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K
Just Said Yes January 2022

Thinking about canceling wedding due to family drama

K, on June 9, 2021 at 11:16 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 7
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My wedding is supposed to be early next year, but my fiancé and I are no longer excited about it because of his family. His mother has disowned him 3 separate times because of the planning of the wedding and then awhile later just pretended nothing happened. She screamed in my face because I recorded her threatening to physically harm my fiancé and the list goes on, this stuff was non stop for the past 2 years now. This plus some other family drama on his side has put a huge mental strain on both of us and because of some advice from a counselor we cut contact with his mother for the time being. Now a ton of his family is mad and upset she might not be invited to the wedding. Everything feels like more stress than it is worth and we have been talking about canceling the wedding. Even with all of the trouble the wedding has caused I can’t help but feel a little sad that we won’t be able to have a special day to celebrate our marriage with our family and friends. I almost don’t want to pull the plug on the wedding, but I guess it is probably for the best. If we do decide to cancel it I don’t know how we are supposed to do it since we already sent out save the dates. Any advice on this I just feel so confused on what to do, thanks.

7 Comments

Latest activity by Pam, on June 10, 2021 at 6:47 PM
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    The best course of action is set boundaries as a team and go permanent no contact immediately with his mom and anyone who sides with her. This type of person never sees themselves in the wrong so they will not do anything to improve themselves or the relationship they have with you. A restraining order is not a bad idea either because she has threatened harm. Then you and him go elope and invite only your best friends who are supportive.


    Another idea is to go through with the wedding you have planned but remove mom and any other trouble makers from the guest list. Inform security at the venue that mom is not allowed to attend.
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  • R
    Dedicated October 2021
    Ruby ·
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    That's unfortunate. You should still have the wedding you want and only include those who are happy for you. You dont have to send invitations to those you sent save the date cards (they will get the message of being uninvited)

    If you do decide to cancel the wedding, you can mail Change of Plans cards (zazzle.com for ideas). You may want to say you will only have a private ceremony or send elopement announcements.

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  • J
    Judith ·
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    If you would not mind cutting to 30-40 with your friends and family, or whatever, do it. Or cut it very small, but very nice and have it nice and where there will be no party crashers. I have little respect for thilose who will say invite her or we are not coming. They are tellinyou, you do not matter to them. So send them a "are cancelling this wedding, plans in the future" note. But keep close to secret when it will be rescheduled. Anyone who threatened, we won't come if Mom does not, is off the list. Mom, is off. It there are some nicer, invite just them . Do not share the guest list. A new generation of sends is not necessary. Make phone calls, the personal touch, to those still invited. And then invitations. Sorry for the mess. But one family, and friends, are going to be it for years. Plan it now.
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  • Courtney
    Dedicated September 2021
    Courtney ·
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    Definitely do not cancel your wedding. Speaking from experience my mom at times is a toxic person a few years ago my sister cut my mom off from communication. She set boundaries told my mom to get therapy, my mom did and now they are speaking again. I think definitely set boundaries and she won’t like it but if she wants to see her son again she will do what your asking. Please do not cancel your big day on account of her or anyone else’s action. If you cancel your day someone like his mother a situation like that won’t go away it will happen again, unless boundaries are set. For those who are saying they won’t come because she might not be invited. Are those really the people you want there. Maybe they don’t understand the whole situation. I would recommend reaching out to them and speaking with them. Maybe not put on full blast about what happened, but just tip toe and lightly tread on the situation. I really hope things get better, sending well wishes ♥️
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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    Have the wedding you want and don't invite the people that will make it a toxic environment! Your FMIL does not need to attend, based on her previous actions. And anyone that will be offended by her not being invited does not need to come either. Don't let anyone ruin this for you. Invite those closest to you that support you.

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  • Alycia
    Expert September 2021
    Alycia ·
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    You may want to consider having a smaller wedding instead. You do not need to justify distance or boundaries with a toxic person. Don't let someone who is toxic take the reigns and decide what you do, if family doesn't agree that's ok. The people that care about you will show up and support you.

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  • P
    January 2014
    Pam ·
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    I wholeheartedly agree with this! Have your wedding, minus the toxic folks, and enjoy your day Smiley heart Toxic people thrive on making others miserable. Don't let them win!

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