So, allow me to start by stating that I am a very out, proud and unapologetic gay transgender male. (To break that down for some who may be confused, it means that I was identified as female at birth by a doctor looking at my bits, then later in life, I transitioned to male to live as my authentic self. Transgender is my gender. I ended up falling in love with a man. Gay is my orientation. Gender and orientation are two separate things)
Now, I know that communication revolving around the subject of transgender can be difficult due to the plethora of misinformation, opinions and lack of education that skews 99% of society's perspective on the matter. I have always actively sought to help alleviate those misconceptions by being open to questions etc... and educating those who are curious (as long as the connotations behind the questions are respectful)
*Note: not every transperson shares this view. It is my choice to help try to educate. Please don't assume that the burden of educating falls onto all transpeople*
Now, I am out to most of my future in law family, at least all of the ones that I have met (either personally or online).
Well, there is a particular couple that I have yet to meet. The husband is to be my future step brother in law. Apparently, he and his wife are incredibly conservative. He also is autistic and has major difficulties navigating normal societal cues etc... This awareness of his POV made dealing with this situation all the more tricky.
Suddenly there was major concern and I was told by my future family members that I needed to out myself to him before the wedding to make it so that he was more prepared to NOT make inappropriate comments at a VERY queer filled/friendly wedding. I declined to out myself in such as way, because to this type of person, all it would do is make him obsessively focus on what lies between my legs and not the kind of person that I am and how I interact with people and the rest of the world.
So, after trying to not get upset at those family members who were trying to diffuse the situation, I stood my ground. No I will not be outting myself to someone who will possibly verbally use my uniqueness as a weapon against me at my own wedding, causing a scene that will definitely agitate my friends, family, my fiance and myself.
Instead, I suggested to the concerned family members that they have a conversation with him and very bluntly explain to him and his wife that the wedding will be incredibly LGBTQ+ friendly, and many of the attendees will be a part of that community. As fellow attendees, we expect/demand that they treat others exactly how they want to be treated.
I also asked those concerned family members to explain to this gentleman and his wife that we also value differences of opinion and would respect them greatly if they choose to not attend the day's events due to their personal beliefs.
So, while I believe that I have positively navigated this minefield of blending families, I cannot help but vent my frustrations that I had to deal with this BS. I guess that I just wasn't expecting to have to fight for my own right to exist at my own wedding.
Thanks for allowing me to vent on here, as this allowed me the opportunity to growl like a grizzly bear without making my fiance feel bad about me having to deal with this stuff, or make my family/friends feel that they need to protect me on my wedding day, or make his family feel that they have to protect this particular conservative family member should he makes a poor decision to spew negative opinions on a day that ought to be a celebration of love.
