Thinking of Postponing the Wedding

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. Some days are rough and you feel like the anxiety just keeps building but hang in there. If this is your dream don't postpone it. Find cheap invitations online no one will care. Do a small cake and sheet cakes in the back to serve so you can cut cost. Everything will work out. Don't sweat the small stuff. Also, I booked far away vendors through email didn't meet them in person (found from great reviews and people that recommended them). Stop making those long trips if you can. Good luck!

Truly first world problems!!!! Be thankful for your blessings and make adjustments. Try this on for size...my real life....mom, sister, brother all died horrifically in August of 2017 and I was laid off from my amazing job that I moved out of state for...however nothing can stop me from walking down the aisle to the man of my dreams. My budget is $10k...which is 7k for the wedding and 3k for a honeymoon. I will have no family there on my side but I am so fortunate to have true love.

Totally understand this. I was becoming stressed and overwhelmed and we actually decided today to push the wedding off until april/may. I immediately felt relieved, I want this to be a happy experience and I wasn't getting that. I reevaluate and start up planning again in a week or two. Best of luck and happiness to whatever decision you make.

View Quoted Comment I'm glad woman are realizing when it's time to reevaluate and make adjustments if they are experience stress and anxiety. The ceremony is mandatory, the reception is not. It is very optional and no one should be feeling stressed out, tired, sick, incredibly overwhelmed, anxious over a reception party, that's completely optional. I pushed my date out with no hesitation and I'll keep adjusting if I have to. I strongly suggest if the above is happening and the whole process is stealing your joy. Get a minister, get married with your witnesses present, go out to eat afterward and plan your big reception party later on at your own convenience.

I completely understand.. we live in Michigan because my FH is from there but our wedding is in Ohio near my parents. I've been dreaming about my wedding since I can remember also, and I've had to sacrifice alot of my "dream" ideas to fit into what my wedding is going to be in 4 months. I was so depressed and thinking about canceling and just eloping, and I realized I wouldn't truly be happy with that. If you would 100% be truly happy with an Elvis wedding and can say you would never look back with regret then that's okay, but when I got real with myself I knew I would never truly be happy with anything that wasn't a "real" wedding. So then I had to get real with myself about my dream wedding and reality and I now I'm very happy I stuck with my wedding, it's not going to be the grandest wedding and alot of my stuff is diy and taking the cheapest route possible with it still looking nice. I also realized when I was a child and I dreamed up that amazing fairytale wedding, it was mostly materialistic things because I didn't know what it was like to be in love, now I'm almost 30 years old and I'm marrying the love of my life, my soul mate, my other half and I see that is the dream. Alot of people never know what it's like to get to marry their soulmate and I do. That is my dream wedding. So I've let go of alot and I've revamped and I think my wedding is going to be the best day ever. So my advice is don't make rash decision and think very long and very hard. And also if you do postpone, screw what anyone else thinks.. anyone whose planned a wedding will totally understand and anyone who has not is ignorant to the fact anyway. And lastly you shouldn't be driving down every weekend, you are definitely making it more stressful than it needs to be, I am a state away from all my stuff and I went down 2x in a matter of 1 year. They were jam packed all day 2x but I've done almost all my conversing with vendors on email or on the phone. My maid of honor is also in another state as well as all but 1 of my bridesmaids. And a lot of my family is across the ocean in Germany so I understand being alone in the planning process. Take it one step at a time and usually most of the time things work out. We also had to go a different route for our honeymoon and on the day I said yes to the dress I was also the lucky winner of an 8 day 7 night Cancun Honeymoon. Things will go the way they were meant to go.. and I've heard from countless brides that in 5-10 years you won't care or maybe won't even remember how the bridal table was decorated or if people liked the food or music or if uncle or aunt who showed up. You will only care that you made it down the aisle and got to marry your best friend. My sister's wedding her ring bearer fell flat on his face and the whole church laughed and it was the most amazing ice breaker, after that we all relaxed and realized we are flawed humans, and had a good time. So good luck👍

Hi first of breathe in and out !!! Relax it’s your wedding you can make as many and all the changes you want on the bright side your the one traveling you don’t have any out of town guest expect for your mother in law and bridesmaids so with that day change the date , you’ll be stressing about it if you don’t just let them two people who aren’t in LA know about it the reason I’m advising you to do this is because iam emotionally and finically going through something similar expect iam paying everything myself and I have a 2 year old toddler , don’t worry so much about others especially if your the one coming to them change the date again if you need to if changed my already once and I’m going to have to change one more time lol so my advice is change it if you need to you can always text email or send msg on Facebook to let everyone know you’ve changed the date or send the wedding invitation out 3 months sooner than the wedding date good luck !!

We can give you our thoughts, so you can carefully consider them, and make up your own mind with your fiance, as to what is best. Here are my thoughts:

1. Limit your trips down to LA. As others have noted, do more via phone/videochat, etc... This may require you to let go a little bit of your sense of control, and trust your vendors.

2. DIY your invitations. That is something that does NOT need to cost a fortune. It does take time, though, but if you can get rid of some of the trips to LA, and use that time to do invitations, you would come out even.

