Skip to main content
ARE YOU A VENDOR?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Isabel
Beginner May 2021

The never ending sister drama

Isabel, on November 29, 2020 at 9:56 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 13
Saved
Reply
Hey all. So if you've seen my last few posts, there was drama with my sister about wearing a dress. I've gotten over that hurdle and have let her pick out a romper matching the bridesmaids dresses. Even after getting her way, I am ready to kick my sister out of the wedding after our encounter on Thanksgiving.


I've been reading up on how kicking a sibling out of a wedding party can be relationship ending so I'm trying to suck it up/proceed with caution on this. But on Thanksgiving, she was nothing but bitter and mean to both me and my FH. She went on a full on rant about how stupid and unsupportive men are and there are no decent ones in existence. Back story, she broke up with her toxic BF, so I get that bitterness. But, I communicated to her nicely I didn't appreciate her saying that because I personally am marrying an amazing man and also my dad was in the conversation so her sweeping generalization was uncalled for. Her response was "Dad is awesome and I guess your FH is fine" while rolling her eyes. Mind you, you might think she's acting out because she's jealous, but I have been avoiding talking about wedding planning because I don't want to hurt her feelings. Additionally, my FH has never given a reason for her to not like him. He has kept his mouth shut and has been nice to her this entire time.
My parents aren't even stepping in to tell her to cut it out. In fact they're afraid of her tantrums to the point where they encourage her bad behavior. It's been a literal uphill battle with her outside of this one conversation as well. Not once has she asked if she can help me out with planning. I've literally talked to my mom about this at least a dozen times and she continues to not listen to me and defend my sister.
Wedding planning is supposed to be fun and I wanted more than anything for my sister to be involved. But it's been nothing but stressful and I've hit my limit.
Any advice on what I should do? Is this grounds to kick my sister out of my wedding? Honestly I would love to maintain a positive relationship with her, but shes making it difficult even when I go out of my way to support her and understand where she's coming from. She isn't doing the same for me and it bums me out.

13 Comments

Latest activity by Natalie, on November 29, 2020 at 6:44 PM
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I don't know the whole story but...it sounds like she's hurting a lot from her recent relationship/break up. While I get that it totally stinks you aren't able to have the sister-sister bonding over your wedding planning, it may be hard for her to put aside her own feelings of hurt at the moment. Do you generally have a good relationship with your sister or has it always been rocky?
    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I'm so sorry. I totally understand where you are coming from. My sister was my maid of honor and she made wedding planning so difficult. She threatened to drop out more times than I can count and never helped with anything. She didn't even give a toast at our wedding like the maid of honor normally does. Luckily, I have an amazing brother, who was also my bride's man, that was more than willing to give a toast in her place. She also insisted on a new dress 7 days prior to our wedding or she wasn't willing to be in photos. I'm the one who bought her the new dress which she then proceeded to accidentally burn the bottom of with a cigarette. It was definitely a struggle with her, but at the end of the day she is still my sister and I would've regretted not having her in my wedding. While your sister's comments are uncalled for, it sounds like she is going through a rough patch. My sister is bipolar which was part of why she made things so difficult. I think you really need to sit down and think about how you will feel following your wedding if you sister isn't a part of it or if she chooses to end your relationship. Will you regret the decision that you made? Also, consider how you'd feel if the roles were reserved?
    • Reply
  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I don't think I would kick her out for saying her opinions. I think it's best for your own sake to just accept the fact that she won't be a part of your wedding planning process as you wanted. Especially because she just went through a breakup and still seems bitter about it.


    I would have a talk with her and let her know how your fiancé and you feel about her comments and that they're hurtful.
    It does suck that you aren't planning how you imagined it though
    • Reply
  • Isabel
    Beginner May 2021
    Isabel ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Even prior to her breakup it was super rocky. I've constantly dropped everything over the years to support her and give her advice but she never does and has never done the same for me. Additionally, I totally have been understanding of why she's hurting and have set aside my feelings to be there for her. I'm just not sure what to do because I'm tired of putting up with this but I'm more than willing to suck it up for the sake of preserving what we have left of a relationship!
    • Reply
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    In that case, as much as it stinks, it sounds like this is just par for the course for her behavior. If you really want to keep whatever relationship you have with her going, I would keep her in the wedding party and just involve her as little as you can. It sounds like this is status quo for your relationship with her and that likely isn't going to change because it doesn't seem like your sister is going to magically change her personality. Decide if you want her in your life, as is, and go from there. I struggled with this with my brother who was physically abusive towards me and I had gone through therapy to figure out how to move passed what he had done because I wanted a relationship with my niece after she was born. I am friendly and such with my brother, but I keep him emotionally at a distance. Our families won't change just because we want them to. We have to decide what we are comfortable putting up with and what kinds of boundaries we will set.
    • Reply
  • RaylaSan
    Expert February 2021
    RaylaSan ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Idk where the misconception of wedding planning is supposed to be fun, but its anything but that. Smiley xd;;


    I would honestly just put my foot down and tell her to cut it out, or she's out of the bridal party.
    • Reply
  • Natalie
    Devoted January 2022
    Natalie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I think the best solution here would be to just not let her words bother you. So what if she thinks men suck? That doesn't affect you, or your fiance, or even your father in any practical way...words can only affect you to the extent you LET them...

