't bad...I go with my FH and we have fun..we "people watch" its our entertainment...then we go home..The girls can't show their bottom half, the men can't touch..and all they are wanting is a dollar...as far as bachelor party, we aren't having seperate parties, we are doing it all together..like the rest of our life..TOGETHER.

As far our "fights" we never fight..we have been together 1.5 yrs, which isn't long, lived together for almost a year, and it hasn't been bad. We disagree and we have had one fight..I threw a huge fit, screamed and yelled, and he sat there...holding my hand the whole time..We just never "fight" when we disagree I just tell him my point of view and he tells me his and then we try and compromise..if not we just each do it our own way and see which one works best...thats just what works for us..He never raises his voice he doesn't abuse me, he doesn't do anything abusive...and I am blessed..So please, if you are having this many issues and he is ABUSING you, you need to leave..

Just like the saying "if it is meant to be it will work out..he will get help and coping mechanisms to help with his anger, and you will learn to trust him and know that he isn't going to be mean to you and say very hurtful things...sometimes the things said are more hurtful than any physical form of abuse...

Whatever a couple decides TOGETHER is right for them is their business. If Shell and her husband agree together on their beliefs on this then I think it's great they're on the same page and it works for them. Doesn't mean that it's right for other people. But the point of this post is, whether you agree or disagree with strip clubs, etc.. your PARTNER should respect your feelings...it's not about if WE think they are right or wrong, it's about a couple coming together to decide what they want in their lives together. And NAB don't get fired up about her saying she wouldn't be with "that type of person" cause I wouldn't be with the type of person who is so rigidly judgmental and that's ok too, luckily we all find the type of person who is right for us! I don't think she meant it personally at all and even if she did, it doesn't matter cause you are secure in who you are right?

Laura K-- can I just say I love you without being wierd? Pretty much what you just said sums up everything I have been trying to say but alot better!

I know that many times I can take things regarding religion a little too personally and for that I apologize. I just had my entire catholic family tell me I was a whore when I was 13 over a rumor that I was having sex (which definitely wasn't true by the way). It went on and on and I was essentially grounded for a lonnnng time. I've also lost many people who were close to me in my life, so I tend to struggle with the whole "god" thing. Anyways I don't want to get into my whole depressing life story but I just wanted to let all of you know why I reacted the way I did to the religion concept. I respect everyone's decision to belong to a specific religion. As to what Laura K said-- I would like to think I am a very secure person but I do have my moments. I know that I have some areas I need to work on. Thanks ladies!

With me, I made a request of No Stippers to my Fh and he was in full aggreement. I know he is not the stipper type. Told him we can go together some time and i am fine but not for his night. just shows disrespect for me. i am not even having anything. I may be the DD for him so all his friends can have fun. Also FH will not do it the day before.

I didn't read everyone's responses...BUT if he's never been and really wants to experience this BEFORE he gets married, then i wouldn't begrudge him. if you're up for it, why don't you all go together? we are. but we're just alot more open minded than some are. our only issue will be finding out what club they go to. afterall it's houston, and there's probably over a hundred bars haha.i'm sure if i said no strippers he wouldn't go unless he wanted to suffer the "Jess wrath". and it's pretty bad when i want it to be, but it's supposed to be fun, and it's supposed to be geared towards guys. i'd rather have my fh headin to the clubs BEFORE he married me, than wanting to try and go AFTER our nuptials.heck, i took my exhusband out for his 1st legal drink at a strip club in san diego.but i'm nearly as offended as some are. i worked at a strip club for a week, and not all the girl's are nasty. i guess i see all sides of the "business", so i'm not as bothered by it. i never tell i danced b4.

As far as porn, fh and i both find it entertaining, in a "blair witch production" kind of way rofl. so neither of us really watch it, but again, it doesn't bother me. but if it's something a couple has agreed not to indulge in, then that agreement should be honored. as for "that type of guy", well there's so many types. and sometimes, you get the guy who's done it all and doesn't care for it, or just for certain things as entertainment, or sometimes you get the guy who's never done it, is mildly interested in it, wants to try it and ultimately decides it's a worthless entity. whatever happens, i hope all goes well. wow, this is the biggest thread i've seen happen in 1 day since i joined the forum great topic, apparently!!! lol

I think it's sooooooooooooooo funny that so many of us are with the guys who "aren't into that stuff....it's just for the groomsmen". Hhahahahaha!!! Ladies, they're all into it. T & A wins. Hate to be a downer, but let's get real. The point is, you have to trust your man. If you don't, this won't get any better over the course of your indefinate marriage. Hate the idea myself, but it's reality. Let it go, I guess. The act makes them feel more like men...I think.

Megan I have to respectfully disagree that ALL men are into in because i was a bartender in a stripclub and I saw first hand the business and how different men behave in those environments without their women with them. Granted, many women would be shocked to see how their men actually behave there...but there is such a thing as gentlemen who are there with their buddies but they do not partake at all but to drink and have fun. I've seen them shun the girls and not even bother looking at the stage. One man said to me "This is all so stupid and boring when I have a more beautiful woman waiting at home for me" Loved it! Even some professional athletes I served there who were on the road and could do what they want, most were pigs but there were some that were beyond innocent. I'm sorry that you haven't found one of the guys who don't lie about it

I personally don't want to go to a strip club for my bachelorette party (and plan on telling my MOH that as well), but I know how guys are and I am not opposed to the FI going to one if he wants because 1)his Best man is very happily married and 2)most of his friends aren't that wild/crazy or they are married themselves. lol. i don't find it disrespectful, but i understand where ur coming from.