3. There is often/always some level of stress related to wedding planning. Best if it is a manageable level of stress. So postponing your wedding a year may not completely alleviate that issue. There are always going to be some tasks and decisions to do near the time of the wedding.

4. Consider carefully if this stress is truly related to planning a wedding, and is not a sign of a reluctance for marriage with your fiance.

5. Best wishes as you make decisions.

- Dont go into debt for your wedding
-You don't have to meet with every vendor, tell yourself you are having a destination wedding. People don't travel to Mexico to sample cake.
- PLEASE see someone for your anxiety.
- Plenty of ways to cut costs. Do you own in invites. Do you own hair and makeup. Less expensive cake. Weddings have become a lot of wants and not really needs. No one NEEDS matching robes or fancy hangers or favors or personalized napkins...
-Postponing isnt the end of the world. Any may be your best option but if you have a lot of out of downers, they may have booked their flights already.

FH and i postponed our wedding last year, due to hurricane Irma. It was tough emotionally and I lost a ton of money. Most of our vendors allowed us to transfer deposits we made to our new date, but some didn’t, and some weren’t available for our new date. I think first, you need to take a step back, breathe, and give yourself some space from wedding planning. Once your anxiety has lessened, take a hard look at the details. First, do not go in to debt for your wedding. It’s not worth it and if your savings account has been drained from a series of misfortunes, taking on debt could be financially devastating. Then, think about your total budget and what you can do with what you have. You can buy an invitation template on Etsy and print them yourself or on Vistaprint. Can the guest list be shaved down? Can you do a small cake for cutting and either purchase a sheet cake for guests or cupcakes? You should not, I repeat, should NOT, have to be driving down to LA that often. I live in Florida and my wedding is in TN, and I haven’t made one trip up there for the wedding. Everything is via email, FaceTime, or Skype, and it has been fine. One trip for a tasting seems reasonable, but every weekend is crazy. Try to manage your expectations as well. I get you have been dreaming of this day, but like PP’s have said, at the end of the day it’s about marriting your future spouse, not the party or details. Try to compromise and I think you will be ok. Also, use us, the WW community!! Every time I have come here for advice, what I have received has been invaluable, and even if it wasn’t what I wanted to hear, it’s what I needed. Join a local Facebook group. I did and have found great vendors and support. Just please don’t listen when they talk about self catering, open bars, and honeyfunds lol.

I understand what you are going through!!!! We planned this amazing, beautiful wedding in Italy and its 2 months away. I have wanted to cancel SOO many times throughout the 2 year planning process and you know what, I so wish I had! I've realized throughout this process that while I always dreamed, when I was young, of having this big beautiful wedding, it's not actually for me. My FH would have let me cancel but once his parents got their plane tickets then it was off the table (drama from his folks could of lasted forever so I understand).

If I could go back and re-do the whole thing then I would have planned a wedding in my parents backyard, spent way less on my dress, had no bridesmaids, with good food and open bar. THATS IT. but now I'm having a wedding that I'm stressed out about every second of the day for the next two months.

In the end, do whats right for y'all. Don't have a wedding for someone else. If people are going to judge you for canceling then that's their problem. If moving forward with it feels right, then cut some things out, make it a dessert reception or a big cocktail party (snacks/ wine &beer). There are so many invitations that you could print at home that cost hardly anything, if you like the look of real flowers then use lots of greenery and in season only flowers.

Good luck! and know you are not alone in your feelings.

Sounds to me like maybe taking a step back and reevaluating everything might be the best idea for you.
Sometimes pulling yourself away from the situation, taking a breather, and giving yourself the opportunity to look at everything from a distance can really help.
There is no reason you cant still have your dream wedding, but maybe giving yourself some extra time and distance, especially considering you said you were already having a tough year, might just really help you and even give you a chance to save up some needed money.

Take a deep breath! Don't do anything drastic, take a break. Put your wedding books and planning supplies away. Give yourself a week or 2.

Stop driving to LA every weekend. I'm getting married in Florida, we've taken one trip there back in March. I won't go again until October for the big day. You don't need these trips, they're stressing you out.

But for now just take a break.

View Quoted Comment Don't go into debt for a 1 day celebration! Cut your budget &/or guest list 1st! Try diy projects. I agree with Jessica's comments, great suggestions. Good luck with whatever you chose.

So sorry you are going through this! There are a lot of ways to cut costs down a couple thousand without sacrificing your dream wedding.
Invitations: I got 40 invitations from Vista Print for $20 during a 50% sale and they are beautiful! There are many cost effective options for invitations: shutterfly, zazzle, hobby lobby.
Cake: I am getting a simple 2 tier cake that feeds 50 for $50-60 and cupcakes for $1 each. (I live in Alabama so this may not be an option in LA.). I am expecting around 80 guests and several children so this option works well for us! 3 tier cakes at the same bakery start at over $150.
Alcohol: We are purchasing beer and wine ourselves and it will be self serve. However, many disagree with diying alcohol at your wedding. It's definitely a know your crowd sort of thing. It will be presented nicely (no coolers lol) and my family is very laid back and will have no issues with self serving.
Favors: another know your crowd thing. If you think everyone will expect favors by all means have them, but keep them affordable. If they will not be missed skip them or have dessert favors.
Accessories: Can you think of one wedding where you even noticed the bride's shoes? Unless you have a short dress find comfortable and affordable shoes that you can wear again. Also, no one will notice if your hair piece or jewelry is costume jewelry. Google hair pieces and you can find some in the $10-15 range. The bridal store where I brought my dress some them for $150+.
Flowers are expensive! Try to reduce the amount of floral arrangements. We are only having bouquets/boutonnières for the wedding party and a few arrangements and using faux flowers in the centerpieces.

