The weird things people say after you get married...

@ Kris -- My FH and I get the same sort of questions. He's in grad school and I'm currently waitressing/bartending/jobsearching. People are always asking my FH, "So.... what does Alex do when you're at school?" G0dd@mn, people! Just because I have a crappy job doesn't mean I'm sitting on my @$$ all day!

My fave is when old people at work ask me about my life and then try to give me advice. "Ohhh you should get your masters degree, just take out more student loans and do night/weekend classes." Thanks lady, but you can't just up-and-start a part-time masters program at a good school. Plus some of us are trying to avoid adding to our already substantial student debt.

I feel like people give unsolicited advice based on what they did or wished they had done. Usually they're not really, actually listening to what you're saying. Not saying I've never been guilty of doing that, it's just bizarre.

I also get, "Aren't you bored? I would go crazy!" I get that one a lot.

Seriously. Like your life is so exciting or you're so much more productive just b/c you have a job. IDK about you but I've had paying jobs that were way more boring than staying at home. And how bout I ask you how you spend all your free time and comment on whether or not that's boring? I know lots of people who work 9-5, get right into their jammies, eat greasy takeout food and spend their evenings recovering from their day at the job they hate. OMG aren't you bored, I would go crazy! lol.

"how's married life?" Guilty! It's a common question. Get over it.

'are you trying to have kids now?' not the best way of phrasing it, but there is nothing wrong with the question "are you thinking of having kids". Again, common courtesy question. Get over it.

'how fertile do you think you are?' Ok, gotta agree with this one. WTF???

'what do I call you now?' Again, honest question. Some women (like myself) do not change their name, so people need to know!

'wait a little while, the grass is always greener on the other side' Wow. I'll agree with this one. Stop projecting your misery onto others!

I say all this as a 2nd time bride. I was married for 5 years. Those questions never bothered me. I liked them! Except the fertility one. That's just weird!

Now, the really bad one was after you tell people "no, we are not planning on having kids" OMFG. People take that as an invitation to jump down your throat! It's one thing to ask, it's another to judge the choice made.

We just went to a wedding this past weekend where we saw a lot of people we hadn't seen since we got married 4 weeks ago. So a lot of people asked "How's married life?" "Uhh, good only been married 4 weeks, no complaints, wait until we get some time in." One of my friends also told me that I'll be pregnant in 4 months. Uhh, no thank you. My DH is in school right now, not in the cards for another 2 years.

I am totally going to use the "it's horrible, I wish someone had warned me!" line.

I have been asked a million times if we are planning to have kids, and although I just shrug it off and say "we're working on it," it does kind of bother me because I'm not even sure if I physically can have kids, so someone saying "Oh, get over it," well it's not that easy when people are constantly bringing up a painful and personal thing just as a flippant way to start a conversation. It's rude.

Well, then I guess we should never ask anyone any questions ever, nor talk to them at all for fear of "bringing up something painful". Kinda ridiculous, don't you think?

Judith, I don't mean to be rude, but you have to be realistic. Now, I agree that prodding and giving unwanted "advice" and whatnot after the question has been asked and answered is rude, but asking someone who is married if they are thinking of having is kids is not rude. And yes, we've all had painful stuff happen in our lives. And at some point we do have to "get over it". It's part of life.

Edit to add: We can't expect everyone else to walk on eggshells because we have a problem.

No, it actually is rude, and even several people who have asked me about it in the past week, even though I was very polite to them, realized this themselves. Choosing to have babies or not, or even being able to have babies or not, is a very personal decision between a husband and a wife (in this case), it's not up for public discussion unless they choose to bring it up for public discussion.

So I guess I should just go up to my friend who just lost her baby brother last week and ask "so, how are you doing with your whole brother being dead thing?" It's a part of her life, she should just get over it?

Edit, there is a big difference between walking on eggshells and asking overly personal questions.

Where I'm from you just don't ask someone about TTC or pregnancies, EVER. If I see a woman with a great big basketball baby belly I STILL don't ask. She might have a medical condition that just looks like a pregnancy, or she might have just had a miscarriage. She might just have a big belly and be wearing a bad outfit.

Something social, I'll ask about (probably inappropriately, I love me some random TMI to pass the time at a cocktail party) until the cows come home. Not something that pertains to someone's body. It's way too personal IMO, just none of my business.

I think there's a difference between walking on eggshells vs. having some discretion or sensitivity when it comes to certain subjects, like TTC or pregnancy.

That said, I think when I was younger, I didn't have the life experience to understand some subjects required discretion or sensitivity. So I might have asked more of those inappropriately personal questions 10 years ago than I would now.

Ummmm yaaaah, I'm with MK R. and Judith on this one. "Walking on eggshells" has nothing to do with it. It's called social decency and having respect for someone's privacy. Just sayin.

Kris - I agree that you never assume someone is pregnant.

I think we are talking about 2 different things. I'm not talking about strangers, I'm talking about friends. And yes, all my friends are close enough that we DO talk about things like this. Now, if we are talking about complete strangers, that's another story.

Judith - if you care about your friend, yes you WOULD ask how she is doing! That's normal to check in on someone who just had something tramatic happen. And I never said to "get over" what happened/is happening. I said people need to get over being so sensitive about others asking questions. Wow, we are comparing apples to oranges here and it's obvious we won't agree, so end of discussion on this end.

I don't think asking someone (a friend) if they are thinking of having kids is overly personal, nor do people in my circle or family. You guys do. To each his/her own.

Well definitely, I just think you have to know your friend well enough to know their limits. I have 2 friends who have struggled with infertility the last 2 years. One has zero tolerance for discussing it. She doesn't want a hug, she doesn't want a sympathetic "How ya doin," she wants none of it. She acts like it's not happening and we just roll with it b/c that's how she's dealing. The other friend is an open book. We had a long convo the other day about how she healed after surgery, when she's going back to work, when they're going to TTC again, how it's affected their sex life, and what she thinks of her therapist. But that was a private conversation at brunch with 3 other BFFs and we all tell each other everything eventually.

That's super different from rolling up to an acquaintance or not-so-close friend at a cocktail party and being like, "Yo, ey, how 'bout them broncos, and oh BTW, what's happening in your uterus?"

I don't mind if my frends ask, in fact they already know the answer to most of these questions.

It's coworkers who don't know me very welll who are asking. And I don't get offended, I just think it's weird how it has become socially acceptible to ask very personal questions in some situations.

I got asked two more times today how married life was. I responded gracefully obviously (these are work associates and I know they are simply showing their interest in my life) I just think it' funny how the same question gets asked over and over and how odd it is that some questions get asked at all.

Lol Kris 'what's happening in your uterus' !

Kris, you crack me up

People are super nosey, and honestly, I feel like people are jealous when they say stuff like that. Their marriage may be a mess and they are hoping you will join their club.

LOL! I got "He finally made an honest woman out of you" (rude, gave that person a nice come back) and "you are getting on the bus we are all trying to get off of"

"LOL at the wedding reception, I sit down at a table and my uncle asks "so, what's new" I thought that was pretty funny!" Theragirl, I literally did LOL at that! I may have to use your uncle's line at a wedding I've got coming up.

Wow @yolanda "you are getting on the bus we are all trying to get off of" So sad!!!

Haha soo funny!

Being that FH and I are in our early 50's and have 5 kid between us, I'm pretty sure we will be able to dodge the "when are you having kids" bullet