    Also let's be real, many of us have been there, she probably just needs some ice cream and to watch Brigit Jones or something. Unless you are marrying your high school sweetheart, I'm sure you can think back to a time you were feeling a bit hopeless RE dating. I can SORT of see why you might take it personally, but I can't imagine if a friend or sister was feeling bitter about men due to breakup, my response being "well I have a great guy"...that's the kind of thing you think quietly to yourself as a reminder to be grateful you've found someone great.

    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    So if I read what you wrote here is advice I would give. First, wedding planning does not need to be with your wedding party. I luckily had some good friends I could ask for opinions but I tried not to horribly overburden them with wedding talk. Wedding planning is done by the couple unless others offer their help. I understand that you wanted to plan happily with your sister but that is clearly not the case. As someone mentioned wedding planning is not fun. Even for the minimony I threw it was on occasion stressful. Do you have friends you can count on for support or wedding talk? I personally think (while you may not want to hear this) that at this point just count on her being there the day of to stand with the other wedding party. I learned who I could share wedding stuff with and who would be there to support me and listen because some would not or would be negative. I hope this does not tarnish the relationship you two have but maybe at a later point talk to her about it. I would not now because she is clearly in her feelings and will go on the defense. I think you know now not to go to your parents for support in regards to her actions. I think at this point it is best to realize that wedding planning can be a stressor and it is on the shoulders of the couple and I would turn to those that will be a supportive shoulder for you. I am sorry things are not going as planned as that sometimes happens with weddings.

    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Master April 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    The boundaries & roles in your relationship. They’ve been established since childhood but you can set new boundaries. Your sister acts this way & everyone else accepts it. You can’t change her but you can change how you react & if you accept it. Boundaries, beautiful! Set those boundaries! I’ve been there with my sister (not to that extent) & her drinking. I’m a recovering alcoholic & every time I stayed at her house, she & her husband would be drunk. I told her most people don’t get drunk every day & I wasn’t comfortable with it. I don’t like to be around drunk people & started making up excuses as to why I couldn’t stay. Finally, after a surprise visit from my son at Xmas (who stayed with her while he was in town), I left to go to our dad’s. My sister followed me outside, telling me that was crap & I should be staying there. Straw that broke the camel’s back! I flat out told her that she & all the drinking that was going on was stopping me from staying. I finally was honest & told her that I’d been lying as to why I couldn’t stay all those other times. I’m very close to my sister & we have a special bond but our relationship took a hit. We’re better & she’s not behaving like that but I still won’t stay at her house.
    • Reply
  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I would give her a warning. Explain thatvyou cannot tolerate that behavior at your wedding and recommend she consider (virtual) therapy.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    People mature at different ages to begin with, and your parents have definitely indulged her in allowing behavior usual for an 8 or 15 year old, to stretch into adulthood. What she is saying, categorizing all men as trouble, is stuff to let float on by as venting, not argue about the truth of the matter. Just consistently ignore her when she mouths off. Don't look at her, don't respond. Do it consistently, and this stage will go by faster. The older and more mature one, you need to learn not to pay attention word for word. Don't get upset by her drama when clearly, no malice is intended. She opens up, and everything but witches come flying out. Don't respond, just let it dissipate in the atmosphere. Clearly, you had unrealistic expectations, expecting a still spoiled baby to be help planning. But that is your job and FI's, not hers. Lots of brides on these boards would be thrilled if their Mom, FMIL, and sisters would just stay out of their wedding planning. 🎁 You got a gift and don't know it. It is nice you accomodated to her romper thing. Now learn to selectively hear, and pointedly ignore garbage behavior, and you will one day be a better mother or caretaker because of what you learned. ... I have 4 younger sisters in stairsteps. You do have my sympathy.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Set up boundaries and put a stop to her behavior immediately. If she refuses to respect you or fiance, she has no business being a bridesmaid or even a guest. Parents need to step up and maintain boundaries and order as well.
    • Reply
  • Natalie
    Super November 2020
    Natalie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I agree with Judith! Obviously your sister is upset and is venting to your family. If you cannot vent to your nearest and dearest, then who can you vent to?! Take her comments with a grain of salt! I also don’t think it’s fair to expect her to want to help you plan your wedding with you. While some people find planning fun, exciting, and could spend hours discussing every little detail, others do not. It sounds like it is not your sister’s cup of tea, and you have to respect that.
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

24 Gifts for Your Sister-in-Law You Can Watch Her Unwrap With Pride
Relatives 24 Gifts for Your Sister-in-Law You Can Watch Her Unwrap... If shopping for your spouse's family isn't your forte, don't worry. Any of these...
30 Comfortable Wedding Shoes You'll Never Want to Take Off
Bride & Bridesmaids 30 Comfortable Wedding Shoes You'll Never Want to Take Off No aching arches or pinched toes here. Shop these wedding shoes that are...
Read more articles
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

Show more

WeddingWire article topics