Take a step back, take a deep breath and relax. Push the date back if you have to but don't give up on your dream wedding! Good luck!

First of all, to the bride who got her cake at Porto’s...YUMMM!!! Good choice!

Second, to OP - I’m sorry you’re feeling so stressed. You still have 5 months though and I would NOT recommend postponing at this point. If finances are an issue as you say, think of all the $$ you’ll LOSE by backing out now. Likely thousands of dollars, as it seems you’re mostly planned, will be lost bc most vendors will not give deposits back.

Third, stop driving to LA so much! In today’s world, there is no reason to. I live in downtown LA and am getting married in OC, only an hour away from my house, and have MAYBE gone down there 3 times?? To see our venue, to meet our DJ, and to attend a bridal expo. I’ve never met my videographer in person (FaceTime), never met my florist (email only) and am about to book my HMUA w/o meeting her (will meet her for the first time at my trial). It makes my and my fiancé’s life sooo much easier to do it this way, so save yourself the stress! Schedule calls with your vendors if you feel you need that “in person experience” but stop traveling!

As PP’s have mentioned, there are also so many ways to save money on the remaining purchases- DIY invites, non-traditional cakes, etc. I think they all have some great ideas! So take a deep breath, relax, and good luck! Remember at the end of the day, you’re marrying the love of your life, and that’s ALL that matters ❤️

I would postpone. It sounds like that would give you more time to save money, and to have the wedding you want. It sounds like a wedding is very important to you and you will regret it if you cancel and elope.

Take a break, decompress, and don't worry about it for a while.

Wow thank you all so much for the advice and support! I took the time to read every single one of your replies and with your help, I was able to have some good wedding planning conversations with my FH as well as my parents this past weekend, and I'm happy to say I will not be postponing, I will forge on

We came up with a plan to cut down our trips to LA, which will reduce so much of my stress. We only have 3 trips to make: 1) Cake tasting & tasting for our caterer which we can bundle into one weekend, 2) Meetings with florists (which, we are saving costs by using 90% succulents & cacti, but need a professional to help with the bouquet's and boutonniere's, and 3) Hair & Makeup trial, which I plan to do the same weekend I go down to pick up my dress, that way I can see the whole look put together So thank you all who pointed out that our constant traveling back-and-forth to LA was unnecessary, this definitely helped me work on condensing these trips to make life a little easier.

We also are saving some money by doing a small 2 tier cake for our ceremonial cake cutting, but letting our guests indulge with cupcakes, which should cut some costs. We also reconfigured our day-of timeline so we don't need to incur any additional costs by booking our photographer for an extra hour. We're also lucky in that our venue has a top notch sound system, so I'm creating all of the playlists needed throughout the day (processional song, cocktail hour music, dinner music, first dance songs, and dancing music) which can just be plugged in with my laptop or phone, so we're saving the cost of a DJ and just having an MC, which is significantly less. Oh, and we chose less expensive invitations. They're not 100% what I wanted, but they are still beautiful and 1/3 the cost of the ones I had wanted, plus my parents, FH, and MOH all said the less expensive invitations were really pretty, which made me feel better about this choice.

The FH and I also agreed to dedicate 1 day a week to be a wedding free day; no wedding talk, no looking through bridal magazines, no perusing wedding related things on Pinterest, and no wedding related movies haha I think this will also help reduce the stress and give me some sanity back.

Anyway, just wanted to share a little update and to sincerely thank all of you who took the time to read my post and to offer advice and support. You are all seriously the best!

View Quoted Comment I am so happy to hear that!!! I swear, there have been so many times throughout this process where I have just want to throw in the towel and say “F**k it!!!” and I think so many people do. It sounds like you have a good plan moving forward 😊

That's awesome. Keep going and congrats!

There’s tons of ways to cut costs!!! As some said invitations and cakes of course. But depending on the venue you can bring in your own caterer which can be a huge money saver. And DIY-ing is a HUGE money saver! You can make every aspect of your wedding and save a fortune. It will take more time but if you and futures husband are willing to do it it can be really fun and save money. It also gives your wedding a more personal touch. For example: DIY flower bouquets (YouTube and Pinterest for ideas), DIY dj playlist (pandora even has a wedding dj station or you could even craigslist a dj for REALLY CHEAP I mean like seriously $150 for 6 hours sometimes.), DIY PHOTO BOOTH (laptop, printer, wish.com for props or make your own props with card paper and sticks). The list goes on