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Just Said Yes June 2021

Thinking about just eloping

Liz, on March 14, 2021 at 9:01 PM Posted in Planning 0 5

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Hi,
So my fiancé and I have been engaged for over a year now. When we first got engaged my mom really pushed for us having a traditional wedding so I went with it. I started planning and all. But after I sent out the STDs I realized that I didn’t want a big ceremony and that it would cost us close to 20k. My fiancé and I rather have an intimate ceremony with 20 or so people instead of the 80+ we currently have planned. The issue with this is that my mom probably wouldn’t take it well. I’m also just generally conflicted on how to send “unsave the dates.” Any advice on this?

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs. Spring, on March 14, 2021 at 10:37 PM

Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on March 14, 2021 at 9:12 PM
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3-20 guests is a micro wedding, not an elopement (which is technically just the couple and a witness) but the idea is still there. Because etiquette is still in place during Covid despite popular belief, there is no polite/proper way to uninvite anyone once save the dates ate sent. You have to send cancellation notices to everyone because that wedding will no longer be taking place. Then you plan the microwedding as a new event with all new invites.
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Dedicated March 2021
Annika · on March 14, 2021 at 9:18 PM
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We had a micro wedding (supposed to be 20 guests but in the end 3 couldn’t make it). It wasn’t Covid related and we wanted it that way from the start. It was the best day and I don’t regret not having more people there. It was intimate and fun.
I don’t have recommendations on how to handle the guest list invites. Maybe send cancellations to those that you don’t consider for the micro wedding? I’m sure other commentators will have good advice.
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Master April 2021
Michelle · on March 14, 2021 at 9:31 PM
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I’d sit down & have a heart to heart with your mom. Let her know that your vision is a micro wedding. Then contact those you sent the STDs letting them know of the cancellation.
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Dedicated September 2023
Meghan · on March 14, 2021 at 9:40 PM
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You should do what you and your fiance want regardless of your mother's wishes. It's difficult, but the options are to 1) stand up and set boundaries or 2) do everything she wants until one of you dies. I like the idea from a PP about sending cancellations to everyone then sending out new invites for a new event. As for what to write... that is really tough. Are you keeping the same date and venue, just uninviting a bunch of people? If I were initially invited but then got uninvited but knew the same wedding was happening only with fewer guests on the same day, it would sting and I'd be confused. I guess I'd say something like, "Due to unforeseen circumstances, we are unfortunately downsizing our celebrations. Thank you, sorry, we love you, etc."
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